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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211420">A Humerus Chatroom (??)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogHatt/pseuds/FrogHatt'>FrogHatt</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Undertale (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AAAA, Axe Needs Supervision, Axe is best and worst simp, Axe needs a Dead Dove: Do Not Eat sticky note on his forehead, Bad Puns, Co-Starring Flicker and Chompy, Comfort, Doggos - Freeform, Eventual Reverse Harem, Everyone is a Moron, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff, HT Sans is bb and we love him, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have literally no idea what im doing, Kind Reader, Love, Mature bc idk wat is gunna happen, Multi, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is not Frisk or Chara (Undertale), Short Reader, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, Thanks, Uhhhhh??, Your Nickname is Tuna btw, a freakin creep, axe is an idiot tho lemme warn ya, drinking condiments for friendship, i dont know where this is going, i just realised the tags really explain nothing lol, kinda a chatfic?, none of us know, otherwise the guys are pretty ok ig, reader lives on a farm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:03:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>45,937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogHatt/pseuds/FrogHatt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>SO YOU AND THE SKELEBROS ARE IN A DISCORD AND STUFF HAPPENS???</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Papyrus (Underswap)/Reader, Papyrus (underfell)/reader, Sans (Horrortale)/Reader, Sans (Underfell)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>510</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Country ASMR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so evryone has a discord name thats kinda different from their actual nickname so</p><p>UNFLAVORED TUNA is reader<br/>Red/Underfell Sans is CherryRed, aka Cherry<br/>Edge/Underfell Papyrus is HotTopicCEO, aka CEO. For the record he would like to say he did not choose his user name<br/>Blue/Underswap Sans is LilBluBerry, aka Lil Blu<br/>Stretch/Underswap Papyrus is Pianoman.<br/>Original Sans is ComedyCentral, aka Comedy<br/>Original Papyrus is PuzzleMaster, aka Puzzle<br/>Axe/Horrortale Sans is Wildman, aka Wild</p><p>might add more idk</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were outside on your front porch, relaxing in your rocking chair, watching the sun set and the stars come out, waiting for that picture perfect moment when the sky was that wonderful dark blue and orange. A mug of tea sat beside you on the railing of your rustic farmhouse porch. </p><p>You looked and watched the first stars emerge from their nocturnal slumber, blinking and glowing. You lifted your phone and snapped a picture of the sky over the treeline, pine and oak trees dark and dramatic against the citrus orange. </p><p><br/>Then your phone buzzed. Then buzzed again, and again. Messages from your discord showed up on the top of your screen. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>CherryRed: tuna help ceo is gunna kill me </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>CherryRed: pls im 2 yung 2 die</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>CherryRed: hghgjfskfhasasaakjhdk</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: Wtf did you do to him cherry. </strong>
</p><p><br/>You had no idea why you chose ‘UnflavoredTuna’ as your user, since you hated tuna, but it just came up in your head one day and stuck.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>CherryRed: drew on his face with markr hepl pls dont let me die</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: …</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>CherryRed: PLES TUNAsdfshahjgh</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: Yknow i think i agree with CEO, cherry. Srry looks like ur finna die. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>CherryRed: Tuna y wuld u do this 2 me</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>You chuckle under your breath. All the time Cherry does stuff like this and expects you to save him, but unluckily for him, you usually sided with CEO. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: cos its funny </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: &lt;3</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: Have fun dyin, love</strong>
</p><p>With that, you closed your app and turned the phone off again, staring at the sky. Fuck, you loved the being in the middle of the country. Woods surrounded your house, and in them lived hooting rabbit families and prancing deer, unbothered by people. Every night you could see the stars above you, with no air pollution or anything to block them from view. </p><p><br/>The sky’s color had changed already in the five minutes you took to chat with Cherry. Now it was so blue it was nearly purple. You snapped another couple of pictures. And continued rocking in your chair, occasionally sipping your tea. Soon, the chill came, brushing your hair into your face and making your fingers turn numb and pink. You decided to turn in for the night. But, before you did, you spotted a big ol’ owl. </p><p><br/>His eyes were large and his face round and puffy and heart-shaped. He had the same coloration as a perfectly-toasted marshmallow, white and tan, which marked him as a common barn owl. Carefully and slowly, you snuck your phone back up and took a picture of the sleek bird of prey. It was spooky and halloween-esque, the eyes of the owl reflective and shining. </p><p><br/>Oh, man. Wild would love this. You sent him the image through PMs. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent an Image] </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: yo man, wild, lookit this pretty mans</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Wildman: very nice. did you know that barn owls usually only weigh around a single pound?</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: I didn’t! That's awesome. they look kinda chonky tho. slimthicc.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>You and Wild didn’t often talk, but when you did, it was only short one-to-two sentences, almost always brought on by you sending a picture of an animal you saw outside your house. And you were okay with that, you enjoyed his calm, relaxed way of speaking, as opposed to, say, Puzzle’s or Lil Blu’s way of excited, hyper chatting. </p><p> </p><p>You headed inside, to the warm atmosphere of your farmhouse. Your dogs, Chompy the corgi and Flicker the mutt, greeted you at the door, scampering and yipping at you. You let out a chuckle and scruffled both of their heads, uttering praise, calling them both good girls. They both licked your fingers and danced around, tails going a hundred miles a minute. </p><p><br/>“You just saw me, like, thirty minutes ago, loves! Calm down!” You laughed, pushing past your scrambling pups and into the kitchen. </p><p><br/>“What’s for din dins, huh, kids?” you asked your dogs, who ran circles around your feet. Missing another voice besides yours and your pets, you opened the discord app again and jumped in the call channel, waiting for someone else to join up. </p><p><br/>And, as expected, your friends quickly join. </p><p><br/>“yo tuna,” Said a voice that you recognised as Pianoman’s, “what’s poppin?”</p><p><br/>“Jus’ deciding what to make for supper,” you replied. </p><p><br/>Another voice chimed in, shouting loudly, “MAKE SPAGHETTI!” </p><p><br/>“Hey, Puzzle,” you smile with a grin, “And you always say to make spaghetti.”</p><p><br/>“WELL, YES, BECAUSE SPAGHETTI IS THE BEST AND EASIEST FOOD.” </p><p><br/>“Maybe for you, bud, but my noodles always come out a lil too al dente for my tastes,” you pause and think, then say, “Think I’ll just have some grits or somethin’” </p><p><br/>“ah, the stereotypical country meal.” Pianoman says with a chuckle.</p><p><br/>You roll your eyes. </p><p><br/>“Yeah, and what’re you havin’ for dinner, pianoman, the cherry on a cancer stick?” </p><p><br/>You heard him cough. </p><p><br/>“uhhhhh… i plead the fifth..?” he replies, then you hear a puff of breath. </p><p><br/>“I figured. Best have something else with that fruit salad, pal.” </p><p><br/>“actually, i think lil blu’s makin dinner t’nite.” He says, and you hear the creaking and rustling of a bed as he gets up. He then mutes himself. lil blu didn’t really speak well on call, as he really just yelled into the microphone real loudly, making heads hurt and eardrums burst. </p><p><br/>A bloop sounded, notifying you that someone else had entered the call. You poured a packet of grits into a bowl and stirred in some water.</p><p><br/>“Who dis?” you ask. </p><p><br/>“Me, kid,” says a familiar, deep and throaty voice.</p><p><br/>“Eyyyy, Cherry, wassup?” You exclaimed, it had been awhile since you two could chat on call. He seemed to be too busy lately for anything but texting. </p><p><br/>“If I told ya, would ya sit on it?” You could nearly hear the wink in his voice.</p><p><br/>Puzzle groans and you hear him mumble under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Nasty. Nope.” you grunt, pushing your bowl into the microwave for a minute.</p><p><br/>“awh, c’mon love, its comfy. give it a try, would ya?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dream on, bud.” </p><p><br/>“That I shall.” </p><p><br/>“I KNOW YOU WILL. HEAR YOU THROUGH THE WALLS EVERY NIGHT.” </p><p><br/>You flinch at the loud voice that sounds from your phone. CEO. But, even with his loud voice thundering through the phone, a giggle bubbles in you. Chomping on your grits, you laugh. </p><p><br/>“Yuck, Cherry.”</p><p><br/>“c’mon, ceo, you know what ‘er voice sounds like! don’t tell me you don’t wanna know how high it can go.” </p><p><br/>“I SURELY DON’T.”</p><p><br/>“me neither.” Chimes in Pianoman. Puzzle chimes in himself with a noise of confirmation. </p><p><br/>“awh, c’mon, really? only me?”</p><p><br/>“<em>Sounds</em> like it’s only you, buddy,” you reply, snickering.</p><p><br/>“Haha, good one, kiddo. You really hit the <em>bar</em> on that one.” </p><p><br/>“IF YOU TWO DON’T CEASE THIS PUNNING NONSENSE…” Grumbles CEO, in that signature edgy growl of his, “I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND DUCT TAPE YOUR MOUTHS SHUT SO YOU CAN’T MAKE ANOTHER ONE.</p><p><br/>“...Well then, I guess that’s a solution, guess we’ll give it a <em>rest</em>” </p><p><br/>Cherry snickered. It was, in all honesty and seriousness, a horrible pun, but that made it better. CEO growled over the phone. You could hear heels clicking, and, on Cherry’s end of the call, you could hear the approaching of boots. </p><p><br/>“oh fuck” he mutters, “mute tIME--” his audio cuts out after you hear the quick and loud sound of a door slamming.</p><p><br/>You continued talking to your skeleton friends for hours, till late in the night. You only realised how late it was exactly when Flicker and Chompy went to bed without you. </p><p><br/>As you looked at the clock, your eyes widened slightly. </p><p><br/>“Fuck, man, it’s late-- er, early, actually.” </p><p> </p><p>“really?” asked Pianoman, “what time?” </p><p> </p><p>“Early.” You replied, dodging his question. You weren’t gunna tell him the exact time to have him figure out where in the world you were, “nice try.” </p><p><br/>He chuckled. </p><p><br/>“ya got me. g’night, doll.” He says, the others joining in as well and telling you goodnight. Well. Except CEO. He never said much of anything to you, let alone good night. </p><p><br/>“Night, nerds. Muah.” You make a kiss noise into the phone and leave the call. </p><p><br/>You shoot a goodnight PM to the others that weren’t in the group call. They all liked to know when you went to sleep. They cared about you, which was a bit odd for people who you had never met before, but you thought it was cute. </p><p><br/>You went to sleep that night with a little smile on your face, Flicker and Chompy curled beside you. You held them both in your arms. In your mind ran the thoughts of them, the times you had laughed and giggled together. The times Lil Blu instructed you on how to make a dog-friendly cake, the time that Pianoman sang you happy birthday, strumming his acoustic guitar, Puzzle joining in.</p><p><br/>The time that Comedy cheered you up when your cat passed away with his silly jokes and casual, comfortable conversation. That time CEO demanded, angrily, the name of the man that dumped you and stood you up without a word. (He didn’t get it, of course, but still.)</p><p><br/>The silly times with Cherry, who always managed to make your cheeks hurt from laughing so much. Wild’s creature facts each time you sent him a picture. </p><p><br/>Your chest felt warm thinking of them. You’d never met them, never seen their faces, only heard their voices. But still, you’d probably do anything for them, and they'd already confirmed that they’d do the exact same for you. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-----</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Next morning</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>----</strong>
</p><p><br/>You woke up every day at four, usually before the sun did. You had many chores, feeding and watering your birds, goats and sheep, and your cattle and two horses. You had to muck the stables on Thursdays and Tuesdays, and clean the coop on Wednesdays. You also had to tend to your fields. You had people hired for that, yes, but you also enjoyed the time in the sun and doing work yourself. </p><p><br/>Usually no others were awake at this time, but you found that Wild got up early sometimes too, around five. You often started a call through PMs with him, even though he wasn’t there yet, waiting for him to arrive and listen. He never talked to you, just stayed on mute with you the whole time. But you figured he liked listening to you chat to your chickens, ducks and turkeys. You figured he liked hearing the wind flying around you as you walked your woodland paths, checking your havahart traps for critters. </p><p>Sometimes you would sing a little, under your breath, just little familiar songs your mother would sing to you, or more modern songs that got your blood flowing. You weren’t good at singing by any means, but Wild seemed to not have qualms. Sometimes you’d half-mindedly ask him questions, not expecting him to answer any. </p><p><br/>Today was a bit different, however. There was a message awaiting you when you woke, sent at 3:32 am, from Wild. Already there was a call open in your PMs, Wild waiting on mute. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Wildman: Tuna. I need noise. Please. Talk to your dogs, sing to the trees, I don’t know I</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: I need noise. It’s too quiet. </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>Uh? It was odd, you’d never had him message you first, let alone about something like this, about something being too quiet. You sat up in your bed groggily, wiping your eyes and entered the call. A bit of worry flooded into you like heavy waves; was he okay? He was the quietest of your online friends, you’d never heard his voice, he never said anything in the group chat. You knew little about him, only that he was a fan of animals, like you, and knew a whole lot, but really nothing else. </p><p><br/>Your full-sized mattress creaked under you after you peeled yourself out from under your comforter. You roused your dogs from their slumber, picking Chompy up off the bed so that she wouldn’t hurt her little stubby nuggy legs, Flicker joining her companion on the cool, hardwood floor soon after.</p><p><br/>“Good morning, girls,” You said to them, softly, like you did every morning, “Let’s get started, huh?” you asked, heading out of the bedroom, through the house. You filled the pup’s bowls and let them eat, watching them chow down their kibbles. </p><p><br/>“Good ladies!” you congratulated, patting their heads, talking to them a little extra for Wild. Padding to the muckroom and pulling on your mud-crusted mud boots, you headed out into the crisp, fall morning, you shivered. Gee, fuck, it was cold. Stepping back into the mudroom, you snatched up your jacket, tucking yourself inside of it. Your doggos followed you out, and you picked your walking loaf of bread up to take her down the stairs. </p><p><br/>“I know, I know,” you muttered sweetly to the corgi as she wriggled angily in your hold, “But I don’t need you getting hurt, love.” </p><p><br/>You set her down into the leaves and immediately, she tore ass to the chicken coop. It was your first stop every morning, and probably your favorite part of your day.</p><p><br/> You headed over and reached into the shed, grabbing your food scooper from on top of the bag of layer feed, you scooped up the mix of waterfowl feed, layer hen feed crumble, and cracked corn into it. You grabbed a handful of dried mealworms and sunflower seeds for good measure. You made sure to latch the shed behind you, the chickens were notorious for breaking in and eating all the food.</p><p><br/>You traversed through the crispy leaves to the door of the red, barn-like coop. The roosters within were already crowing, telling you it was time to leave the house. You opened the door and stepped back, hiding behind the door so you wouldn’t get hit by flapping wings. </p><p><br/>“YES, MY FLOCK!!” You shouted, a maniacal grin upon your face. Fuck, you were glad you didn’t have neighbors, “THE WORLD IS YOURS, MY LOVES!!” </p><p><br/>You lifted your food scooper and threw food on the ground for them to peck and paddle up, watching them devour their breakfast. Standing there, and listening to their quacks and gobble and clucks. You patted a few ducks and chickens on the back before heading to your enclosed fence that held your goats and sheep.</p><p><br/>“Hey, lasses,” You said to the mixed breeds of sheep and to the white saanen goats, “How are you today? Ready for milkin’?” You asked, petting your girls on the head. Bella, the boss goat, pushed forward towards you, bell on her collar clinking and clanging, like she always did. </p><p><br/>You chuckled and she followed you to the milking stand, putting herself perfectly where you wanted her without even being told. </p><p><br/>“Got me whipped, huh, love?” you laughed, sitting on your crate. You wiped her teats with an antibacterial wipe and got to work, placing a bucket under her udders and milking. </p><p><br/>After around an hour, you finished milking all the goats. Your hands hurt like usual, cramping a little as they usually did from doing the same thing over and over and over. </p><p><br/>Your cows grazed in the field, big fat Angus heifers, chowing down on grass. You greeted them and they mooed at you.</p><p><br/>“Hear that, Wild?” You ask, “The cows say hi.” </p><p><br/>A mumble comes from the other end and it shocks your ears. It’s an unfamiliar voice, but indeed a voice. It sounds almost like scraping rocks, deep and crackly, so low it touched the ground. But, even so, it was small, shy and nervous at the same time. It sounded like a slightly accented ‘hello’</p><p><br/>…</p><p><br/>........</p><p><br/>Wait. What.</p><p><br/>“Oh, my goodness, Wild, wus that you?” </p><p><br/>No reply. </p><p><br/>But !!!!!! </p><p><br/>He spoke!! To your cows!!</p><p><br/>“Wild, your voice is adorable. Would you mind speaking again?” You cooed softly, gushing a little. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you lifted it up, seeing a message from Wild. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Wildman: No thank you.  </strong>
</p><p><br/>You nodded, it was probably an accident in the first place.. </p><p><br/>“Of course, that’s alright. I hope you’re feelin’ a bit better, though, darlin’”</p><p><br/>For some reason, there was a bubble in your chest. You’d wondered before what he sounded like, if his voice was accented, if it was high or low or inbetween, and now that you had gotten a tiny taste, you couldn’t help but want more. You wanted to voice chat with him for hours, laugh and giggle with him--</p><p><br/>Oops. Off track. </p><p><br/>As you headed to your horse pasture, Flicker and Chompy dashed ahead of you, barking and tripping over their own feet, causing chaos. </p><p><br/>“Oi, pups, chillout,” You called, and, surprisingly, they obediently followed the command, Flicker releasing Chompy from her playful jaws, “Go back to the house if you wanna fuck around, babes.” </p><p><br/>You pointed at the house to emphasize your point, and once again, they took off, running and frolicing like puppies, even though they were eight and seven, respectively. </p><p><br/>You entered the horses stables, greeted by the sound of Apples snorting at you. Apples was a stocky grey Dutch Draft horse, with fuzzy grey-brown feet and a thick black mane. You ran a hand over his nose and smiled at him. Nugget peeked her head out from her stable and stomped her hoof, demanding affection. Nugget was nearly the polar opposite of Apple. Nugget was a sorrel paint with a white face and a white mane and tail. She was also a whole lot more demanding than her companion.</p><p><br/>You caressed her nose and chuckled, letting them out, one at a time, from their stables and into the pasture. </p><p><br/>They froliced along the fence together, back and forth, one with heavy, thulunking feet and the other with high-knees and a dainty, stereotypical clip-clop-clip-clop. </p><p><br/>It was around eight in the morning when you finished your lengthy list of animal-related chores, and there was one thing left to do before you could take a break. You put the dogs back in the house, closing the heavy wooden door behind you. From the back door, you walked almost directly into the woods, a small and thin path carved into the dirt. It was rough, but yet well-worn from years of use. </p><p><br/>You padded along in the forest, looking around at the yellowing and reddening leaves, picking up one every now and then to observe a track hidden underneath. Sometimes they were deer tracks that looked like apple seeds placed side-by-side, sometimes rabbit tracks with broad toes. You went around, humming under your breath, a simple, lilting tune with no words or meaning. </p><p><br/>A bird began to sing you a song. It wasn’t the most familiar to you, and you paused to listen. It was a noise one could only describe as a two-parted. The first was a small, short two-syllable whistle, and the other part was a second-long trill in your mind.</p><p><br/>“What kinda bird is that, Wild?” You ask. Your phone buzzes and you look.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>Wildman: A Red-Winged Blackbird. </strong>
</p><p><br/>“Awesome,” you smile. He doesn’t often answer your questions, but when he does, a smile always tugs it’s way onto your face.</p><p><br/>You hum to yourself, crunching leaves under your muckboots, humming and whistling, singing to the trees, as Wild so aptly put it. It was a normal morning routine for you, but yet, somehow, felt different. Like changing seasons, maybe? Even if that was a cliche comparison, it seemed fitting. Because, after all, Wild had spoken. Maybe it was an accident, yes, but still, maybe things would change like the leaves and you two could chat together like the rest of your discord pals. </p><p><br/>In your traps, you found nothing out of the ordinary, none of the cages set off and none of the bait disturbed. </p><p><br/>“That’s good,” You mumbled, then headed back down your paths, following them back to the tall yellow and white farmhouse. </p><p><br/>“Woo, it’s cold out, today. Chilly. Crisp. Like a potato chip,” said you, sliding off your jacket. You picked up your phone and said into it, “Welp, Wildman, gunna hop off. I’m sure you dont wanna hear me burn eggs again. Feel better.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: I will. Thank you, Tuna</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dig Bick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning: Dicks, Ding-Dongs, whatever ya wanna call em. But like. not in a lewd way. fake dongs. </p><p>CHERRY (Red/ UF Sans) BUILDS A BIG OL MONSTER DICK IN MINECRAFT.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this happened when i was playing mc with my friends and so i wrote it. obvs changed it a little to fit the characters n whatnot, but have fun. </p><p>red/cherry needs a fuckn hobby tho</p><p>chapter is a lil dif than No. 1. less cute and tbh i hate it a lot.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Cherry, I swear to god if you get killed one more time I am not helping you get all your stuff back.” You groan, your fingers clicking on the keyboard, run-jumping across the minecraft map towards the pile of floating junk. This was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>third </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking time he decided to take on too many mobs, mainly creepers, in leather armor. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Your little cubed character came across his little warzone, the sandy terrain covered in holes from the exploding green mobs. It would have been a nice place to maybe, eventually, build a house on but nooooooo, someone had to fight five creepers at once with nothing but a near-broken wooden sword and three brain cells. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You gathered up his stuff, which was, as you now saw it… junk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The most valuable thing he had been carrying was some iron, which was probably stolen from the nearby prairie village. But why did he have so much dirt?? And… red stained glass? Stacks upon stacks of red glass? And some yellow wool?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cherry i'm stealin’ your shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“wh- but why?” He asks, confusion clear in his deep, brooklyn-esque accent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cause i want the iron and also so you have a reason to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> get murdered by creepers. Because, if you do happen to get murdered by a creeper, I’ll toss ya dirt into the lava.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“don’t steal my iron! I worked hard on getting-- er, actually, i yoinked it from th’ prairie village. but still, don’t steal my stolen stuff! two wrongs don’t make a right y’know,,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Consider it the tax for getting your stuff, nerd.” You grinned, picking up your friend’s stupid amounts of dirt and glass, and of course, the four peices of iron. Hop-jumping back across the map, you almost fall into several pits of lava before actually managing to make it back to your hut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a crude structure, and very ugly, in that starting, mixed wood type of way. You opened the door and found a skeleton walking around within the building.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You screeched and whacked it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skeletons are so freaking rude,” you huffed after it was dead, watching it’s bone float around on the ground, “they suck butt”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other side of the call, you heard your friends laugh, cackling, really. You rolled your eyes and proceeded to toss all of Cherry’s junk into a chest, keeping his stolen iron to yourself. What was so funny? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“skeletons are the worst, doll, i gotta agree,” snickers Pianoman, voice dry from his cackling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“absolutely vile” giggles Cherry. You felt as though there was something they knew that you didn’t. Maybe they had some kinda running inside joke or something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno what’s going through those smol brains of yours, but I’ve got your stuff, Cherry. Hurry up and get it or ill toss it all into a lava pit.” You wouldn’t, but, still, he didn’t know that, did he? You tossed back a sip of your monster energy. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“waitwaitwait sweetheart no don’t do that im coming im on my way don’t throw that stuff away i need it-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you need several stacks of red glass so bad?” You ask.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“oh. oh no. tuna, doll, don’t give him the glass.” Pianoman says, audibly wincing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“glass fer my house, of course. red’s my favorite color.” Cherry says, his grinning voice very suspicious. Through the four little window holes in your oak door, you see Cherry’s character hopping towards your hut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t do something </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad with stained glass, can he? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll give you the glass in exchange for the iron. A fair trade.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cherry’s character opens your hut’s door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“aight, deal,” Cherry says, voice a bit sinister and evil.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“dont do it, tuna, please, you’ll regret it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You toss the red cubes of glass on the ground for him to pick up. Cherry giggles evilly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you’re gunna regret it tuna. im so sorry. you’re too babie and trusting.”  Pianoman sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>??</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lil scared right now but imma go get some chips, be right back kiddos. Be good boyes”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cherry cackles. You’ve made a mistake, you’re sure of it. Cherry is </span>
  <em>
    <span>never, ever, ever, </span>
  </em>
  <span>a ‘good boye’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In your kitchen, you grab yourself a bowl and toss some doritos into it, sifting them around a little. Y’know what, you need something to drink. Like. Really need something to drink. You’d been laughing a lot, as well as playing the minecraft game for a few hours. It had started off with Comedy also playing, but then he had to go do, like, boring adult shit. He grumbled about it too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So you set about making yourself something to drink. Tea sounds good. Might need it, to deal with whatever the hell Cherry was planning on building with his copious amounts of glass. Maybe he really was making a house. That wouldn’t be so terrible, would it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, then again, this is Cherry. The dude who constantly makes dick jokes, like, all the time. All the time. So much of the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So you’re brewing your tea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And the suspense. Dear lord, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>suspense</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s killing you. What’s he doing with the glass? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And the water is taking so long to boil. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your brain thinks. Its thinking so much. So, so much. What could he be making??</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And finally, fuckin’ finally, after so long, the kettle whistles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hurriedly, you pour the boiling, bubbling, toiling and troubling water into your cat-shaped mug. You bob the teabag around, making sure the tea turns the right shade of honey-brown. Amber? Tawny, maybe? You plop in your two little sugar cubes and stir them around so that they dissolve into your tea. Finally, the drink is done and you can take your happy ass back to the couch, tea mug and dorito bowl in hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, nerds, what’s happened since I was gone?” You ask into your phone’s microphone, sitting and getting comfortable in your nest of blankets, setting your tea and bowl on the wooden table next to your couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“tuna, doll, you don’t wanna know.” Pianoman sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hear snickering from Cherry’s line. Oh, fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is it.” You ask, one of your eyebrows raising in pure, utter confused interest. Your oak door had been left open, and you heard the telltale noise of dirt being broken and glass being placed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he was definitely building something. Maybe it actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a house. You didn’t exactly know why he’d build a house out of glass, but, in the time you’ve known these guys, you’ve learned not to question them, their actions, or their motives. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You make sure to put your important things into a chest so if Cherry’s building was murderous, your stuff wouldn’t have to be re-collected or lost to the void. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“can I take a look, Cherry?” you ask, since you can hear the sound of breaking and placing glass and dirt and… wool?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“almost done! super close to being done, sweetcheeks, i just gotta place a few more of these. it’s gotta look like th’ real thing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“oh my fuckn’ god cherry, really, man?” Pianoman wince-laughed, “the real thing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i can’t be fakin’ it an’ makin’ it look different from th’ actual thing!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you’re horrible.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“that’s prob’ly true. But…” a pause, and one more placement, of wool, then the breaking of dirt, “m’ all finished.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can i look now?” you ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you c’n look anytime, love,” Cherry says, grin very clear in his voice. Oh, geez, you were kinda nervous. What had they meant by ‘the real thing?’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sneak, slowly, out of your wooden hut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, holy hell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a dick. Cherry had built a big, huge, red glass dick next to your hut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“..y..ya like it?” Asked your dick-building friend, snickering, and, very obviously, trying not to burst into atrocious laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“so that’s what your dick looks like? What’s the yellow wool supposed to be?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘s called a jacob’s ladder, love, an--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, nope, I don’t wanna hear anymore.” You squeak. Normally, you weren’t afraid of… ding dongs, but. This was apparently Cherry’s ding dong? It was.. odd. You’d never thought of his… </span>
  <em>
    <span>that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“why’s it red-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>whEEZE-- </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s the laughter. Loud and rambunctious, so loud that it frightened your dogs, who were cuddling on their dog bed on the other side of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “tuna, im so sorry. you’ve been traumatized.” Pianoman sighs as you turn your minecraft character around and make it walk away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am going to live far, far away from this giant, monstrous cock. I will never see you again. Goodbye, Pianoman.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More loud, wheezing, coughing laughter from Cherry. Probably wiping tears from his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“god dammit, cherry, look what you’ve done.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“tuna, dontcha like my c--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” you put on The Voice™, interrupting Cherry and muttering, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>nice cock.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then you proceeded to continue walking away. When you get far enough from your friends, you leave the call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You send Pianoman a PM.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: gotta take a moment to process what i have just witnessed. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I will see you in the morning, gnight pal. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ThePianoman: im so sorry tuna i promise ill murder him and avenge you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You rolled your eyes and closed out of the discord app, heading to your room to sleep. You changed into some fresh sweatpants beforehand and tucked into the sheets. Your brain thought of Cherry, though you didn’t want to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You didn’t think of ding dongs, though, just his stupid jokes and rambunctious laughter and snorting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then one ding dong question pops into your mind; who the hell has a opaque, red dick? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, before that question can be pondered, you hear a ruckus outside of your window. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fuck was that?” </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>owO whats this</p><p>had so much trouble writing this omg i cant find my motivation i lost it somewhere. what shuld happen next chapter kids cause honestly idfk</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Unexpected Visitor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So like CEO/Edge shows up at ur haus and ur very oblivious</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was a weird time for random noises on the outside of your house. The raccoons would probably be out now, but there were other food sources for them in the woods, away from your house. You never left food outside, it all went to your birds and goats and sheep, so there was really no reason for a raccoon to even come near your house. </p><p>It had to be a person, or something big, bad, and ballsy. That meant either a human, monster, or a coyote of sorts. </p><p>Your heart pounded, yelling at you. </p><p>Fuck this, you weren’t doing this alone. Someone was going to be in this with you. </p><p>You rose out of your bed, tugging the bottoms of your baggy sweatpants up onto your calves so that they wouldn’t drag the ground. </p><p>You grabbed your phone from your bedside table, turning it on and putting the brightness on low. Quickly, you opened the discord app. </p><p>The darkness of the app helped, as it wasn’t bright and didn’t give off much light. Who the hell uses light mode discord anyways? Your fingers hovered over the names of your friends. Who would be best in this situation?</p><p>CEO would threaten murder.. Lil Blu and Puzzle are asleep by now.. Comedy would probably just make terrible puns the whole time. Cherry… you weren’t ready to face him. And then Pianoman like,, never answered private calls.</p><p>Wild was your only option. You opened the call and shot him a PM. </p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: Okay man there’s something outside my house. Hop on call so you can be a witness in case i get murdered please</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: ..what?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: just get in call bro. </strong>
</p><p>You pulled on a jacket from your closet, turning on your camera and facing it away from you so that Wild could see what was gunna go down, and so he could see what exactly happened if the shit hits the fan. </p><p>Heading into your kitchen, you reach an arm into a  wooden cabinet and grab your bat. It was the classic hickory-maple baseball bat pierced full of nails and screws. Perfect for defending yourself against creeps outside your house. You would pull out your .22, but it was out on the front porch, where you had left it on accident. </p><p>The bloop of someone entering the call sounded. Here’s Wild. Good.</p><p>“Hey, bud.” you greeted, muttering under your breath, holding your baseball bat out in front of you in a defensive position. You slowly approached the back door, sidestepping your way across the chilly hardwood floor.  </p><p>It was comforting to have one of your friends there with you in this situation. It was better than being alone. Much, much better than being alone.</p><p>You took a deep breath and opened the back door, stepping out onto the back porch, feet planted far apart as you faced the source of the noise. Huh. You looked around. Where’d it go? It still had to be around, right?  </p><p>Before you looked around, you let your eyes get adjusted to the low light levels and look around for things that were out of place. Nothing seemed wrong… but, then.. what had that noise been? </p><p>You heard Wild’s voice again, and you nearly jumped out of your pants. </p><p>“keep looking around.” He said, voice nearly inaudible with how quietly he was talking. Fuck, that voice. </p><p>But you listened to him, sticking your feet into your muckboots and padding off the porch. Sidestep, sidestep. You peek around the corner of your house, looking to see if there’s something there before proceeding.</p><p>And there is. </p><p>Something tall as <em>hell</em> is right there, pressed up against the side of your house. <em>Is that a fucking bear</em>? Please, don’t let it be a bear. </p><p>“...Wild,” you whisper, trying not to be heard, “the fuck is that.” </p><p>…</p><p>But you’re heard. The tall figure peels off the side of your house, whipping it’s tall head towards you. </p><p>“tuna, walk away, slowly..” Wild mutters, a sense of urgency in his rocky voice. You obey, again. Backstepping away from the possible bear. With each step of yours, however, the creature takes a single step of his own that's much, much longer than yours. </p><p>It’s not a bear, that’s for sure. It’s shape is… off. It’s legs are long and thin, sharp looking. The hell is this thing? Was it a monster? There was no way it was human; it was too.. too pointy. Too… humanlike? </p><p>“Wild, what the <em>fuck</em> is that?” You ask again, this time your voice inflected with more fear as it came into view. </p><p>Finally, you saw the whole thing, standing less than a yard from you. You had to look up to get a good view at it’s face. </p><p>It was, at the <em>very least</em>, seven feet tall. A black ACDC shirt hung from his figure, hanging off his… were those fucking bones? Those were bones! Scary, sharp bones. </p><p>A skeleton monster. A seven-foot tall skeleton monster was here, and he was approaching you, slowly. </p><p>You brandished your baseball bat at the threatening creature. It paused. </p><p>Then fucking <em>laughed</em>. </p><p>It <em>cackled</em>. Like a halloween decoration. It tossed its head back and opened its mouth, barking out the harshest, most frightening laugh you’ve ever heard. You blanched at the booming noise. </p><p>“OH, OH MY, I’M SO SCARED!” It said, “HOW INTIMIDATING, A BASEBALL BAT!” </p><p>………</p><p>Why did that voice sound familiar? Fuck, you couldn’t place it. You couldn’t focus on anything but <em>him</em>.</p><p>You were able to get a good look at his skull now, after he finished cackling. It was long and looked little like a human skull, nor any other skull you’ve ever seen. His eyes were a sharp, authoritative, <em>glowing</em> crimson. Through one of his eye sockets ran two vertical scars, marring his face and making him look even scarier. They ran half up his forehead, and so far down, over his sharp cheekbones, nearly touching his filed, pointed teeth. Those sharp teeth could tear through you like scissors. </p><p>“HUMAN, I DEMAND YOU LET ME HIDE HERE. MY BROTHER AND COUSINS AND I ARE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK AND I CANNOT BE FOUND.”</p><p>“You need to leave,” sounds Wild’s voice, from your phone, low and dangerous, threatening, “Now.” </p><p>The skeleton paused. He looked at the phone in the pocket, then at you, then back at the phone in your pocket. </p><p>“OH. FUCK.” He… mutters? It was lower than his previous shouting and yelling and hollering, slightly under his breath. It could be considered ‘muttering’ for him, you guess, even though you could very much still tell what he was saying. Then his teeth spread into a skeletal grin.</p><p>“Y.. yeah. You need to leave.” You say, brandishing your baseball bat once again, attempting to sound confident even though your fingers were shaking like leaves and your knees felt weak.</p><p>“DON’T THINK I WILL”</p><p>And with that he just. Marches into your house with a self-confident gait, walking past you, up onto your porch. He takes a look in the house and looks around before ducking and entering. </p><p>Wh--</p><p>You chase him into the house. </p><p>“Hey, you can’t-” he was already sitting on your couch, lights on, with his legs crossed at the knee. Flicker hadn’t moved from her spot on the couch, and Chompy was sniffing his tall, red boots. </p><p>“THIS IS AN ADEQUATE HIDING PLACE.”</p><p>“But I never said you could hide here??” You exclaim, exasperated, tossing your hands to your sides. </p><p>“BUT YOU NEVER SAID I COULDN’T. AND BESIDES, YOU WON’T FORCE ME OUT, WILL YOU? YOU’RE TOO SCARED.” </p><p>“I-” you start.</p><p>“EXACTLY. ANYHOW, HUMAN, WHERE IS YOUR REMOTE?” </p><p>You frown. </p><p>“You’re not shoving your way into my house and then watching my TV, dickbag.” </p><p>You cross your arms and try to appear more confident by straightening your back and planting your feet farther apart. But, then again, you have never considered yourself a very intimidating-appearing person. You’ve never even been in a fight before, you didn’t know how to do that!</p><p>He looks at you and, with a little chuckle on his part, turns to the table beside the couch. He opens the drawer and digs around--</p><p>He pulls out the remote. </p><p>Asshole. </p><p>“Tuna, just ignore him. I’m sure he’ll go away soon.” Wild says to you in that deep voice of his. </p><p>You pout. You wanted him to go away now. </p><p>You sigh and head into the kitchen. At least you could grab a snack, right? You dug around in your pantry, and eventually found some pretzels.</p><p>When you emerged from the kitchen, the edgy, scary skeleton was typing on his phone, gloved hands clicking away on the screen. You sat on the couch next to Flicker, who’s whip-thin tail tapped against the couch twice before she fell back asleep. There was a stranger literally less than three feet from her and she was taking a nap. </p><p>You eyed the skeleton from the corner of your eyes, watching him closely. Chompy was chewing on his boot, but for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind. You didn’t trust that. He was just looking at her with a smirk on his face.</p><p>You decided to talk to Wild. Maybe that’d make him uncomfortable and he’d leave? Hopefully?</p><p>“Sooooooooooooooooo,,” you said, unsure what, exactly to talk about, “ya like pretzels?” </p><p>Your phone buzzed. Oh. He muted himself. </p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: Don’t let him get near you. Or touch you. Don’t talk to him, either. </strong>
</p><p>Kinda wasn’t gonna let him do that anyways, but it was thoughtful of Wild to say that. At least he was looking out for you. </p><p>The skeleton looked at you. </p><p>“AREN’T YOU GOING TO ASK ME WHO I AM?”  he asks, browbone (?? how did that work??) raising. </p><p>“I, quite frankly, don’t care. Just want you to leave.” You frown, shooting a dagger-like glare at the skeleton. You grumble under your breath, “lookin’ like you just rolled out of the Hot Topic.” </p><p>He barked a laugh. </p><p>“I’M TOLD THAT A LOT.” </p><p>He glances at Chompy. He reaches down, gloved hand extending out to her. You’re about to spring up from your place on the couch to protect your dog when he simply pats her on the head. He reaches his hands under her chonky little body and picks her up, placing her into his lap. </p><p>He looks at her collar and reads her tags. He nods.</p><p>Then, as your traitorous dog lays in a little cinnamon-bun shaped pile, he adjusts his phone to take a picture, lying her tag in such a way that it’s visible to the camera. </p><p>“Hey! Don’t be takin’ pictures of her-” </p><p>“ALREADY DID.” He smirked.  </p><p>Asshole. </p><p>His phone rings. He groans and answers it. He listens to the person on the other side of the phone for a minute before sighing. He pets the fluffers pupper in his lap. </p><p>“SO I WON?” </p><p>He listens to the other person again. </p><p>“AS TO EXPECTED FROM SOMEONE AS TERRIBLY TALENTED AS I.” </p><p>Removing the corgi from his lap, gently, he stands and places a hand on his chest, red gloved hand spread across the middle of his ACDC shirt. At least he has decent taste in music. </p><p>“So you’re leaving? Finally. Thank goodness, I’m tired.” You grumble before he can say anything.</p><p>He scowls. Then resumes saying what he was going to say.</p><p>“I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE EDGE, WILL NOW TAKE MY LEAVE. YOUR HOUSE WAS A DECENT PLACE TO HIDE, HUMAN. GOOD DAY.” He says (Read: yells), turning and walking away from the living room, the sound of his boots familiar to you, but yet unplaceable. </p><p>He ducks out of the back door, out the way he came. </p><p>You follow him to make sure he leaves. You pause, then think for a second. You raise your phone up, opening the camera app. </p><p>“Oi. Turn around real quick, skele-boy” </p><p>“WHAT DO YOU WANT--” he whips around and you take the picture. You grin. Ha. </p><p>“Nothing!” You say, putting on a sweet smile. Then you wave, for good measure. He gives you an odd look, like he has no clue what you’re doing and/or that he’s fairly confused. He rolls his red eyelights and continues his departure from your house. Down the steps he goes, his boots clicking on the wood. He walks across the backyard, and you ponder to yourself.</p><p>How dost thou walk in thine boots? </p><p>Seriously, though. The heel was super tall. Like badass hooker boots. </p><p>He walks past your chicken coop and towards the cow fields. You half hoped he stepped in a cow patty, but then again, it would probably be bad if he broke his ankle in the middle of your fields.</p><p>“Wild, he’s gone. I think i'm gonna hop off call now man-” </p><p><strong>Wildman: Don’t. I need to make sure you’re safe.</strong> </p><p>“Don’t worry, dude. He’s gone-” </p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: Please just stay on call, Tuna.</strong>
</p><p>You sigh and smile. Wild was such a caring bb. </p><p>“Of course.” You say, “wanna watch TV with me?” </p><p>
  <strong>Wildman: Sure. nwn</strong>
</p><p>.o. </p><p>He never used cat faces! Man, this is a wild version of Wild. Grabbing the remote from where the skeleton had set it, you put on a documentary about australia on. </p><p><br/>
You open the group chat on discord, keeping the call open in the background. You send a message to the group. </p><p>
  <strong>UnflavoredTuna: Something fuckn crazy just happened yall</strong><br/>
<strong>UnflavoredTuna: there was just a skeleton at my house. Dude said he was playing hide and seek. </strong><br/>
<strong>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent an Image]</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>CherryRed: what the actual fuck. </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. My brain keeps saying Wild sounds kinda like Corpse Husband and im not sure if i agree with that or not</p><p>2. Edge (CEO) lowkey loves doggos in this and ill fucking fight u on that</p><p>3. Edge doesnt wear his armor 24/7 so he wears either button ups or Band T-Shirts w/ black skinny jeans. he still wears his hooker boots and gloves tho. </p><p>4. CEO can step on me </p><p>5. lets all give Wild a hug bcus he's such a good friend ok </p><p>next chaptr will be in a skele's pov maybe idk</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Chat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>edge comes home, and sans tells blue, stretch, and red whats up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chap is a lil uneventful but i promise it'll matter in the future</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>why could exactly no one in this house comprehend privacy? it wasn’t as bad when it was someone you knew burst into your room, and a little worse when you were trying to take a shower, but i couldn’t even think about how weird it must be to have a random fucking seven-foot skeleton monster show up at your house at ten-thirty at night. </p><p> </p><p>red wasn’t one to talk, though, privacy was not one of his concerns. </p><p> </p><p>he probably would have done the same thing. </p><p> </p><p>but still, doesn’t mean edge should have done that. shoulda asked nicely. then walked in. </p><p> </p><p>he’s gunna be proud of himself when he gets home though. blue’ll be all over him, asking questions and demanding to know everything; what does she look like? Are the dogs nice? Did you pet a chicken? Rambling on and not allowing for a single moment to speak, like the little ankle biter he is.</p><p> </p><p>papyrus will be a little more refined, but not by much, if there at all. he's probably at undyne's again. he’d want to know the same things as the others, though. stretch would try to find out where she is, most likely, if he gets a break in trying to restrain his brother. axe will hang back, acting like he's not listening, pretending he could give less of a fuck. even though axe is like, lowkey in love with tuna.</p><p> </p><p>only thing edge really had to worry about was poppa sans, who would tear him a new one when the lazy bastard actually wakes up and realizes exactly what edge decided to do during that game of hide n’ seek. </p><p> </p><p>red wished he had played hide and seek with his brothers; he could have gotten a peek at tuna. seen her, spoken to her. touched her. </p><p> </p><p>edge was on his way home though, after blue demanded that he come out from wherever he decided to hide. he agreed to come back, after getting confirmation that he had won. and then, of course, his hiding spot was revealed. </p><p> </p><p>it would be soon that edge got back, given the time. red decided he’d wait in the kitchen until then. the first thing edge usually did when he got home was go to the fridge and check for leftovers, especially if he came home this late at night.</p><p> </p><p>red hated waiting, absolutely despised it. it made him think and, with nothing else to stimulate his skull, he usually ended up thinking too much. he got angry when he waited too long, which was his solution to.. many of his problems. stretch often told him he needed to relax, mellow out, take a chill pill, and maybe it was true, but he never actually would admit that he was as anger-prone as the ashtray suspected.  </p><p> </p><p>he chews on his claws. his hands are odd ones, besides just being made of bone. They’re big and heavy, though proportionate to his body. at his fingertips, they came to a dull point that was still sharp enough to cut, if he wanted them to. a lot of nicks and scratches were in the strong bones, like the rest of him. </p><p> </p><p>claw-chewing was a bad habit edge had always tried to get red to stop, among other things. and, like most of those other things, he hadn’t stopped. </p><p> </p><p>the skeleton waited at the big kitchen table, gnawing at his hard distal phalanges. the clock ticked by. red didn’t exactly know why he wasn’t doing other things, but he wasn’t. he wouldn’t be able to do those things well anyways, given that his mind would be preoccupied with questions he wanted to ask edge about tuna. was she cute? was her voice as soft in real life as it was over call? was she scary? defensive, strong? or small and cute? </p><p> </p><p>the door opened, fast, how edge usually opened it. it nearly hit the wall behind it, but never did. edge was more careful than that, always meticulous in his actions. </p><p> </p><p>red heard his younger brother’s boots clicking across the cool, hardwood floor, coming towards the kitchen as he had expected. the taller skeleton approached, ducking very slightly to get through the doorframe. his eyelight glanced at red, who hid his chewed-on phalanges in his dark parka pockets. </p><p> </p><p>edge rolls his red eyelights in that annoyed manner only he can, then heads over to the fridge, heels clicking some more. He peers into the fridge, looking for dinner’s leftovers. they weren’t there.</p><p> </p><p>“they were all eaten already.” red said, as his brother pushed the fridge shut with a little too much force, making it shake and wobble a little. he grumbled under his breath, cursing lightly.</p><p> </p><p>“I LEAVE FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT AND SUDDENLY MY EXISTENCE IS FORGOTTEN.” </p><p> </p><p>“you were gone fer four hours, boss,” red mentioned, pointing at the blue cat-shaped clock.</p><p> </p><p>edge blinked, looking up at the clock that sat on the wall, waving it’s tail back and forth. it showed the small hand pointing almost vertically, pointing a little past the 12, and the long hand pointing at the nine. </p><p> </p><p>12:45. </p><p> </p><p>shit, that was late. </p><p> </p><p>he tapped his red boot on the wood of the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“so.. she cute?” </p><p> </p><p>edge eyed him, his unscarred brow bone quirking upwards. he knew what red was asking about, but detested incomplete sentences. he gestured his hand so that red would fix his manner of speech and repeat himself. the smaller skeleton rolled his eyes and did so.  </p><p> </p><p>“is tuna cute?” he asked, grumbling a little to signify his annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>edge nodded, bringing up his phalange to tap at his jaw thoughtfully. he cocked his hip, shifting his weight to the left as he pondered her appearance. edge cared little for one’s physical appearance, since his had been marred, he wasn’t one to judge, even though scars were more admired than anything in his eyesockets. actions mattered more to him than what someone looked like. as far as he was concerned, it was one’s actions that determined attractiveness. </p><p> </p><p>“IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE, I SUPPOSE-” </p><p> </p><p>he’s interrupted by the pitter-patter of boots on the hardwood. here comes blue. his boots slap down the stairs, and across the living room. there’s a small falter in his steps, probablys as he almost trips over something, and then the pattering returns, the short skeleton tearing coccyx into the kitchen, running up to edge.</p><p> </p><p>“EDGE!! YOU’RE HOME! YOU SAW TUNA!! HOW FAR DOES SHE LIVE? DID YOU GET TO TALK TO HER? DID YOU SEE THE DOGS? DID YOU--” </p><p> </p><p>the speed-talking skeleton is interrupted, being lifted up by stretch, who had snuck up behind him. blue squirms a little, kinda like a worm, as he’s placed on his brother’s shoulders. stretch holds the small monster by his ankles so he can’t escape.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s relax, alright blue?” stretch asks, leaning against the wall with his hands keeping blue in place. the shorter skeleton pouts a little, but listens to his brother and relaxes, though he still looks at edge expectantly. he crosses his arms atop stretch’s skull.</p><p> </p><p>stretch’s eyelights wander around the room, as if he’s not paying attention, but he definitely is. lowkey listening.  </p><p> </p><p>so edge begins speaking again, thinking a little before actually saying anything. </p><p> </p><p>“TUNA DOES NOT LIVE FAR FROM HERE, JUST ABOUT A HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTE WALK, POSSIBLY SLIGHTLY MORE. I DID SPEAK TO HER, BUT NOT MUCH. I SAW BOTH OF THE DOGS. FLICKER WAS ASLEEP AND CHOMPY CHEWED ON MY BOOTS THEN TOOK A NAP ON MY LAP. SHE IS VERY SOFT AND FLUF--” </p><p> </p><p>“yeah, yeah, boss, tha's cool. but what does she look like?” red says, which earns him a glare from the edgy skeleton. he folds his arms in front of his chest, tapping his boot on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>“SHE WAS ALRIGHT, I SUPPOSE. FRECKLES, KIND EYES, AND SMALL HANDS. SHORT,” He pauses, thinking, “I DON’T SEE WHAT’S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT A HUMAN’S APPEARANCE.” </p><p> </p><p>all three of the other skeletons sigh, stretch adding an eyeroll for effect. </p><p> </p><p>“jus’ keep goin’. what wus she wearin’? more detail, boss.” </p><p> </p><p>“SWEATPANTS, MUDBOOTS, AND A T-SHIRT. I SUSPECT SHE WAS AROUND 5’2. SHE HAD A BASEBALL BAT WITH NAILS IN IT. SHE LOOKED WEAK.” </p><p> </p><p>“you say that about all humans, edge.” stretch chimes in.</p><p> </p><p>it’s true. he said that about nearly every human being he came across, even if they were built like a steam engine. especially if they’re built like a steam engine. </p><p> </p><p>Still sitting at the table, red looked deep in thought, trying to put the pieces together in his mind. he probably wanted more detail, but he wasn’t going to get it, for at that fateful moment, a groggy Sans walked into the kitchen, yawning and wiping the sleep from his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>the skeleton glanced at his brothers, white eyelights flickering as he fully woke up. Even though it was late at night, the guy slept nearly all day.</p><p> </p><p>“why’s it so quiet in here?” he asks, looking about as he went to the cabinet. He reached in and grabbed some goldfish crackers. </p><p> </p><p>no one said anything. their eyelights just all followed sans. </p><p> </p><p>he turned around, his goldfish crackers in hand, cronching on them and looking at his brothers, raising a bone brow. </p><p> </p><p>“kinda <em> stare </em>-ing me here, guys.” he chuckles, hoping they’ll say something soon, maybe about his puns, and stop staring at him. he glances at his phone in the meantime. there’s the scruffle of feet upon the hardwood as the brothers finally decided to do things other than stare.</p><p> </p><p>huh. bunch of messages in discord. wonder what that was all about. he tapped open the app, scrolling through the main chat and-</p><p> </p><p>god dammit, edge, seriously? he glanced back up at his brothers. red was trying to sneak out of the kitchen, stretch was sticking his head in a fridge, and blue, who was still upon his brother’s shoulders, looked in the cabinet above the fridge. edge had pulled a book from who-knows-where and had begun to read forcefully. </p><p> </p><p>how the hell does one read forcefully?</p><p> </p><p>he raised his phone to the room, the picture that tuna had taken of edge open and filling the screen. red tried to speed up his escape, edge read more forcefully, and stretch and blue practically climbed into the fridge and cabinet, respectively. </p><p> </p><p>“edge, what the hell.” he said, slowly. edge, also slowly, raised his head, and looked at the image. he then winced, seeing that picture for the first time. </p><p> </p><p>“EUGH,” he grunted, “WHAT AN UNFLATTERING IMAGE OF ME.” </p><p> </p><p>“yeah, sure, that’s the issue here. didn’t i say <em> clearly </em> not to go find tuna?” he frowned. edge frowned back in return. </p><p> </p><p>“IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL, I WOULD NEVER WILLINGLY GO LOCATE A HUMAN’S HOUSE FOR MY OWN GAIN,” edge said, placing his book atop the table.</p><p> </p><p>“then why’d you go in her house?” </p><p> </p><p>“BECAUSE, I WANTED TO.” </p><p> </p><p>“so you went in her house for your own gain.” </p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>edge stood and left the kitchen briskly, boots clicking. got him there. edge was great at plans and courses of action and all, but sometimes it was much too easy to beat him at his own game. </p><p> </p><p>sans sighed, looking at the other skeletons. he locked eyelights with red and held. red ceased trying to escape, cursing under his breath and heading back to sit at the table. He drug out the chair he had sat in before, making the legs squeak. the skeleton flopped in like a rock, exposed arm and leg bones clattering slightly against the hard surface. </p><p> </p><p>“stretch. blue. why don’t you two sit down, too. i think we should talk.” </p><p> </p><p>at the sound of their names, the skeletons flinched, each bonking their skulls on either the ceiling of the fridge or the inside of the cabinet. they looked at sans slowly, who was looking at them with that lazy grin of his, except it was a lot more… menacing now. his eyelights weren’t as bright as usual, now a little opaque and flickery. </p><p> </p><p>edge had really fucked up, and they were gonna pay for it. </p><p> </p><p>stretch padded over to the table, dragging his feet. as he did, he lifted blue from atop his shoulders, placing him into a chair, and then pulling out his own. He flopped into it, much like red did, his khaki cargo shorts rustling against the wooden chair. </p><p> </p><p>they waited for their brother to speak. </p><p> </p><p>sans sighed and rubbed the space between his eye sockets, like an exasperated mother. he tossed a few more goldfish back before speaking again. </p><p> </p><p>“so, edge went and found tuna.” </p><p> </p><p>“HE SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” corrected blue, patting the table with his phalanges. </p><p> </p><p>“yeah, he did. but, even so, im sure he knew who she was, given that axe was on the phone with her the entire time.” </p><p> </p><p>“why that creep?” asked red, raising a brow bone, “and how d’ya know?” </p><p> </p><p>“apparently, those two are best pals or something. and she said so, in chat.” sans replied, “but anyways, you guys aren’t allowed to go find tuna yourselves, got it?” </p><p> </p><p>all of the brothers scowled. that was the one thing they wanted to do!</p><p> </p><p>they knew it was a matter of respect and privacy, but still, the urge to find her was definitely there. </p><p> </p><p>sans looked at each of them in turn, expecting an answer. </p><p> </p><p>“but,” started stretch, slouching in his chair, “what if we happen to-” </p><p> </p><p>“no, you are not allowed to go find her in public, nor are you allowed to stalk her or look for her in any way.” </p><p> </p><p>stretch grumbled a little. he had already known the answer, but it didn’t hurt to ask? </p><p> </p><p>“so, boys, repeat after me, alright? ‘i will not look for, stalk, or ‘accidentally discover’ tuna’s location.’”</p><p> </p><p>the brothers at the table paused, looking for a loophole. any loophole, however small. </p><p> </p><p>they couldn’t think of anything. shit. </p><p> </p><p>blue was the first one to speak. </p><p> </p><p>“I WILL NOT LOOK FOR, STALK, OR ‘ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVER’ TUNA’S LOCATION,” he said, a bit pouty, his arms crossed over his chest. </p><p> </p><p>stretch was next. </p><p> </p><p>“i will not look for, stalk, or ‘accidentally discover’ tuna’s location” he rasped. </p><p> </p><p>red was last. he tried to wait it out, because maybe if he did sans would just go away? </p><p> </p><p>that didn’t work. they sat at the table for ten more minutes before he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“i won’t look fer, stalk, er ‘accidentally discover’ tuna’s location.” he grunted, arms crossed.  </p><p> </p><p>“good,” sans said, “you can go now. i’ll have a different conversation with edge, later.” </p><p> </p><p>he padded off, pink slippers shuffling on the hardwood. hopefully, he wouldn’t have any more issues with tuna and his brothers anytime soon. </p><p> </p><p>Just as he had walked up the stairs, there was a quiet, near slient shuffling downstairs that none of the skeletons seemed to notice. the door quietly creaked open, and then shut. </p><p> </p><p>sans seemed to forget that some of his brothers could probably care less about what he has to say. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OWO!</p><p>sorry this took long i suck at writing characters that aren't OCs and also suck at writing in general lmao. writing without caps is freaking PAINFUL</p><p>things will return to normal chatting next chapter, and i wanted to ask what you guys do in discord w/ ur buddies.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Charlotte The Kitten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you find a cat</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok so this chap is rlly short and also weird but read the end notes and u'll see why.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>You were out, driving to the local feed store to get some more chicken scratch. You hadn’t even realized that you had run out, and the birds were </span>
  <em>
    <span>pissed</span>
  </em>
  <span> this morning, since they got a little less food than usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they’re chickens and ducks and stuff! Their </span>
  <em>
    <span>job</span>
  </em>
  <span> is to go find their own food and eat worms and bugs and stuff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, oh, your pets are spoiled bastards and get whatever they want. If the want more food, they get more food, if they want to cause chaos, they cause all the chaos. If they want the souls of their enemies, well, you oblige. A healthy relationship, no?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, well, you got food and stuff in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, besides, you needed a distraction. Last night was… terrifying. You weren’t scared of monsters or anything, but the fact that someone just </span>
  <em>
    <span>showed up</span>
  </em>
  <span> was scary, and you didn’t know what to make of it. You had woken up tired as hell, as well as cranky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your truck grumbled over the dirt-gravel road, groaning slightly since you didn’t use it all that often, only really on the occasions that you needed feed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, you fed your animals house scraps, like food that sat in the fridge too long, or crackers that had gone stale, fruits and vegetables, things like that, too, but you still fed them the feeds so that the could get all the food you needed. You usually bought a lot all at once so you wouldn’t have to take many trips into town.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But your truck rattled it’s way along the road at a steady pace, approaching the grey road that it branched off of. You lived quite a bit out, not near any highways or main roads, so it took a little bit to really get anywhere. Your road branched off a backroad, which branched off of another backroad, which branched off of a more main road, which then branched off the highway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So you were on the road, jamming out to some songs from your playlist. Contrary to popular belief, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>despised</span>
  </em>
  <span> country music. Banjos were cool and all, but excessive amounts of bass and autotune was better. No offence to those who like country, though, more power to ya. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But from your truck’s speakers sounded Hatsune Miku’s voice, which was always a very entertaining thing. The look on people’s faces when they heard this was always just </span>
  <em>
    <span>pure</span>
  </em>
  <span> gold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You enjoyed confusing the locals, honestly. People around here were pretty cool, yeah, but they were lost when it came to autotune and electric guitars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your truck peeled onto the asphalt, the rattling stopping as the blue vehicle got onto the smoother, less rocky surface. You sighed as the music changed, this time to a completely different mood, 100 Gecs assaulting your earbuds. Unironically, you loved 100 Gecs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, after half an hour, you made it to the feed store. You groaned and tumbled out of your truck, legs numb and buzzy from sitting so long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You entered the store and waved at the tired high schooler at the register. He waved back and yawned. From the cart line-up you pulled a flat-bed cart, pushing it towards the back of the store, where the bags of feed were resting. You looked over at them, reading the labels to make sure you got the right one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Starter/Grower… ah! Layer Feed.” you muttered, tucking your hands under the yellow fifty-pound bag. You tossed it easily onto the cart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grabbed another two bags of the feed, then pushing the cart towards the doggo section of the store, lifting a bag of dog food onto the cart. You groan, since there is now about two hundred pounds of food on this cart. You weren’t weak, but good god you weren’t super strong. You pushed the cart forward and grunted, trying to make this trip quick, but also not wanting the cart to crash into anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull up to the register and the highschooler, who’s tag says “Hello! I’m kOdy”, eyes the bags of feed. He rings you up and asks, “ya need help gettin’ your stuff to your vehicle, ma’am?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope!” You say, with maybe a little too much excitement. You didn’t much like going into town, nor did you like being around people all that often, and you had terrible social skills. So, you always spoke awkwardly, too happily, trying to be the mayor of nothing. The fact that you hadn’t slept last night didn’t help. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hand over your card and he swipes it, then hands it back. You smile more, sticking the card into your wallet and sticking the leather object into your pocket. You push the cart out of the store. The parking lot is at a sort of incline, so you have to pull on the cart to make sure it doesn’t just go careening off into oblivion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You manage to get your truck without breaking anything, and you sigh thankfully. Once again, you reach your hands under the heavy bags and lift them into the bed of the truck, groaning after each one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s my exercise for the day,” you laugh. You hated intentional exercise. Thicc thighs save lives y’know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You take the cart back to the cart corral, then pad back to your truck. Fuck, now you can get back home. You get in and peel out of the lot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so you’re driving, Mother Mother singing “Hayloft,” when suddenly, THERE’S A CAT!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small cat is in the road, padding across the asphalt, tail sticking up in the air. Quickly, you pull over. Cat cat cat. When you see a stray animal, you get tunnel vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You jump, literally, out of your truck, keeping eyes on the road for oncoming traffic. You click your tongue at the small cat, and it looks at you curiously, and mews. It’s throat sounds sore, and raspy, like Pianoman’s voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pspspspsp,” you say to the kitty, using your extensive meme knowledge to call to it. And it works! You knew memes would come in handy one day. The kitty runs over to you, tail in the air, and rubs against your knees, rubbing their cheek against your outstretched hand. Oh, fuck, poor kitty. It’s skinny, and you can feel it’s ribs under it’s fluffy fur. You pet the kitten, getting it more comfortable with you, and then reach underneath it’s body, lifting it up. It’s tummy is empty, and it’s hip bones are sharp. You sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Poor baby,” you mutter to the kitten, holding it close to your body as it squirms. It’s still young, but oh-so-tiny and skinny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You climb back into the truck, placing the kitten in your lap. You have a milk replacer at home, in case the cat needs it, since you’ve been in a similar situation once before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hurry home, kitten on your lap, petting it with one hand and the other on the steering wheel. How would you explain this to the cops if you got pulled over? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Sorry dude was busy petting a cat acab tho’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, no, that’d definitely get you arrested. Shouldn’t say that. But you kept on petting the cat anyways, comforting it and also making sure it didn’t hop off of your lap and onto the floor to make you crash. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon, faster than it had taken you to get into town, you were home, trying to smuggle the kitten into the house without the chickens noticing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Back, back, you fowl beasts!” you shouted as the birds approached. Comedy would like that one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your dogs barked as you entered the house, yapping and startling the kitten. Her little tiny claws dug into the skin of your arm, and you winced. You brought her into the kitchen and set her in the sink so that you could check her for fleas. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sighed, and left her in the sink as you dug in the cabinets for soap to wash her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You heard scrambling above your head and paused. Fuck, she’s escaping. You pull the soap out from under the sink quickly and see the kitten on the counter, walking around. You grab her and sigh, trying to contain the wiggling cat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You run the warm water and gently put it on the kitten. She wriggles grumpily under the water, mewling and complaining loudly. Chompy sits on your feet, tail waggling as she demands to know what you have. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flicker, on the other hand, stomps her feet, whimpering and crying because she is the mother friend and if something seems sad she must make it happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sigh and place the kitten down in the sink, patting your pups on their heads. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pull a kitchen towel from the handle of the oven and wrap it around the kitty, making her into a purrito. Hah. Comedy would like that one too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You rub the kitten, drying her off and making her warm, carrying her to the couch and placing her on your chest, continuing to dry her. Flicker sticks her face up right next to the kitten, sniffing her so hard she nearly vacuumed the cat into her nostrils</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chompy scrambles onto the couch to sniff at the cat, which she doesn’t realize isn’t actually food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once she’s dried and not looking like a wet rat, cuddled up on you lap, you have a minute to think. Are you gunna keep this cat? You have a lot on your plate as is but… she’s so cute.. And she needs a home and… oh, she’s so cute. She purrs as you pet her fuzzy little head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pet the tiny orange blaze on her forehead softly, smiling at the kitten, and a warmth spreads in your heart looking at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You take a picture of her curled up on your lap, then send it to the group chat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBlueBerry: KITTY!! SHE’S SO CUTE!!! NAME HER CHARLOTTE!!! OR RAISIN, IF ITS A BOY!!!!!! BUT YOU SHOULD NAME IT CHARLOTTE ANYWAYS!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You chuckle and sigh. Oh, Blu, you dork. He was always happy and eager, and was constantly talking in caps. Maybe his cap lock button broke? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I dont even know if im gonna keep her lol</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ThePianoman: knowing u if u took it home ur probs gunna keep it</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was right. That’s what happened with the last cat you had, and Flicker. Dangit Pianoman, stop being right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i mean she is Really cute</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: And Charlotte is a really cute name ngl. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You keep petting the blaze on her forehead, smiling at the tiny kitten. Maybe you would keep her. You’ve hardly had her for an hour, but still, you think you’re in love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You fall asleep with Charlotte on your chest, purring away happily, with Chompy on your lap, and Flicker spread out across your shins and feet. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, on monday the 8th of this month (september) my fam and i rescued a young tortie kitten. she was very skinny and flea-ridden. we fed her and bathed her. we named her charlotte.  we took her to the vet, gave her fluids to make her feel better, etc, etc. soon, she started having severe seizures, collapsing suddenly, not eating on her own or drinking on her own. she slept nearly all day. </p><p>my mother took her to the vet and they determined the cause was an infection in her brain that she was not going to be able to fight off. we had to put her down so that she wouldn't suffer anymore. </p><p>so ig this chapter is a tribute to Charlotte. i get it kinda doesn't make sense but it's here. story probs wont update for a little. </p><p>but what i do have to say tho is go rescue a cat or a dog or a rabbit or something please. thanks &lt;3. </p><p>(also idk if this will be canon or not so it's just existing :/)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Play Me A Song You're The Piano Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you have a kinda shitty morning and so you bond with Pianoman/Stretch/Underswap Paps</p><p>by the way!!</p><p>this chapter seems out of place!! since it kinda went EDGE BREAKS INTO UR HOUSE! &gt; EVERYONE GETS FUSSED AT BY SANS &gt; sad cat time &gt; VIBIN WITH PIANOMAN</p><p>that, my guys, gals, and non-binary pals, is because it kinda is! for the next few chapters, there'll be normal chatfic stuff!! butttt,,,,,, thennnnn,,,, soon,,,,, shit will start happeningggggggg,,,,,,, ooooo how fun! ((but remember the last chapter where everyone gets fussed at by sans)) ilu</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sOOOOOOOOoo it turns out writing is my *~Coping Mechanism~*</p><p>ALSO!!! WOW!!! 176 KUDOS??? 33 BOOKMARKS????? 1268 HITS??? THIS IS CRAZY THANK YOU SO MUCH OMGGG</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night fucked up your sleep schedule royally.</p><p>You kept thinking you heard things outside, trash can lids falling, sticks breaking, growling, anything that could keep you up longer. Eventually, you had fallen asleep, Charlotte bundled in a cinnamon bun on your chest, but only due to pure exhaustion, and at three in the morning, so that you only had mere minutes to sleep.</p><p>You could swear that the world was out to get you.</p><p>The morning was a disaster to it’s core, as well. The dogs had decided to dump their food bowls all over the floor, and Charlotte decided to play in her wet food, getting herself dirty, so you had to clean her up.</p><p>When you went outside, the roosters kept trying to fight you, even though they had food to eat. They puffed out their neck feathers and lowered their heads like bulls, stomped their feet in challenge. At first, you had just rolled your eyes and ignored them, but then one of them ran up behind you, jumped and kicked.</p><p>“CHAD!” You squeaked, scooting away from the chicken and giving him a Look™.</p><p>You had begun to walk away from them when the other rooster charged at you.</p><p>“KEVIN!!” you hollered, pointing at the chicken before he could actually kick at you. He blinked at you. You began to back away from the two, but they tried to follow. Both luckily and unluckily, Chompy charged at the roosters, yapping at them and chasing them away. Downside of this was you had to grab the dog and put her inside to prevent her from eating the chickens.</p><p>Why wasn’t she so defensive of you that night, with the skeleton??</p><p>Your other chores took longer than usual, your animals sensing your frustration and staying away, or causing issues in general. Milking the goats had taken twice as long as usual, with them being angry at your for being ever-so-slightly late, the horses were being stubborn, but, after them, your morning chores were nearly finished. You were tired as hell, though. You would have just collapsed on the ground if you could, but you had once promised yourself not to take naps during the day and be as productive as possible.</p><p>You made your way to the paths in the back, and in doing so, tripped multiple times and fell, multiple times, over rocks, sticks, dirt, and air. Your legs were scraped up and covered in bruises by the time you returned, your bum and back covered in dried mud from when you fell near the crick.</p><p>You trudged back into the warmth of your house, sighing heavily and wading into your room, to go put on fresh clothes. Or, rather, fresh pajamas. Today was a no-jeans-allowed-zone.</p><p>You stuck on some black sweatpants and a grey tee with smiley faces on it. You looked disheveled and you had bags under your eyes, your hair was in a messy, sleep-mussed bun on the side of your head, and it looked like you’d been awake for days. But, since you were going to be home all day, you could care less.</p><p>You groaned to yourself, lifting little Charlotte from your bed and shuffled to the living room, dragging your feet, clambering onto the couch and turning on the television, just for some background noise. You placed Charlotte on the back of the couch, where she settled into a tiny loaf of cat.</p><p>Flicker crawled onto your stomach, licking your chin a little, thinking she’s a lap dog even though she’s at least ninety pounds. You held her, even though breathing was hard with her chunky self on top of you. You pulled your phone from your pocket, resting it atop your dog’s head, closing out of the call channel that you had been in with Wild. Looks like he didn’t listen today.</p><p>Though, you’re kind of glad of that. You were tired and kind of cranky, and you had a real sailor’s mouth this morning, uttering any foul words you could think of.</p><p>You scrolled around in the group chat, but, finding nothing interesting, you went to look in the call channels.</p><p>You saw Pianoman in the group call, alone. He was pretty chill. You could chat with him, probably. Maybe talk about music and stuff, normal people things.</p><p>“What’s up, pianoman?” You greeted, as you entered the call. You heard a small grunt of surprise from the other line, and then vigorous chewing.</p><p>Uhhh…?</p><p>“This is some really weird ASMR, dude, you okay?”</p><p>Choking noises. You waited.</p><p>Soon, the noises went away.</p><p>“You… you alright, there, bro?” you ask, cautiously, not wanting him to choke on… whatever he choked on… again.</p><p>“yeah, yeah, m’ all good,” he says, in that quiet drawl of his, voice slightly hoarse from coughing.</p><p>“What was that all about, bud?” you question, your fingers stroking through Flicker’s wiry fur.</p><p>“didn’t realize i was in call, and i was eating cookie dough. you surprised me.” he chuckled.</p><p>“Cookie dough? Raw cookie dough?”</p><p>“oh, no, you sound like lil blu.” he groaned, and you heard the thunk of something hard against another something hard.</p><p>“Yer gonna get sick, dude. Do you eat brownie mix, too?”</p><p>A pause. A very quiet pause. A long pause.</p><p>That meant yes.</p><p>“...when blu isn’t looking.” he chuckles, and you can hear the crinkling of a wrapper. Soon, loud, wet chomping follows suit.</p><p>“Bro, get the phone away from your mouth, before I beat you.”</p><p>It was possibly the emptiest threat in your life. You’d never harmed anyone purposefully in your life, let alone for some uncalled for ASMR.</p><p>But, you heard a sigh and some shuffling and rustling, as the phone was taken from it’s place to another, hopefully not near your friend’s mouth.</p><p>“that better?” he asks, his mouth sounding stuffed full of food.</p><p>“No.” you frowned, “stop talkin’ with your mouth full, or I’ll tell on you.”</p><p>“tell on me?”</p><p>“Mhm. I feel like being a tattle tale today. I'll tell Lil Blu you’re talking with your mouth full”</p><p>“oh, no, man, don’t do that,” he chuckled, his voice now clear of food.</p><p>“Thank you. Someone needs to teach ya manners.”</p><p>“mm, naw, i’m good on those. i’ve gotten by just fine without.”</p><p>“Suuuure. Manners attract friends, and so then you can’t complain bout being lonely.”</p><p>“and when have i done that?”</p><p>You check your notes on your phone, where you kept a list of every time Stretch complained about not having a cuddle buddy.</p><p>“Only…” you clicked your tongue, “only every other tuesday, thursday and friday. Last time you complained was wed--”</p><p>“yeah, okay, i got it.” he interrupted, making you both laugh a little.</p><p>“Hey,” you asked, “heard any good music lately? I’m gettin tired of my playlist.”</p><p>“... i should keep track of how many times a month you say that.”</p><p>“Shuddup,” you chuckled, scrolling through your Spotify playlist, removing songs you were tired of. Which was, now as you saw, actually most of them. You easily cut your 70-song playlist in half.</p><p>“hey, actually, i’ve got somethin’....” you hear him groan and shuffle around, wandering away from the phone, grunting when he returns, the springs of a bed creaking noisily under his weight, “--that i’ve been workin’ on lately. thought you might wanna hear it an’ judge me?”</p><p>“Fuck, yea, Pianoman. I live fer that sexy smoker’s cough of yours.”</p><p>“that was one time, tuna, one time!” he chuckled. He never laughed very loudly, unless it was, of course, it was about you getting spooked by a skeleton in your house (the minecraft skeleton, duh. He’d never laugh about your house being invaded by an actual skeleton.)</p><p>“Yeah, an’ I’ll remind you of it forever.”</p><p>“jerk” he grunts.</p><p>“You love me, though.”</p><p>“says who?”</p><p>“Me.”</p><p>“fair ‘nuff. Ready, tuna?”</p><p>“Yeah, smoker-boy.”</p><p>He huffs at you, and a few seconds later, you hear the gentle strumming of an acoustic guitar, gentle yet lively at the same time. He keeps that beat for a few seconds, plucking the strings, getting a feel, and then---</p><p>An incorrect chord is struck.</p><p>“fucc.” he grunts, making you giggle.</p><p>“take two,” he says, restarting from the beginning, building up the tune a little and, oh, there it is, that awesome voice of his.</p><p>
  <em>“another turning point, a fork stuck in th’ road,</em><br/>
<em>time grabs you by th’ wrist, directs you where to go,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so make th’ best of this test ‘n don’t ask why,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it’s not a question, but a lesson learned in tiME--”</em>
</p><p>Oh,</p><p>Your fuckin’</p><p>God.</p><p>His voice CRACKED.</p><p>SHATTERED, IN FIFTEEN PLACES, LIKE GLASS.</p><p>You wheezed, causing Flicker and Charlotte to raise their heads in concern. You slid onto the floor, coughing a little and clutching your stomach.</p><p>“...oh my god.” Pianoman mutters, under his breath. You can hear the bedsprings creak again and the sound of wood being hit lightly. He probably tossed his guitar aside in shame (gently. Lil Blu got him that for a holiday of theirs years ago)</p><p>“Duuuudddeeee,,,” you cough, face reddening with how hard you were laughing, “How old are you, fifteen? Thirteen?”</p><p>He coughed.</p><p>“‘parently. guess ‘m going through puberty. fuck, im never singing ever again. I have dishonored my own honor.”</p><p>“Whaaaaat, nooooo, man, try againnnnn, I believe in you and your voice-breaks and your coughing.”</p><p>“... you gonna remember that, too, tuna?”</p><p>“Oooooof course,” you sing-song, leaning your head back on the cushions of the couch, “but seriously, man, that sounded good! Until… well, until you turned thirteen. Try again!”</p><p>You liked Pianoman’s voice, it was husky and raspy, since he’d been smoking since god-knows-how-long, and was so, so comforting. It reminded you of your grandpops.</p><p>He sighed.</p><p>“Hey,” you say, voice soft, “if your voice breaks again, just keep going. It sounded neat. pplleaassee?”</p><p>“alright, tuna, since you asked nicely.” you heard him pick up his guitar again, rustling and grunting as he got comfortable.</p><p>He started strumming again, his hands sounding a bit more confident this time, more eager and sure.</p><p>“<em>another turning point, a fork stuck in th’ road,</em></p><p>
  <em>time grabs you by th’ wrist, directs you where t’ go,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so make the best of this test n’ don't ask why,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it's not a question, but a lesson learned in time”</em>
</p><p>He strums without singing for a half-second.</p><p>
  <em>“it's something unpredictable, but in th’ end it's right,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i hope you had the time of your life”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He strums a little more.</p><p><em>“so take th’ photographs and still frames in your mind</em>… duhduhduh duh.”</p><p>He chuckles and mumbles a bit at the end, sounding a tiny bit embarrassed, the strumming of his guitar fading.</p><p>“uh, that’s all i got for now. but i did a bit better this time, huh?”</p><p>“Hm? Wha? Didja say something?” you grunt, realizing you were about to fall asleep to the sound of that honey voice.</p><p>“that bad?” he groans, though snickering a bit at himself.</p><p>“What, no, dude, that was great. Just tired and, your voice, dude, so satisfying. Lucious. Beautiful. uhhhhh... pleasing!”</p><p>“are you just saying that?” he questioned.</p><p>“Nope! And you know that I can never tell a lie.”</p><p>“Dork.”</p><p>“Play another one,” you encouraged, “I can be the drums!”</p><p>You began beating your flat palms on the floor in a horrible, lopsided rhythm.</p><p>“...you’re trash.”</p><p>“Sing, or ill bully you, nerd.”</p><p>“fine, fine,”</p><p>He strummed his guitar in rhythm with your bad ‘drumbeat’ in a happy tune, bouncy and more country than most of the songs he had previously sung for you.</p><p>“OOOooooOOOh,” he belted, putting on a terrible southern accent.</p><p>“ah rode mah horse tuh thuh rodeo an ah pick’d me up a fine lookin gurl--”</p><p>You began cackling again, giving up on trying to keep a beat going. You clutched your stomach and giggled.</p><p>“You asshole! That’s not what I sound like!”</p><p>“you love me.”</p><p>“Says who?”</p><p>“me.”</p><p>You put on your best Pianoman voice, contracting your throat and rasping,</p><p>“Fair ‘nuff”</p><p>“thats not what i sound like!”</p><p>You both devolved into a pit of laughter and giggles.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hOpE yOu HaVe ThE tImE oF yOuR lIfE aAaAaAaAaAaAaA</p><p>song was "Good Riddance" by Green Day</p><p>dont worry it's not foreshawdowing i just love the band and imagining a sexy raspy voice singing uwU</p><p>also. Chad and Kevin. c'mon guys stop being mean. </p><p>iloveyouguys tholol</p><p>whddya do in your discord chatrooms? i'd love to know!! (for chapter ideas and bcus i wanna know lmao))</p><p>iluuuu have a nice dayyy u.u</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bad Things Happen When You Play Video Games.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>YAY!! Among us!! ive never played this game before so i proooobably got things wrong lmao. but, yay!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>red is sus ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Hey guys, look at this game i found.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: https://www.amongus.com/thisisthefakestlinkever0mg/il0veu</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: we should play sometime its multiplayer</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ill kick ur ass at it </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: Language!!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: No cursing in chat!!!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Yes, Cherry, watch your fucking profanity!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: CEO!!!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: pfft.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: that was literally the most counterproductive sentence i've ever read</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: have u seen urself tho</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: im not a sentence???</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: shut up nerd</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ??????</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: guys i s2g if u start fighting ill never play minecraft again</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: no wait m srry tuna</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: thats rite u better be sorry</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: anyways u guys wanna play</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: I can play!! Later, though!!! Im going to the store with Puzzle soon!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PuzzleMaster: Yes!!! We are going to look at the sales!!!!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You wondered how many exclamation points one could use in one sentence. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: i gotta tag along with those two so also later from me. game looks fun tho</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i can play wit u whenevr u want tuna ;)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: gross</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: what about you @HotTopicCEO? U up to play? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Why did you ping me!?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: I’ve told you not to do that unless the situation is dire!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: this is dire :P my happiness is on the line here</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Ugh. Later. Currently I am at work doing important things that I cannot discuss. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: aight coo’ </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @ComedyCentral ?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You waited a while for a response, but got none. You couldn’t tell if he was online or not, since he always put himself on invisible for some reason. He was almost as bad of a lurker as Wild.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: is he even awake</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: idk lmme check</b>
</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: naw hes passed th fk out lik nomal</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: LANGUAGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah cherry watch ur language </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: but darn. It’s two in the afternoon anyways how is he still asleep??</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u think wild wants to play?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: prbly not. this game’s not his styl.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: guess im stuck with you til later huh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ill make it wurth ur while sweetcheeks ;)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: nasty</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: damn rite</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: cherry stop being gross or ceo will murder u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: m not being gross</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ur being pretty gross</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: brb gotta get eggs broskies</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ok bb ill b here if u miss me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You rolled your eyes and stood, peeling yourself from your bed, rustling up from the oh-so-soft sheets and quilted blankets. You went to your dresser and grabbed some socks. They were black and had little slices of cheese on them. You found them kinda ironic, seeing as though people often compared stinky feet to the smell of cheese. </p><p> </p><p>Your feet weren’t stinky, of course. In fact, you smelled like a cucumber melon, whatever that smelled like. It was sweet, that’s all you knew. </p><p> </p><p>You made your way to the living room, and then out the front door, shivering at the sudden change in temperature. You clutched your arms and peered around. You found your mud boots and stuck your feet into them. You padded down the wooden steps, carefully, though, you still had bruises on your legs from that stressful morning. </p><p> </p><p>You padded over to the chicken coop, where one of your hens was sitting on a beanbag. Your chickens were assholes and liked bean bags more than they liked the actual nest boxes. </p><p> </p><p>Stretching you hand out to stroke the bird, she screeched at you, sounding like a prehistoric demon-raptor thing. </p><p> </p><p>“I know,,,” you say to her with a sigh, “but I gotta look under ya butt.” </p><p> </p><p>She roared again. </p><p> </p><p>You booped her beak and slowly slipped a hand under her.</p><p> </p><p>Your hands met some round objects, which were, in theory, eggs. But, ya never know. Could be big jellybeans, or rocks. Never assume, bro. </p><p> </p><p>You pull one out. </p><p> </p><p>Yep, an egg. </p><p> </p><p>You turn it in your hands and look at it. You see a fairly faint swirl pattern on it and nod, beginning to put it in your pocket. Duck eggs were always fun.</p><p> </p><p>The hen <em> screee’d </em> again, her mouth wide in anger. </p><p> </p><p>Oh no. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> REEEEEE </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, you can have it back. But just so you know, this isn’t even a chicken egg.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Reeeeeeeeeeeeee </em>
</p><p> </p><p>You stuck the egg back under the hen, trying to count what was under her without lifting her. She pecked you angrily. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Reeeeeeeeeee </em>
</p><p> </p><p>You sigh again. You’re talking to a chicken. You <em> really </em>need some sleep, you sad, sad person. You move to the beanbag beside her, which was unoccupied, and picked up some eggs. They were fun colors; some white, some off white with the tell-tale swirl of a duck egg, some pastel blues and greens, brown with freckles, some nearly pink, and some an olive-colored, deep green. You loved eggs. </p><p> </p><p>You chucked the eggs into your pockets, gently, of course, so they wouldn’t break, and headed back to the house. You went in through the back, since it was closer. </p><p> </p><p>Placing the eggs into a basket on the table in the dining room, you amble over to your bedroom, slipping back under your sheets, groaning in pleasure at the feeling of the warm quilts and soft sheets on your body. You fix the pillows behind your back, propping them up behind you. </p><p> </p><p>You did your phone out from under Chompy, who had decided to put her loafy butt on it. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, god. Pianoman and Cherry are fighting. Fuck. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: cherry stop being nasty</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: im not being nasty u dumass </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: ur being a weirdo</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ur a weirdo. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: that has no weight coming from you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: stfu</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: cant make me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: wanna bet</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: yeah fuckin bet no balls</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: both of you are acting like babies. Also watch the language. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ur a baby</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: you wanna say that to my face</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: …</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: no</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that's right. Both of yall need to stop fighting, k? For me?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: ...</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: no promises but ill try</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ^</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You sigh with enough force that you’re sure that Pianoman and Cherry can feel it. They both pretty much despise each other, with one of them almost always pressing the other’s buttons. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: now what r u guys gunna do now that ur not about to rip eachother apart?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: hopefully u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: stfu</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: &lt;3</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>------</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Six hours later</b>
</p><p>
  <b>------</b>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Alright, im ready if you guys are,” you say into the group call, moving your little round character around. You chose lime, since everyone else got to choose their colors before you. </p><p> </p><p>Comedy was Blue, Cherry was Red (which he keeps laughing hysterically about?), Pianoman was Orange, Puzzle is Yellow (Complaining that he wanted to be orange), CEO was Black (Stating that it’s the only good color), and Lil Blue was Cyan (he pouted for a little because he didn’t get to be blue, but only until he found the hats. Now he’s happy as shit.)</p><p> </p><p>You had wanted to be orange as well, but Pianoman is apparently really fast. </p><p> </p><p>Cherry had found the cherry hat and you convinced him to wear it, since it was funny as fuck. Puzzle complained about there being no spaghetti hat, and so settled on not wearing a hat. You decided that the egg hat was the best one, and chose that one. Blu went with the bear ears, because he found them ‘ABSOLUTELY 100% AWESOME AND THE BEST THINGS EVER WOWIE!!!’</p><p> </p><p>No one else went with any hats, which was <em> lame </em>, but you didn’t judge them too hard. </p><p> </p><p>“yeah, im ready, darlin’” Cherry said, running circles around your character. </p><p> </p><p>“I, TOO, AM READY.” shouted CEO into his phone, walking his dude back and forth. </p><p> </p><p>“SAMMMMMMMMMMMMME HERRRRRRRRE!!” hollered Lil Blu, running clumsy… stars….? Around Pianoman, who was just standing there. </p><p> </p><p>“I AM ALSO PREPARED!!!!” shrieked Puzzle, running between you and Comedy’s character. </p><p> </p><p>“ready,” grunted Pianoman, sounding… really kinda confident.</p><p> </p><p>“All good here,” says Comedy lazily, and with a yawn. </p><p> </p><p>“Alrightttttyyyyy~” you purred, like an evil villainess about to unleash her grand master plan upon the word as the screen changed, showing you that you were a crewmate. You pouted a little. You wanted to be the imposter!!</p><p> </p><p>But you departed from the starting area, going to do your tasks. You swipe your card as the little list says, then run to start doing other things. </p><p> </p><p>You’re in the middle of running to navigation when someone announces a body. </p><p> </p><p>“who killed blu?” asked Pianoman, with a slight hint of hostility to his voice, causing you to giggle.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude, the impostor isn’t gonna expose themselves.” </p><p> </p><p>“oh. right.” he cleared his throat. </p><p> </p><p>“I WAS IN ELECTRICAL!!” shouted Puzzle, patting something loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“I was in uhhhh,,,, what's that place,,,, with the uhhh,,, the lights,,,,” </p><p> </p><p>“Ok so Cherry is sus.” you say, with confidence. Mans doesn’t even know where he was. </p><p> </p><p>“im not sus!!” he squeaks. </p><p> </p><p>“Very sus.” </p><p> </p><p>“i was on my way to security.” yawned Comedy. </p><p> </p><p>“I WAS IN THE LOWER ENGINE” Yelled CEO</p><p> </p><p>“I was on my way to the engines when i found Blu. he was closer to the lower engines” Pianoman said, tapping his finger on something. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m thinking maybe it was Cherry. The dude didn’t even know where he was.” </p><p> </p><p>“i mean yeah that makes sense, but maybe he’s just a moron?” Comedy suggests. Cherry growls.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m not a moron! i’m a genius an’ you jus’ refuse to acknowledge that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no, can confirm that Cherry is indeed a moron. Still sus tho” you pipe in. </p><p> </p><p>“YOU KNOW WHO IS MORE SUSPICIOUS? CEO! CEO WAS IN THE LOWER ENGINES HIMSELF WHEN BLU WAS FOUND NEAR THE LOWER ENGINE.” yelled Puzzle</p><p> </p><p> “ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE CEO, KILLED BLU?” </p><p> </p><p>“YES, I AM!!!” </p><p> </p><p>“WHAT PROOF DO YOU HAVE?” Crows CEO, followed by a heavy <em> thud </em> on something hard. </p><p> </p><p>“WELL---” </p><p> </p><p>“EXACTLY, YOU CRETIN!” </p><p> </p><p>“I DID NOT GET TO FINISH!” </p><p> </p><p>“YOU DON’T NEED TO, FOR I AM NOT THE IMPOSTOR!!” </p><p> </p><p>“CEO you’re acting <em> super sus </em>right now.” you pipe, trying to be heard over the shouting match. </p><p> </p><p>“HAHA! SOMEONE IS ON MY SIDE!” </p><p> </p><p>“i think im gunna vote ceo.” coughs Pianoman.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. he’s more untrustworthy than Cherry.” </p><p> </p><p>“YOU IMBECILES!!! I AM NOT THE IMPOSTER!!” shouts CEO, as everyone votes for him. </p><p> </p><p>The screen cut and showed CEO’s character float across the screen. Words followed him as he swirled away. </p><p> </p><p>‘HotTopicCEO was not the imposter’ </p><p> </p><p>Ah!!</p><p> </p><p>“Im sorry, CEO!!” you squeal. </p><p> </p><p>The next round starts. You’re running around, doing your tasks like a normal person when you find quickly the body of Cherry in the entrance to the Lower Engines, lying there…. Lifeless. </p><p> </p><p>“nnnnnnooooooooooo,,,” you fake-cry, and press the little report thingy.</p><p> </p><p>“I WAS IN ELECTRICAL!!” Shouts Papyrus. </p><p> </p><p>“...weren’t you in electric last time someone was found dead?” questions Pianoman.</p><p> </p><p>“WHY, YES, I WAS!!” he responds, shouting in such confidence you couldn’t help nod your head. </p><p> </p><p>“Electricity is important.” </p><p> </p><p>“But innit weird he’s in the same place two times in a row?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, actually, that’s weird.” </p><p> </p><p>“IT WAS COINCIDENCE!!” </p><p> </p><p>“He did push pretty hard for CEO last round.”</p><p> </p><p>“AH!! DONT VOTE ME!! IM NOT THE IMPOSTER I SWEAR!” </p><p> </p><p>“that’s what they all say”  Comedy quips. </p><p> </p><p>“Alrighty then. How about you, Comedy,” you question, “Where were you?” </p><p> </p><p>“was in storage.” </p><p> </p><p>“mm, Puzzle was closer to the engines than Comedy, and he’s super suspicious. Think im gonna go with him.” </p><p> </p><p>“WAIT--” </p><p> </p><p>He spins across the screen. </p><p> </p><p>‘PuzzleMaster’ was not the Impostor.</p><p> </p><p>Not again!!! No!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>Man, you were really bad at guessing the imposter. </p><p> </p><p>fufufu. Next round. &gt;:))</p><p> </p><p>This time, you'd guess the imposter right. Had to be either Comedy or Pianoman. </p><p> </p><p>You were running around, trying to get tasks done as well as you could, which was hard with only two people doing tasks. You're close to finishing, so freaking close to finishing, inches away from finishing the tasks when-- </p><p> </p><p>Pianoman. He's M U R D E R E D. On the ground!! Not that there was anywhere else to be murdered but... </p><p> </p><p>How disrespectful!!!</p><p> </p><p>Then the Defeat screen is shown. </p><p> </p><p>The imposter won. </p><p> </p><p>Comedy’s little dude showed up. </p><p> </p><p>“You traitor!!” you mock-gasp. </p><p> </p><p>You press the play again button. </p><p> </p><p>This time… </p><p> </p><p>You were still not the imposter! </p><p> </p><p>Heck!<br/><br/></p><p>Fifteen games and three and a half hours later, you only get imposter once!</p><p> </p><p>But that was the best game. The best. You murdered both Cherry <em> and </em> CEO, which was just perfect, because you knew they'd get butthurt and mope. Oh, goodness, how you loved breaking egos in half. </p><p> </p><p>But, alas, you are, in reality, a terrible Among Us imposter. While in the process of casually eating CEO’s upper half, Blu ran up and reported you. </p><p> </p><p>“I SAW TUNA KILL CEO!!! SHE WAS IN FRONT OF MEDBAY!!!!” </p><p> </p><p>“uhhhhhh nope, you’re seeing things?” you try to defend yourself, though its not very convincing, “Trust me on this one?”</p><p> </p><p>“trust is nothing in this game,” mentions Pianoman, and what he’s saying is… definitely true. You’re voted for and your character drifts across the screen. </p><p> </p><p>DEFEAT!!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>Still. It was the best game. Being imposter is the best. Murder is fun. Actually, correction: Virtual murder is fun. Actual murder is bad. </p><p> </p><p>But just one time, you yawned into the microphone. Once, <em> once, </em> when you were waiting for a new game to start, and then everyone was telling you to go to sleep, its fucking late. </p><p> </p><p>You complained, of course, though yawning again and rubbing your eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“TUNA!!!! YOU MUST GO TO SLEEP YOU NEED SLEEP IN ORDER TO FUNCTION AND DO THINGS!!!!!!!” announced Lil Blue</p><p> </p><p>“YES,” Agreed Puzzle, “SLEEP IS REQUIRED FOR EVERYDAY FUNCTIONS. I WOULD KNOW, I GO TO SLEEP… AN HOUR AGO!!! OH, GEE, I’VE STAYED UP TOO LATE!!!!!! AH!!! GOODBYE, TUNA!!! SLEEP WELL!!” </p><p> </p><p>You laugh and shake your head as he disconnected from the game nearly before he was able to complete his own sentence. </p><p> </p><p>“yeah,” comedy groans, letting loose a beast of a yawn, “i’m pretty tired myself.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re always tired,” you correct, with a small chuckle, “but go to sleep, anyways.” </p><p> </p><p>He gives you a noise of confirmation and also leaves. You're now stuck with Cherry, Pianoman, CEO, and Lil Blu, who Pianoman is trying to convince to go to bed. </p><p> </p><p>“bro,” he said to Blu, “it’s literally eleven at night. you were supposed to be asleep at least an hour and a half ago.” </p><p> </p><p>“BUT I DON’T WANNA!” He whined. You knew Blu was an adult, at least, but exactly how old, you could never tell, due to his childlike demeanor. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, bud, tell ya what. I’ll make tacos with you tomorrow if you head to bed, okay?  </p><p> </p><p>You heard an over-excited gasp, and some excited squealing. </p><p> </p><p>“OH, BOY, REALLY?? WOWIE!! WE WILL MAKE THE BEST TACOS!!” </p><p> </p><p>Then there's a huge crash noise, the sound of something breaking and the painful noise of wood shattering, and then the bigger noise of something clattering to the floor. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah shit here we go again-” groans both Comedy and Pianoman, their audio cutting. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?” you ask. </p><p> </p><p>“I think that uh… lil blu broke ‘is chair again.”</p><p> </p><p>“...again? Meaning he’s done this before?” </p><p> </p><p>“oh yeah. all the time. kid gets too excited.” </p><p> </p><p>“HE’S BROKEN AT LEAST THREE CHAIRS BEFORE, IN HIS EXCITEMENT.” CEO confirms. </p><p> </p><p>“He alright?” </p><p> </p><p>“th’ kids unbreakable, i promise. don’t worry, sweetcheeks” </p><p> </p><p>“If you say so…” you sigh, only slightly worried about the wellbeing of your friend. But the guys who live with him know more than you about him being ‘unbreakable,’ right?</p><p> </p><p>“M’ gunna get off the game, but, hey, we’ll talk t’morrow, kay?” </p><p> </p><p>“M’kay, dolly. guess i’ll list’n to that sweet voice another time, yeah?” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure, weirdo.” </p><p> </p><p>You close the game with a chuckle, also out of the call. You stand from the chair and stretch, popping your bones, groaning. Your butt was numb from sitting so long, and your throat felt kind of numb from laughing so much. </p><p> </p><p>Your friends were awesome. </p><p> </p><p>But oh, so tiring. You yawn again. </p><p> </p><p>You collapse in your bed. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Next thing you know, its 4:00 in the morning and your alarm is yelling at you. You peel out from the bed and groan.</p><p> </p><p>You wanna switch things up just a little today, so you decide to go out and check the woods before other things. The animals can wait a little longer. </p><p> </p><p>So you walk in the woods, listening to the birds like usual. Wild’s on the discord call today, too, listening to the animals with you. </p><p> </p><p>And--</p><p> </p><p>There’s prints, in the mud. Four-toed, with little points at the tips for claws. A lot of them, too. <em> Fuck.  </em></p><p>And then. You hear the barking. Close, loud, deep, snarly. Oh, s<em> hit.  </em></p><p> </p><p><em> " </em>oh shit." Wild mutters. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so bad things happen when you play video games, apparently. </p><p>:)</p><p>yeah i couldnt wait any longer and i want you to suffer. have fun kids. </p><p>&lt;3</p><p>EDIT:: quickly finished a lil mistake i made during the gamin' part u.u thank u</p><p> </p><p>BY THE WAY!!! I have chickens and ducks of my own, and some (chickens. ducks don't do this. but ducks DO lay eggs often and their eggs do have a faint swirl-pattern on them due to their... internal duck parts) actually do naturally lay colorful eggs!!! Breeds that do this are called "easter eggers"or "olive eggers" and so on and so forth as an umbrella-esque term depending on the green or blue pigment of the egg's shell.  thought y'all might enjoy that lil tidbit :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. TO THE RESCUE!! DUN-DUN-DA-DUN!!!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You're saved!! and, also, you're an oblivious dork &lt;3 lotsa oblivious floofiness in this.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i broke this chapter in two bc it's a chonker. i'll post the second half in the morning, once i finish it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>You whirled around, hair slapping your face, looking for where the growling was coming from. It was near, very, so close. But it wasn’t your dogs, no. not the sharp bark of Chompy, not the deep, majestic bark of Flicker. No. This bark was different but familiar. It was any normal dog’s, but more wild, more aggressive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You whirled around and caught a glimpse of grey-brown trotting through the naked trees. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a snarl. You kept looking around, trying to see, specifically, a face. Eyes. A nose. Ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then there it is, the fucker. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In truth, the canine is beautiful. It’s got smart, watchful eyes, a silver-orange in the light, with little black circles for pupils that would be cute, if not for the fangs and the pinned-back ears. Coyotes were adorable, yeah, but they’re feisty bastards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Super feisty bastards.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You could die here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one would know. Well. Except Wild. He’d see the whole thing. Poor guy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The canine was smaller than Flicker, for sure, but still toned with pure muscle. His ears are wide and tall, flat like plates against their head and oh, those pearly whites. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sharp. Bright. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gnashing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ballsy fuck. You know there’s more than one, there has to be. No singular coyote challenges a human on their own like this, not even a hungry one. Plus, if the paw prints were anything to go by? Definitely more than one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” you said to the barking canine, “where’s ya friends?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You looked around, trying to see the other animal but, they’re either hiding really well, or hanging back. Keeping eyes on the one you could see, you began edging back, glancing about for the other one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You maintained the most intense eye contact of your life, more intense then when you stared down an asshole kid who tried to take your apple juice at the elementary school playground. This was probably slightly more dire than the wellbeing of your apple juice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  You didn’t want to lean down and grab yourself a stick, as that would be an opportunity for the coyotes to pounce, so you just kept edging, edging, edging, pacing back one step at a time, arms out to your sides in a defensive stance. Hah. You could handle some wild animals, but not a skeleton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You turned and oh. There’s the other coyote. Its nearly the same size as the other one, maybe a little fluffier, a bit lighter in the gait. It pads around you in wide, broad circles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was that all there was? Only two? Probably not but, oh, how you could hope. You backed up, watching your footing with critical precision. The last thing you wanted to do was fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wild? Do you know how to fight off coyotes?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> love your input, here, hon.” you mention, trying not to be snippy with him. But, fuck, would this be a nice time for him to talk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...yes. … but no.. do you… do you know your… neighbor’s phone number…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neighbors phone number? Uh, yeah, but you had never contacted them before. It was probably miles deep in your contact list. Why’d you need them? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think so? Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...good… try to get to your house..” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are not being very helpful right now, Wild.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...sorry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Its alright, bud.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was kind of funny, how you were having a conversation while being threatened by wild animals. You kept backing up, though, trying to do what Wild said and get to your house. Oh, how you wished you could run. But, alas, you do not wish to become dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You shot a glance behind you, trying to see how close you were to the house. And, thankfully, you were! It’d still take a bit to scoot there but, thank goodness you’re close, right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While you’re looking back, you notice something that hadn’t been there before. Another print in the mud. Four-toed, with little dots where the claws met the surface. Had that been there before? Sure hope not. Last thing you need right now is another--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dammit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You see another coyote in your peripheral vision, joining it’s circling friend. These things were smart. The newcomer is smaller, younger than it’s companions, but that makes it all the more dangerous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Damn dogs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking back isn’t really an option anymore, as the coyotes surrounded you and cut off any escape routes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...call your neighbors.” rumbles Wild. his voice nearly startles you, with how suddenly he speaks, but you’re careful to not show it around these animals. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll havta get off this call.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...that’s alright...just call them.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sigh. You had better not die.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Giving your friend a possibly-final goodbye, you head off the discord call and go digging through your contacts. You’re scrolling, scrolling, and there! Here it is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You remember getting their number. When you moved into this place, you left your number on the neighbor’s doors, even if they lived like, a ton of miles away, so that they could call if they needed anything. You got both of their numbers in return, though you had never met either neighbor in person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You press the call button under their name. It rings and-- oh. That was quick. Halfway through the ring,  they answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yellow?” they ask quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was when you realized…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What were you gonna say?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um. yeah. Uh. hi. Sorry for calling so early in the morning. This is your neighbor? Uh. im kinda being like,,, attacked by coyotes? Well. not attacked. But they want to eat me. Can you help?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They cough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yeah, sure. which neighbor are ya?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You give him your address. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“okay. is it alright--” he inaudibly anger-whispers at someone else, “if i bring over my cousin?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhhhh…. Yeah I guess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“alright. be right there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… not to be rude but--” the first coyote stepped forward, snapping at the air, “uh, hurry?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“no problemo, kid. already on the road.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“mhm” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the other side, you hear the steady rattling of a car on gravel. Its… kind of awkward. You don’t know if you should hang up or not. You hear them yawn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe.. You should start up a conversation? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The coyote barks suddenly and makes you squeak into the phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you alright, kiddo?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Coyotes are just rude. “ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You turn in a circle, pacing, keeping an eye on all the canines, trying to not give them a chance to eat you. You’d rather not be eaten today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You let a little bit of time pass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You close?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“like five minutes out, i’d say.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...cricket chirp…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So uh… how’s your day been?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“alright so far. this is the earliest i’ve been awake in… years.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The coyotes behind you try to close in, making the circle they’re making around you smaller.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You here yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yeah. think so. where you at?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“uhhhh... woods. Follow the paths?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to the back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hear the slam of a car door, both across the phone and from in front of your house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trying to look at the house is hard, especially when you don’t wish to get murdered by coyotes. But, still, when you have a chance, you glance at the back of the house, looking to see if anyone was there and-- oh! There! A smallish blue thing and a slightly bigger blue thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You raise your arm over your head, hoping they see you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Over here!” you call, frowning behind you at the snarling coyotes, who didn’t seem to notice they were probably gonna get their asses kicked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And holy sHit was that little blue thing fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like. Really fast. Made a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>nyoom </span>
  </em>
  <span>noise when they ran. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“GO!” they shouted, waving their arms at the canines, “BAD DOGS!! WE DON’T ATTACK PEOPLE!!! THAT’S RUDE!!!!!!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Confused, the two circling coyotes yipped and bounced to their more stationary partner, turning to quirk their heads at the oncoming missile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“BAD, BAD COYOTES!” the cyan-colored thing hollered, skidding to a stop about a yard to your left, pointing at the animals. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You glanced at them, then at the coyotes, then the other blue thing, who was shuffling, slowly, through the leaves and towards you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that they were closer, you could see they were both… skeletons? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, dear, just how many skeletons lived near you, if there were more of them? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“COYOTES, YOU WILL LEAVE THIS PLACE NOW, OR THERE SHALL BE CONSEQUENCES!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Consequences? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smaller skeleton approached the coyotes step-by-step, his hands now placed on his hips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, hey, apparently the skeleton’s heavy approach to getting the coyotes to leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>worked? </span>
  </em>
  <span>With final yelps, barks, and snarls, they bounded away, kicking up leaves and sticks into the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cyan skeleton whipped around, facing the slightly-darker blue skeleton. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“SANS!” He shouted, “GO FOLLOW THOSE COYOTES AND MAKE SURE THEY DON'T CONTINUE THEIR RUDENESS!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think they’re gone, though?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HM. MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT… WE SHALL CHECK AFTER WE MAKE SURE THIS MADIEN IS ALRIGHT!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little skeleton turned and, with bright, shiny eyelights that were so unlike the scary skeletons, smiled at you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HELLO!! ARE YOU OKAY? THE COYOTES DIDN’T HURT YOU DID THEY? I’LL HAVE TO HAVE A TALK WITH THEM IF THEY DID.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You giggled, just a little bit. You were spinning from how quickly the little one got the coyotes to go. Why hadn’t you tried to scare them off??</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, uh, no, I’m fine. They just scared me a bit. Thank goodness for you, though. Mighta been eaten if y’all hadn’t come over. Thank you for that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The skeleton’s eyelights brightened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OF COURSE!! I WOULD NEVER LET SOMEONE IN NEED BE EATEN BY MEAN DOGS!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“very kind of you, there, Blue.” nodded the other skeleton. Sans? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue’s (?) eyes shone brightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, how cute. You wanted to pinch his cheekbones. Give his loud little self hugs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Hey. I know it’s early but would you like to come in for some tea? My treat, a thanks, for rescuing me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“!!!!!!!!! REALLY! THANK YOU! I’D LOVE TO HAVE TEA!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You smiled. Yknow, he kinda reminded you of Lil Blu. Which was ironic, because this guy’s name was also Blue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great! How about you-- uh, Sans? Am I saying that right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller skeleton nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yup. sans. sans the skeleton.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great, uh, you wanna come in too? I got uh. Tea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about ketchup?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...k… ketchup?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yeah. th’ condiment.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm. Yeah, I got ketchup.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“great.” he says, lazy grin spreading across his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You step back, turning slowly on your heel, and begin to pad to the house, gesturing for the skeletons to follow. Blue seems to be getting distracted by random flowers, and so Sans taps his lil skull and gets him back on track. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you get to the house, you turn and face the skeletons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright!” you exclaim, clapping your hands together, as if you were a teacher on a field trip, “I’ve got two doggos. One is smol and feisty and the other is big and kinda scary. But don't be scared! They’re sweethearts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I LOVE DOGS!!!” Squealed Blue, while Sans simply nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“got it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You step up the porch and peel open the door, glancing around for the creatures. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mon in. They haven’t seen us yet.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was skittering on the hardwood floors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind. Hurry, hurry--” you squealed, ushering in the skeletons, though, Sans didn’t move much faster than he had been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You followed behind the others, and saw Chompy jumping up on Blue’s legs, scrambling and bouncing and </span>
  <em>
    <span>demanding attention. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Meanwhile, Flicker stood at a distance, Charlotte between her front paws, studying the newcomers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What interested you, though, was how Blue was looking at your animals. He glanced at the dogs and kitten with wide-</span>
  <em>
    <span>wide</span>
  </em>
  <span> eye sockets, then looked at Sans, who shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Everything alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-YEP!! EVERYTHING'S A-OKAY!! JUST AMAZED BY HOW CUTE THIS DOG IS!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chompy barked and </span>
  <em>
    <span>demanded</span>
  </em>
  <span> attention some more, growling very slightly because what the heck why am i not getting pats &gt;:0</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“uhhhhhhhhh…” you cough, “okay.. um. I’ll make some tea and get you your ketchup, Sans.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You padded into the kitchen then, seeing the skeletons were still standing, stuck your head back in and told them to sit. While waiting for the water to warm, you decided to text Wild, tell him you’re okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yo</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Im alive. Neighbors got here just in time n.n</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: but i invited them in right? And one asks for ketchup?? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: …</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Neighbors are weird. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ikr</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: but hey at least im alive right</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: That's always good.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beside you, the kettle begins to whistle, it’s sound piercing the air and lowkey scaring you, since you were paying more attention to Wild than anything else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pour the water into the mug, dancing the teabag around, and squeezing a teeny bit of lemon into it. From the fridge, you take the bottle of ketchup, and stick it into the pocket of your sweatpants for easy transportation. You take the tea to Blue, as well as the little sugar container, in case he liked his sweet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Careful,” you warn, as he takes the mug in his phalanges, “it’s hot.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THANK YOU!!” He squeals, blowing on the warm liquid. To Sans, you toss the bottle, hoping he has decent reflexes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re… okay. He attempts to catch the red container, but fumbles and drops it into his lap. Flicker, at the sight of the ketchup bottle, trots over, nails clicking slightly on the hardwood, and sticking her head into Sans’ lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at your dog. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She thinks you have hotdogs or something. Because of the ketchup,” you point out, smiling slightly. Flicker sniffs loudly at the skeleton’s hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“sorry, pup. you’re one of the only ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>dogs </span>
  </em>
  <span>here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flicker stomped her paws. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“aw, quit </span>
  <em>
    <span>hounding </span>
  </em>
  <span>me. I don't have any food for ya.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue glared at Sans. He took a… sip…. of his ketchup… and grinned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“fur-give me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huh? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>OH! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was making </span>
  <em>
    <span>puns</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dog puns. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You giggled at your realization. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so wrong with puns, Blue? They’re paw-some.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That got a snicker from Sans. Y’know. He reminded you of Comedy. They both liked puns. That was funny, huh? How there was someone similar to both Lil Blu and Comedy as your neighbors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So. uh. How long have y’all been living around here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Man, you’re trash at actual conversation. Like. Actual trash. This is why you preferred texting and calling to physical talking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Errr..” Sans counted on his phalanges, the fabric of his hoodie rustling, “round seven years, maybe? nearly the entire time monsters have been on the surface.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You nod, with a little smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“that’s nice! You’ve been here longer than me. I’ve only been around, oh, five, six years? My grandmother lived here long before me, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“huh. that so? think this is the first time i even step foot on this property.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Well. I guess that makes sense. Grannie was quite the recluse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A RECLUSE? I KNOW SOMEONE LIKE THAT!!” Blue exclaims, “THOUGH, I DON’T THINK I COULD STAND IT! I LOVE BEING AROUND PEOPLE!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hah, I bet you do, bud-- Awh, fuck. Guys, I’m so sorry. I’ve got chores to do. The goats are gonna be </span>
  <em>
    <span>pissed </span>
  </em>
  <span>at me if I don’t get out there now. Uh, y’all can stay here, if you want, finish your drinks. I just gotta do this now if i want any chance of getting the day back on track again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“CHORES? I CAN HELP!!” Blue squeals, his eyelights.. stars? He looks more excited than you’d ever be for manual labor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um. You sure? T’day’s chores are pretty nasty. I’ve got to clean out the horse stalls.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“PERFECTLY SURE!! PLUS, YOU MIGHT NEED SOME HELP, WHAT WITH HOW YOUR MORNING HAS BEEN!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Uh. Okay. Sans, do you wanna help?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“nah. I’m good. Just gonna sit here and </span>
  <em>
    <span>relish</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he raises his ketchup bottle, “my drink.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pfft. Well, alright then. I guess we’ll see you in a bit. Just a fair warning, though, we’ll be gone a while.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE’LL PROBABLY FALL ASLEEP BY THE TIME WE RETURN, THEN!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it is kinda early. But hey, let’s not waste any more time, yeah?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“RIGHT!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You call for your dogs to follow, letting them scamper ahead of you, Chompy whirling underfoot and Flicker nearly crashing into Blue in her hurry to follow her companion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“FLICKER SURE IS A BIG DOG!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hm. Had you remembered to tell him her name? He must have seen it on her collar. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She’s some kinda Saluki mix. I’m saying Pharaoh Hound, because of her ears, but I dunno. I just call her a mutt.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’VE HEARD MUTTS ARE GREAT DOGS!” he announces. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. From my experience, anyways. Not saying Chompy isn’t great, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You glanced at the corgi, who was rolling around in the crunchy leaves, the much larger dog prancing around her, barking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She sure is… something else, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THAT’S WHAT’S GREAT ABOUT DOGS!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have a dog, Blue?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NO, BUT I DO HAVE A PET ROCK!! HE’S ALMOST AS GREAT AS A DOG!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That makes you laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course he’d have a pet rock. It sure sounds like something he’d have, rather than an actual animal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you both reach the chicken area, you reach into the shed for a scoop of food, gathering a few dried mealworms in your hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Blue, wanna give the birds a treat?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A TREAT?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Mealworms! They’re a good source of protein and fat, which is good for the colder months of the year. Here, hold out your hands.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He does, and you place the crunchy worms into the skeleton’s outstretched hands, watching a look of half-disgust half-awe spread across his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THEY’RE REALLY GROSS LOOKING!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, they are, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pad to the coop door, gesturing for Blue to get behind you, so he doesn’t get murdered by flapping wings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And flap they do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The chickens come barreling out of the coop, bawking and clucking loudly. You throw their normal feed on the ground, letting them peck it up. After a minute, you pick up one of the smaller chickens, a bantam, and bring the small bird over to Blue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is Rex. He’s a bantam rooster, and a sweetheart. Why don’t you offer him some of those worms? Palm flat.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue does as you say, offering his open palm to the small rooster, who eagerly pecks up the worms, clucking happily, breaking up the bugs by hitting them on the bony palm of the skeleton so that he can actually monch them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“WHAT’S THAT NOISE HE’S MAKING?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s his happy noise! Bantams are very vocal, especially the roosters. He’s also tidbitting a little, too, to show his girlfriends that he has something nice! Here, I’ll put him down so he can get in his brownie points with the hens.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You place the chicken down, who stamps his little feet and looks around, a worm held carefully in his beak, clucking as loud as he can to show the girls </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow look at this food isn’t it great do you love me now?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE’S SO KIND AND CHIVALROUS!! WHAT A GENTLEMAN!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You giggle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He really is, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE’S JUST LIKE ME!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE’S A GENTLEMAN, EVEN THOUGH HE’S SMALL! AND, EVERYONE LOVES HIM! SEE?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He points and, around the teeny rooster, there’s a few hens, who are pecking up the worms that he gave them. He’s showing off his wings, trying to get the ladies to find him pretty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup, just like you. But, hey, we gotta get goin, before they get tired of the food they have and start demanding more.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a smile, you usher Blue out of the chicken run, towards the goat and sheep pasture. The dogs run ahead of you, frolicing and tumbling over each other. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>cut it in half bc i didn't want it to be too long! next half in a bit. </p><p>Btw. you are the most oblivious human ever. the most oblivious. lowkey, and not to be rude, ur a moron. but i love u.</p><p>Also! I did research and some doodling, and decided on heights and such for the bois. at least, Sans and Blue. And the doggos lolol.<br/>Flicker is 23 inches tall, from her front paw to her shoulder (as i mentioned, she's a Saluki/Pharaoh/??? hound mix, so that's y she's a tol bb). Chompy is 9 inches from her front paw to her shoulder (she's a corg so she's short nugg u.u). Blue (underswap sans) is 4'9, and Sans (vanilla) is 5'5. </p><p>also!!!! Bantams. they're the best. I have three, Bendy (aka Airbender bc when he was a bb he had a stripe on his head like Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender), Chips, and Salsa. none of them weigh over a pound bc they're so smol and i love em to death u.u they're my bbs.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Put Him To Work!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You put Blue to work!! Nice and soft obliviousness! But, if you're uncomfortable with goat milking, look away. bc that happens. also look away if ur uncomfortable with the word 'teats' and whatnot.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ee. Still oblivious, still a moron. Stretch is finna have a conniption fit uhuehuehue</p><p>also, for those who are unfamiliar with dairy animals: A milk-producing goat/cow/sheep must give birth in order to begin producing milk. when the animal gives birth, you milk her and she will produce milk for as long as you milk her. </p><p>Heifer: Female Cow who has not yet borne a calf.<br/>Doe: Mature female goat. also known as a 'nanny'<br/>Ewe: mature female sheep.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You had your hand placed on Blue’s shoulder, guiding him towards the goat and sheep pasture, describing what breeds they were, why you had so many, and other random questions he had about the hooved mammals. As you walk, you watch Flicker and Chompy play, bouncing and yipping playfully at each other. You shook your head at their antics, calling for them to calm down and follow you. </p><p> </p><p>“SO YOU USE THEM FOR MILK?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Well. The goats, not the sheep. The sheep are for wool. But, the goats, yeah. They’re for milk. Each of them has had a baby, and I’ve milked ‘em every day so that they keep their milk flow.” </p><p> </p><p>“ARE THERE ANY BABIES NOW??” </p><p> </p><p>His eyelights are huge stars, wobbling at the thought of little baby goats. You giggle at this, and shake your head, fiddling with the gate latch since for some reason, it didn;t want to open lately. </p><p> </p><p>“No, no babies. The kids-- that’s what baby goats are called, by the way-- have grown and been sold. I would love to keep ‘em, but that’s just too many goats.” </p><p> </p><p>“AWHH…” Blue pouts, but he brightens at the sight of the current goats, who are huffing at you being late <em> again. </em> Flicker and Chompy pad beside you, tongues lolling out of their mouths while they pant, dopey grins on their faces. </p><p> </p><p>“Y’see that one, with the pink bell around her neck? Yeah, that’s Bella. She’s the head honcho, here. The boss. She runs the place. Anything she says goes.” </p><p> </p><p>“I KNOW SOMEONE LIKE THAT, TOO!!” </p><p> </p><p>“Really, now?” </p><p> </p><p>“YEAH! BUT, HE’S KINDA MEAN.. BELLA’S NOT MEAN, IS SHE?” </p><p> </p><p>“Hah, no, she’s pretty nice. Unless you start messing with the herd. Then she’s feisty.” </p><p> </p><p>“OH, WELL, I UNDERSTAND THAT! ARE WE GOING TO MILK THEM NOW?” </p><p> </p><p>“Uh huh! You wanna help?” </p><p> </p><p>“UH.. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MILK A GOAT.. OR ANY ANIMAL.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can show you! It’s not hard. C’mon, Bella will show you where everything’s done.” </p><p> </p><p>You both follow the chunky white goat, who turns her head and bleats at you when you walk a little too slowly for her tastes. She jumps onto the milking stand a little less than gracefully, but still makes it up. You tell Blue to sit on the milk crate, and hand him the wipes. </p><p> </p><p>“Use those to wipe her udder. Be gentle.” </p><p> </p><p>Cautiously, he brings the antibacterial wipe to the goats udder, touching it almost too gently to the pink skin, rubbing it over the teats slowly. </p><p> </p><p>“No need to be so scared. She won't hurt you.” </p><p> </p><p>He nods and rubs the pink skin a little more, until you say it’s good and he can stop. </p><p> </p><p>“Now,” you slide the metal bucket under the goat, “ya take one of them dangly things in ya fingers, real nice like, but not too nice- Still gotta have a grip on them- and give them a little pull, like this, into the bucket.” </p><p> </p><p>You show him the movement, the milk spurting into the silvery bucket. </p><p> </p><p>“WOAH!” Blue exclaims, doing nearly the same thing you did, but Bella stomped her rear hoof, bleating a little grumpily. </p><p> </p><p>You take the teat in your fingers again, showing him again how to milk a goat. </p><p> </p><p>He tries again and, this time, Bella deems it adequate, giving a simple huff. He looks up at you, smiling so brightly you nearly go blind. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, that’s it!” </p><p> </p><p>“WOWIE!” He beams.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, I might just put you to work if you’re so excited about some manual labor.” </p><p> </p><p>“WORK? OH, I HAVE A JOB WITH THE ROYAL GUARD! OR. WELL. I’M GOING TO! MOST OF MY TIME GOES TO TRAINING, SO ALAS, I CANNOT WORK HERE.”</p><p> </p><p> “Pfft,” you giggle. Man, he was exactly like Lil Blu, “Darn. Oh well. Guess i’ll just be alone.” </p><p> </p><p>“!! YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE!!! I CAN STILL HELP SOMETIMES!” </p><p> </p><p>“That was a joke, bud. But thanks.” you pat the little guy’s skull, trying to keep yourself from petting him so often. He’s just so damned adorable!</p><p> </p><p>He keeps milking the goat, eventually getting the hang of it, though he does complain about his phalanges getting sore. </p><p> </p><p>After he finished with Bella, you showed him how to guide the goats, placing a hand on their shoulders and walking. It was simple enough he got it on the first try! But, instead of having him milk again, you took the place on the milk carton, placing a new bucket underneath the new goat. </p><p> </p><p>You talked to Blue about random things while you milked, and each thing he said reminded you more and more of Lil Blu. </p><p> </p><p>“Have any siblings, Blue?” </p><p> </p><p>“I HAVE A BROTHER!! HE’S PRETTY LAZY… BUT HE’S ALMOST AS COOL AS ME!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool as you? Man. That’s a pretty high bar to hit.” </p><p> </p><p>“MHM! WHAT ABOUT YOU?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I’m an only child. My parents put all their time into me and didn’t want another kiddo anyways.” </p><p> </p><p>“WEREN'T YOU LONELY GROWING UP?? I CAN’T IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT MY BROTHER!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah. I had some good friends by my side the whole time,” You smiled, standing up from the crate and picking up the buckets, “Let’s get these buckets inside, then we’ll get started on the honses.” </p><p> </p><p>“RIGHT!!” Announced the short skeleton, taking one of the buckets from your hands, and standing with his little chest puffed out.</p><p> </p><p>Pfft. dork. </p><p> </p><p>You both brought the buckets to the house, calling over your shoulder for the dogs to follow. They scamper ahead, almost knocking you both over with their ridiculousness. </p><p> </p><p>You step in the house and are greeted by Sans snoring on the couch, ketchup smeared across his cheekbone and his skull laid back, a snore coming from his open mandible. How could he so easily sleep in a stranger’s house? You could hardly sleep in this place when you first got it, let alone in a house that wasn’t even <em> yours </em>. </p><p> </p><p>But, with a chuckle, you pad into the kitchen, placing the buckets into the fridge. </p><p> </p><p>“Later, I’m gonna drain ‘em and put them in jars. But now, we have other things to do.” </p><p> </p><p>“RIGHT!! TO THE HORSIES!” </p><p> </p><p>“Shshshshhhshsh Blue shh Sans is sleepin’” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Right! I Shall Whisper!” </p><p> </p><p>Well. That wasn’t really a whisper but.. It works?</p><p> </p><p>“He Sleeps More Than My Brother! He's A Big Lazybones! But… It Is Pretty Early!” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I guess it would be to you guys.” </p><p> </p><p>“Usually, The Earliest He’s Up Is Noon!” </p><p> </p><p>Sans was even more like Comedy than you thought!</p><p> </p><p>“Noon? Well, then, I guess right now he’s <em> bone </em>tired, since he woke up so early” </p><p> </p><p>“Ah! That Was Terrible!” </p><p> </p><p>You grin. </p><p> </p><p>When walking back out the door, you catch a glimpse of something orange and black on the snoring skeleton’s lap. Charlotte is bundled up like a tiny cinnamon bun, purring and kneading at the skeleton’s puffy hoodie, tiny claws pricking at the fabric. Flicker had taken up the space on the couch next to the skeleton, her chin on his knee, keeping a close eye on the tiny puffball. </p><p> </p><p>You make a little coo noise, reaching over and giving your kitten a boop on the nose, and a pat to the doggo’s head. </p><p> </p><p>“C’mon Blue. We should let these dorks sleep, huh?” </p><p> </p><p>You urged him out of the back door, pushing his back very slightly to get him to walk where you needed him to. </p><p> </p><p>Blue was a fast little thing. You had to speed-walk to keep up with him, and, even though he didn’t know where he was going, he still walked like he did. You had to readjust his course several times. </p><p> </p><p>“WHAT KIND OF COWS ARE THOSE? THEY’RE CHUNKY!” He asked when you approached the cattle fence. </p><p> </p><p>“Those? Those are Angus heifers.” </p><p> </p><p>You didn’t have the heart to tell him they’re beef cattle to be turned into burgers and steaks. </p><p> </p><p>“Woah woah hey hey hey, hey, don’t touch the fence. It’ll shock you.” </p><p> </p><p>He drew his hands back, pouting a little, but shook it off. He placed his hands on his hips and watched the cows grazing in the field. One raised her head and <em> mooooo’d </em>loudly, making Blue squeal excitedly.</p><p> </p><p>“SHE SPOKE TO ME!” </p><p> </p><p>Pfftt</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. She said that we better get to work!” </p><p> </p><p>“YEA, YOU’RE RIGHT, MADAM COW!! TO WORK WE GO!! THANK YOU!” </p><p> </p><p>“So kind,” you nod, and waddle on over to the horses’ house. </p><p> </p><p>You introduced him to both the horses, having to heft him up a little so he can pat them. He was only a little shorter than you, but you understood the struggle. </p><p> </p><p>“Make sure to keep your hand flat when it’s around her mouth. We don’t want her to chomp ya phalange off.” </p><p> </p><p>“CHOMP MY PHALANGE OFF?” </p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. Horses are chaotic creatures, bud.” </p><p> </p><p>You put the little skeleton down, brushing off your straining shoulders. For someone who seemed to be made of only bone, he sure was heavy. </p><p> </p><p>You lead the horses out, standing and watching the pair frolic and scamper about, trotting and bouncing around next to each other. Blue, for some reason, found this really really entertaining, repeating ‘WOWIE!!’ over and over and over and pointing at them like the dork that he seems to be. Goodness, how he reminds you of Lil Blu. </p><p> </p><p>Grabbing a large shovel from one of the empty stalls, you toss it over to the small skeleton, and grab another for yourself. The handle of the tool is nearly taller than he is, and is kind of clumsy in his hands. </p><p> </p><p>“Yer gonna get dirty, bud. Last chance to step away,” you warn, taking note of the outfit he wears, which seemed to be meticulously cleaned. And his boots. Well. Yeah, they’re cowboy boots, but they’re not working boots. They’re blue! </p><p> </p><p>“I CAN CLEAN WHEN I GET HOME! IT’S ALRIGHT!! AND, BESIDES, HARD WORK IS DIRTY WORK!!” </p><p> </p><p>“Can’t argue with you there, buddy,” you smile, patting the little guy on the shoulder. You couldn’t resist the need to give him pats! He’s just so adorable! </p><p> </p><p>You step out and pull the wheelbarrow from the side of the building, tugging it over to the front of Apple’s stall. You sigh and tap your shovel on the ground, the other hand resting atop your hip. Welp. Time to get to work, huh? </p><p> </p><p>Work never ended around here.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>--blblblblblblbl timeskip bc you don’t want to read about the shoveling of shit &lt;3--</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> Tired and sore, you both returned to the house. Your elbows and shoulders hurt, your back throbbing with being hunched over for so long. Somehow though, Blue seemed to be perfectly okay, grinning and standing straight, rambling on about how you guys are such a great team!! So productive!!</p><p> </p><p>When you peel off your mud boots, you sigh, happy to get the uncomfortable shoes off your feet. Man, all you wanted to do is sit dowwwnnnn.</p><p> </p><p>But, the sight you were introduced to was not that of relaxation. Sans had his phone up to where his ear would be, whispering into the device kinda loudly, but still in a whisper. </p><p> </p><p>“dude, blue is fine. she’s a sweetheart. i don’t think she could hurt a fly-- look, man, he’s right here.” </p><p> </p><p>Sans looks towards Blue, offering the phone to him, glancing and giving you an apologetic look. You raised your hands and smiled, assuring him it was alright. </p><p> </p><p>“it’s ya brother,” he tells Blue, “he’s worried about ya.” </p><p> </p><p>“OH, NO! I FORGOT TO TELL HIM I WAS LEAVING THE HOUSE!” </p><p> </p><p>The little skeleton picked up the electronic device, placing it near his earhole. </p><p> </p><p>“uh- by the way,” he faced you again, “i found your wifi thing and got the password. that okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Um. Yeah, that’s fine. Not a problem,” you pause, shooting a glance at Blue, who was chattering on the phone, assuring whoever was on the other line that he was fine, “What’s wrong?” </p><p> </p><p>“oh, that. that’s blue’s brother. he’s protective, and doesn’t like it when the kids away from him. nothing you did, pal.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Uh. Sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>The skeleton shrugs. </p><p> </p><p>“naw, it’s fine,” </p><p> </p><p>You glance at Blue, who’s now on a <em> completely different </em> subject. </p><p> </p><p>“HEY, DID YOU KNOW THAT GOATS FROM DIFFERENT COUNTRIES HAVE DIFFERENT ACCENTS??” </p><p> </p><p>“How’d they get on that topic?” </p><p> </p><p>“no idea. kid moves a mile a minute.” </p><p> </p><p>You nod in understanding, then glance back at Sans with a mischievous grin. </p><p> </p><p>“How was your nap?” </p><p> </p><p>“uh.” he coughs into his fist, “it was good. charlotte’s a sweet little thing. but her claws are sharp.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hah. Yeah. She didn’t hurt you, did she?” </p><p> </p><p>“did a number on my hoodie, but otherwise, we’re all good in the <em> hood </em>.” </p><p> </p><p>You snicker as he fluffs the hood of his blue jacket. </p><p> </p><p>“AWH, I DON’T WANNA GO HOME!” </p><p> </p><p>You glance back over to Blue, who was pouting into the phone, stamping his little boots-oh-so-slightly. </p><p> </p><p>“your brother’s right, though, blue. we’ve been out awhile. and besides, it’s your turn to make dinner, remember?” </p><p> </p><p>Blue’s eyes brighten with a tiny flaming passion. </p><p> </p><p>“YOU’RE RIGHT!! I HAVE TO GET STARTED!! DINNER WON’T MAKE ITSELF!!!” </p><p> </p><p>The skeleton marches on over to you, hands spread out to the side, offering you a hug. With a smile, you wrap your arms around the little guy, scuffling the crown of his skull. You glance at Sans, who had peeled himself up off the couch and was making Charlotte… dance? </p><p> </p><p>He was kneeling in front of the couch and had the cat under her cat armpits, bouncing her up and down in a nice way, making her do a little jig. When Blue pulled away, he cocked his hips and placed his hands on them. </p><p> </p><p>“SANS! WE MUST GO! STOP DANCING THE CAT!!” </p><p> </p><p>“but she’s cute.” </p><p> </p><p>Blue frowned. </p><p> </p><p>“fine, fine, i’m comin’” </p><p> </p><p>Placing the kitten back down, Sans stood, groaning, his bones creaking slightly. He grinned lazily at you. You decided that standing there was not how a host should send off guests, so you approached the skeleton and offered him your hand in a handshake. He didn’t seem like much of a hugger to you, for some reason? </p><p> </p><p>He took your hand, and you saw a little look in his eye sockets. Wonder what that was about? </p><p> </p><p>But an idea flashed in your mind. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Blue, lemme get your number, so we can chat sometime!” </p><p> </p><p>“MY NUMBER?” The skeleton squealed, “OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE MY NUMBER!!” </p><p> </p><p>And, with that, you handed the little guy your phone, so that he could put his number in your contacts, his little phalanges tapping along the screen. He handed you back the device with <em> literal fucking stars in his eye sockets. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You are about to have a conniption fit because this smol bb is so cute. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>You guide the pair to the front door with a genuinely happy smile on your face, not just a host smile, and then realize they haven't actually gone through the front door yet. For some reason, you felt that was a little weird. </p><p> </p><p>“So, uh, hey, seeya around?” you offered to the two, raising your eyebrows in a ‘ya never know’ gesture. </p><p> </p><p>“OF COURSE,” shouted Blue, grabbing your hands in his, “I SHALL SEE YOU AGAIN, SOMETIME SOON, FAIR MAIDEN!!” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll look forward to it, your majesty.” </p><p> </p><p>Taking your hands gently from his, you gave a slight, playful bow. His eyelights once again shining bright stars as you did. </p><p> </p><p>“blue, hurry up, the car gets terrible gas mileage,” Called Sans from his place in the little black Civic, patting the dashboard. </p><p> </p><p>“I’M COMINGGG” Complained the skeleton, who gave you one last smile before scampering over to the car, scrambling into the passenger seat and waving excessively. </p><p> </p><p>“BYE-BYE!!” He shouted, hardly muffled by being enclosed within the vehicle. </p><p> </p><p>You waved, watching them pull away. </p><p> </p><p>When they got out of sight, you pulled out your phone, wandering back into the house and marching to your bathroom. You were a s t i n k y r a t, to put it simply, and you needed a shower, but you shot Wild a quick pm first. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: brO. Im d y i ng. One of the neighbors that came over? 100% the most adorable thing ever. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Really? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: and get this. I got his fuckn number</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i havent gotten any new phone numbers in like a freaking year im so proud of myself. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Oh, damn. </b>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>was that an /oh no/ 'oh damn' or a "you go girl" 'oh damn'? Guess we'll find out! &gt;;3</p><p>also:</p><p>Hey, you, make a decision for me! Alt Punk Asshole Non-Binary or Soft Pastel Goth Non-binary who just wants a hug? I have a story (for a dif story! Not this one;;) idea and i cant make a decisionnnnsjfhaksjdfhjasdf;sdf so im making this your choice &lt;3</p><p>HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BTW!!!! (or if u just dont do thanksgiving just have a nice day anyways u.u)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Oh Heck It's About To Go D O W N</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stretcc is angy &gt;:00</p><p>short one here but its ok u3u</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i enjoy the idea of overprotective brother Stretcc for this fic so thats what we're goin with tday &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>ALSO LOOK AT THIS!!! A NEW STORY OF MINE!!! **shameless self-promo noises**</p><p>It's like a dnd-esque world with our favorite skeleboies! Give it a look, pls? thnk u &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p><p>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749827/chapters/67924699 </p><p>ive got no idea how links work in ao3 so :///// im sowwy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Yall. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: have i had a *DAY*</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: So first i get threatened by coyotes</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: pls tell me this turns out well</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im getting there</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ok back to before Cherry so rudely interrupted</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: before i got eaten, the neighbors came over and saved me and get this</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: one of em was the absolute cutest thing ive ever seen in my entire life</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: REALLY? WOWIE! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ikr </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i got his # too. Im so happy with my life. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ur happy bcus of a fone number</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hell yeah</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i haven't gotten a new one in ages</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: weirdo</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: shut up nerd</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: BE NICE!! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im sorry;;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: you better be. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: lolol what's that supposed to mean</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: so how cute is this neighbor anyway</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: cant be cuter than me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im sure he can. Esp since i cant compare so</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: XP sux to b u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i can tell u jus need 2 describ them</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: lmao fine</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: so he was this cute lil skeleton rite</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: apparently i live around just a ton of skeletons bc the other neighbor was also a skele</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: a **skeleton**?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: short n cute. He was almost exactly like Lil Blu it was awesome</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: o.O</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yknow i thought pianoman would b a little more jelly of my awesome activities 2day</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: oh he’s jellus alrite</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: he and lil blu r talking about how jellus he is</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: why tho??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: he’s a weirdo idk</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: all of u guys r complete weirdos u cant talk cherry</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: sure i can</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no u cant</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: can</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: cant</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: can</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: cant</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: can’nt’nt</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: can’nt</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: Would You Both hush. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Huh? </p><p> </p><p>That was… different. </p><p> </p><p>Pianoman <em> never </em> texted like that...</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: PIANOMAN!! THAT’S RUDE! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: i can name other things that are rude. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: DON’T </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ???</b>
</p><p> </p><p>A message flashes in the chat, and you’re barely able to see that it’s from Pianoman before its gone, deleted by one of the mods. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: THAT STAYS OUT OF THE DISCORD AND YOU KNOW IT. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: whatever</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: DO NOT MAKE ME RETURN HOME AND CONFISCATE YOUR ELECTRONICS UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: im not a kid. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: YOUR ACTIONS SAY OTHERWISE.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: w,,, what's going on?????/??/?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: shits finna go down</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: oh no. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i agree</b>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>At the skeleton house OWO</b>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“why’d you take him to her <em> house, </em>” Stretch demanded, just as Sans and Blue stepped through the front door. Sans visibly sighed and ran a hand over the front of his skull, the cartilage scraping together. </p><p> </p><p>“because the girl was gettin' attacked by coyotes? i didn’t know how many there were or nuthin’ thought i might need backup” </p><p> </p><p>“PLUS I WANTED TO!” Blue added, pulling his mud-encrusted boots off, placing them onto the front porch to clean later. </p><p> </p><p>“you could have gotten hurt, blue!” Stretch exclaimed, tossing his hands into the air, “we know next t’ nothing about this chick!” </p><p> </p><p>“do you really think that Axe would tell us to go help this girl if she’d hurt any of us? D’ya think he’d even acknowledge her if she’d hurt us?” Sans countered. </p><p> </p><p>“he doesn’t know anything about her either!” </p><p> </p><p>“he sure knows more than any of us,” replied Sans, who drifted across the living room to collapse onto the couch, sinking into the cushions. </p><p> </p><p>“she’s a <em> human </em>,” snarled the orange-clad skeleton. It was rare he got this angry. Though, when he did, It was always about this same subject. </p><p> </p><p>“she’s said before that she’s entirely for monsters. hell, she’s done a whole lot for em, too, y’know this.” </p><p> </p><p>“all humans say that, sans,” Stretch grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>"with her, it's true. there's proof, too." </p><p> </p><p>In Stretch's khakis, his phone buzzed. With a growl, he whips the device out of his pocket, aggressively typing on the screen, phalanges tapping harder than would be necessary. </p><p> </p><p>Blue took out his own phone, looking at the Discord. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: cant</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: can’nt’nt</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: can’nt</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: Would You Both Hush. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“STRETCH! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR,” Blue shouted. </p><p> </p><p>“they were bein’ annoyin’ and blowin’ up my phone. perfectly called for.” </p><p> </p><p>“YOU COULD HAVE MUTED YOUR PHONE INSTEAD OF BEING PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE.” </p><p> </p><p>“didn’t feel like it.” </p><p> </p><p>Blue tossed his hands into the air, sighing in exasperation, stamping away. His brother was usually one of the more relaxed ones in the family, but he could be a <em> real pain in the coccyx. </em></p><p> </p><p>Stretch continued his aggressive typing, expression turning disgruntled as his message was deleted. Damn Edge, being the message police. He typed angrily some more, his bone brows knotting some more as Edge treated him like a.. </p><p> </p><p>A... babybones! He wasn’t acting like one, either. He was just being a good brother and looking out for his own. Who knows what could happen to an awesome guy like Blue in this cruel, cruel world? </p><p> </p><p>So many things, that’s what. </p><p> </p><p>And that’s why he had to protect his lil (as in shorter) bro. And, besides, even if he is being overprotective, that’s not a bad thing. Is it? </p><p> </p><p>No, it can’t be. Red didn’t protect his brother enough in their world and look how well <em> Edge </em>turned out.</p><p> </p><p>He really shouldn’t say that…</p><p> </p><p>They are the same skeleton at the center, after all. </p><p> </p><p>With a heavy huff, Stretch fell back onto the couch, tucking his hands behind his head and closing his eye sockets… maybe he should calm down a little... </p><p> </p><p>Then there were footsteps on the stairs, small and gentle. </p><p> </p><p>Stretch’s left eye socket peeled open. Axe? What’s he doing down here? At this time, anyways? He only ever came down at night, for dinner.</p><p> </p><p>Axe turned his gaze on Stretch, bloated eye light wobbling. It quickly flicked to the wall behind the lanky monster. He was never good at eye contact. </p><p> </p><p>“i get it…” the battered skeleton mutters, with a sigh, “wanting to protect... your brother…” </p><p> </p><p> A look passed over Axe’s skull, as he stared into space for a moment. Stretch shivered a little. It always weirded him out when Axe did that. </p><p> </p><p>“wanting to protect so bad… you’ll do anything…” </p><p> </p><p>Axe placed a hand atop his torn hoodie, above where his SOUL would be. </p><p> </p><p>“but….. you have to… let them exist… be who they are…..” </p><p> </p><p>“and how would <em> you </em>know about that?” questioned Stretch, hostility sinking into his rasping voice. Axe visibly tensed. </p><p> </p><p>After getting out of his hellhole of a universe, Axe disliked violence. </p><p> </p><p>“do you know how hard it was… to let sugar go?” </p><p> </p><p>“that was to <em> school. </em>it’s not the same.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s more… than you allow blue…” </p><p> </p><p>“it’s still different. sugar can take care of himself--” </p><p> </p><p>“blue can do the same…” Axe interrupted. That was… new. “and so… until you realize that…. I’d prefer you <em> not…. </em> talk to Tuna…. you need to learn to be nice.” </p><p> </p><p>Axe hadn’t realized that a hand had drifted to his dead socket. Huh. </p><p> </p><p>Stretch, on the other hand, seemed slightly taken aback by Axe’s command. The guy never told <em> anyone </em> to do <em> anything, </em> let alone not <em> talk </em>to an internet person! </p><p> </p><p>But that made Stretch grit his jaw and grind his teeth. </p><p> </p><p>“fine, “ the skeleton spat, peeling himself from his spot on the couch, shuffling to the door. He needed a smoke. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>0&lt;0 </p><p>i t s h a p p e n i n g </p><p>also!!! Look again!!! At my new story!!! *more self promo sounds*!! pllleeeeaaassseeeeee? &lt;3&lt;3 its a fun pseudo-medieval dnd world wit da skelebois and elves and druids and warlocks and barbarians and chaos and madness and love</p><p>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749827/chapters/67924699</p><p>still no idea how links work im so sorry rlly i am</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. It's Been Awhile, Since I Last Saw You.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Stretcc realizes he's a dick. Apologises to Blue. Plays Minecraf wit Tuna</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anyone get that title reference? no? just me? .c.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been days, a week, to be exact, since Pianoman had said anything in chat, and it was beginning to make you worried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had @’d him, shot him pms, hell, you spammed him with crying cat pictures.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What was wrong? Where was he? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hoped he was alright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why were you so worried about someone you had never seen before? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yall got any idea what’s going on w/ pianoman??? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: like he just disappeared</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: yeah he’s fine</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: just a big weenie</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: a weenie?/? Well thts not very nice. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: but it’s true</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i bet it’s not </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: pianomans not a weenie. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: how would u kno</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: bc </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: bc y</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: dont u have things 2 do</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: only thing i wanna do</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: is u </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ;p</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: gross</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im mourning the loss of my bff pianoman and ur still a horny bastard </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: hell yeah bb</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ur horrible</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: &lt;3 naughty is more like it </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even beside Red’s antics, you were worried. You didn’t understand being worried about, well, about someone who, in all honesty, seriousness, and bluntness, didn’t matter in your life, but still. He was your friend. Your pal. Your song-singin’-guitar-slingin’-voice-breakin’ buddy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, instead of moping over this guy, you decided to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do something </span>
  </em>
  <span>today. You had already cleaned the chicken coop, and so you wanted to ~relax~, do something, have fun. And, get your mind off of Pianoman. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, you hopped into a game of minecraft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You were in the same world that Red had built the huge dick in, and spawned right where you left off, in the middle of a birch forest, away from your little wooden hut. You decided that it was time to build yourself a house and, even though Pianoman wasn’t around, you had previously agreed to build a house near his, so that’s what you were going to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You hopped back towards your hut, the terrible sight of Red’s supposed own dick greeting you first. With a sigh, you ran into your hut and gathered all the clay you had, taking the cubes from the various chests within the building. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Previously to now, you had made the clay yellow, in hopes of replicating your house in the game. It was painstaking and time consuming, but Pianoman had helped you, gathering all the clay and yellow flowers he could find-- You huffed. This was not about him! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You frowned, and, fingers tapping on the keyboard, running ahead in the direction of Pianoman’s house. You could be near his house and not think too much about him, right? You could not worry for a second, right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Haha. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your little character scampered up to Pianoman’s house, which was resting on a plain biome, backing a forest with ample amounts of trees. Fancy. He had gone with a kinda log-cabin style house, which was overwhelmingly adorable, with excessive amounts of orange tulips in the garden area. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Y’know what? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was a challenge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t allowed to disappear for a week </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>have an adorable-ass house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You frowned, and invaded his house, leaving his door open just to spite him. You scooted through his house, ignoring how incredibly well decorated it was, and scampered into the bedroom. He had a single orange bed, and multiple chests. You looked through them and, finding nothing interesting but a random bucket of fish, and turned back to his bed. You plucked some wood and some wool from his chests and made yourself a new bed on his own crafting table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hah! Take that, nerd! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You place the bed down, adjacent to his, with a one-block space in between. You placed a sign over the bed you placed down and typed in the classic minecraft put-my-bed-next-to-yours  meme. You grinned. It wasn’t that funny but. Hey. You were just looking to mildly inconvenience him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Scampering out of his house, you saw- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>O shit its him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You see his avatar wandering around the garden, whacking and re-placing flowers and getting them just how he wanted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You walked up to him and gave him a punch. You typed in the minecraft chatbox. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: pianoman where the hell have u been bro</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i freakn missed u you dingdong head</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: y the hell were u in my house</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: lol no need 2 b hostile </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: just checkin the place out </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: u left my door open </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: srry </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: u better b</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u’ve been saying that a lot lately</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: is something rong? U were acting different bfore u disappeared too</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: im fine</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: r u sure? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im worried man</b>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stretch leaned back against his headboard with a groan, stretching his arms above his head, making them crack and pop a little. Ouh, that felt good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was, to be simply put, bored as all hell. It had been a week since he had said anything in the group chat, and he was beginning to get restless. He wanted to keep being mad at Tuna, though, he knew she’d done nothing wrong. He just.. Didn’t want Blue to get hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without talking to her, he realized just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring </span>
  </em>
  <span>he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first morning, when his frustration was still fresh, he grumily grumped downstairs, ate a frozen eggo waffle, stepped outside for a quick smoke, and fell asleep on the porch swing. Then, two hours later, he woke up, went inside and upstairs, and fell asleep in his bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, the next day, he accidentally checked his phone and looked through the messages Tuna had sent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They weren’t yet worried, just one sent late at night happily telling him goodnight and sweet dreams, one at six in the morning --how she got up so early, he’d never know-- telling him good morning, and a few memes about music being wiggly air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chuckled, then slapped a hand over his mouth. No! He was grumpy! He can’t laugh!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had shoved his phone into his bedside table’s drawer and aggressively flopped back down on his bed, drawing his messy sheets up to his nose bone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next-next day, he found himself typing out a response to Tuna, but deleted it halfway through. No, you moron, you’re still angry! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s when the messages of hers began to get worried. She asked if he was alright, if something was wrong, told him that she hoped everything was alright. He ignored them. Smoked some more, slept some more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Days later, his inbox was filled with pictures of crying cats as she tried to get in contact with him. Fuck, this girl really knew how to make him feel guilty. But nooooooo he’s still angryyyyyy…. Right? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He, with a frown, pulled his laptop from under the bed, pulling up minecraft and loading the world he and Tuna last played in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spun around, and saw that the garden of his house was looking a little funny. And- huh, his door was open. He thought he had closed it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, well. He got to work, punching the tulips and placing them in other places, fixing his clumsy garden. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he was whacked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the heck--” he grunted aloud, whipping his character around and--</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hi, Tuna. When did you get there? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A message in a little grey box appears in the lower corner of his screen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: pianoman where the hell have u been bro</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i freakn missed u you dingdong head</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew she missed him. She had said so at least fifteen times in the last few days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck, she was just a girl online, why did he feel like such </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit </span>
  </em>
  <span>about ignoring her? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Axe was right. He needed to be nice, but....</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want to! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue needed to be kept safe! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she wouldn’t hurt his brother.. He knew that. But, dammit, he was in too deep, he had to keep being mean! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: y the hell were u in my house</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the most angy response he could come with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Tuna wasn’t phased. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: lol no need 2 b hostile </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: just checkin the place out </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave a frown. How could she still be so sweet when he was mean? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: u left my door open </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: srry </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: u better b</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u’ve been saying that a lot lately</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: is something rong? U were acting different bfore u disappeared too</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: im fine</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: r u sure? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im worried man</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God, dammit, Tuna. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: promise. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: im good, tuna. Just been busy.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: o</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: well dont burn urself out </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: won’t. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: hey iv got a question</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: shoot</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: if you had a sibling who’s super awesome, how much would u protect them? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: wit my life of course. Id wanna know what theyr doing, how theyr doing, be close to them. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: tho the could still b their own person yknow. Not gunna stalk em lol</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ha. guess it was just him, then, with the urge to keep Blue at arms length. God, he was really being an ass, huh? Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: y? somethin happn with ur brother? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: kinda. Thanks bro. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave a sigh, pushing his laptop away a little. He grabbed his phone, which had been buried in his sheets, and shot Blue a text. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon, he heard footsteps on the stairs, in the hall, and a loud knock on his door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“come on in, bud,”  Stretch called. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue opened the door, a little worried expression on his rounded skull. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“IS SOMETHING THE MATTER, PAPPY?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“nah, bro, just c’mere. wanna say somethin’” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“UH, ALRIGHT?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue stepped towards the bed, his face turning confused. Stretch reached out and pulled the shorter skeleton close, giving him a tight hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“sorry for bein’ a jerk, bro.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“UM.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you- uh- can hang out with Tuna, if you want. i won't get grumpy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OH. WELL. THAT’S GOOD. BECAUSE SHE AND I ARE GOING TO THE DOG PARK TOMORROW.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“already?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YES! SHE WAS SAD-” Blue gave Stretch a sharp poke in the ribs, “AND SO WE DECIDED TO GET OUR MINDS OFF OF THINGS AND GO HAVE FUN.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stretch rolled his eyelights and gave his brother a noogie, his knuckles scraping over the smooth surface of his brother’s skull. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HEY- WAIT- NO-- NO NOOGIES--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He released the smaller skele. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“get back to whatever you were doin, bud, i got a house to build.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stretch pulled his laptop back on his lap, looking back at the game. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u still there</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: dude u rlly need to start saying when ur afk or not i s2g </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im gonna steal ur tulips if u dont come back in 3</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: 2</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: 1</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that's it the flowers are mine nerd</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: hell no theyr not </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: o there u are </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: welcome back to the world of the living</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: it took me so long to get those flowers you jerk ur not allowed to touch them. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tuna’s character punched a tulip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: how dare you. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She scampered away, orange flower in her cubed hand, and he could almost hear her laughing evilly. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No one: </p><p>Tuna: gee whiz Blu and Blue are so similar<br/>Tuna: but no way they're the same person lmao haha thats crazy haha</p><p>--</p><p>i promise i tried to make stretcc grump longer but i just cOULDNT IM SO SORRY<br/>I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY AAAAAAAAAAAA ;n;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. A Doggone Fun Day Out (Part 1!)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You head out with Blue, to the dog park! how fun!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>u3u</p><p>--this chapter isn't SUPER plot heavy soooo yeah just mindless self indulgence ;3</p><p>aka it's just dorkiness lmfao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It made you feel so much better to have made contact with Pianoman, so, so much better. </p><p> </p><p>You had, during the time that you two played minecraft, stolen nearly all his tulips, and replaced them with, as he said, ‘evil daisies’ </p><p> </p><p>It was fun, to screw around once again with your friend, and your gaming had gone on long into the night, until you were yawning and your thought process time slowed to the point of you walking off the roof of your house and dying. At that point, Pianoman suggested you go to sleep. You, begrudgingly, obliged, though suspicious about what he’d do to your house while you were gone. You’d check tomorrow, if you got the chance. </p><p> </p><p>You had planned an outing with your new friend, Blue, happily agreeing to go to the dog park, and walk around a dog-friendly outlet mall as well. You agreed to be picked up around noon, giving you enough time to do your morning chores and tidy up both you and your dogs. You didn’t want to go out into public with you and your dogs looking like the disasters they were. </p><p> </p><p>You spent at least an hour combing Flicker’s chest and tail fur, and then another thirty brushing Chompy. The girls were being crazy as well, knowing that they were going somewhere *fun* </p><p> </p><p>After you had finished with them, that left you time to debate your outfit. Usually, at home, you didn’t put much effort into your appearance. Not because you didn’t care about yourself, but because you could care less about what you looked like when someone couldn't see you. In public, it was much the same, but you weren’t going out in sweatpants and a too-big t-shirt.</p><p> </p><p>You shuffled through your closet, looking through your… disappointing wardrobe. You had a lot of overalls and flannel, as well as a bunch of old t-shirts that were probably too small by now. With a shrug, you tugged out one of your more ‘decorative’ pairs of overalls. There’s a difference, y’know, between work overalls and out-n-about overalls. </p><p> </p><p>But you pulled a pair of dark overalls from your closet, hoping they’d fit. Thank goodness you were going to the mall. You <em> really </em> needed clothes that fit. Hips were both a curse and a blessing. </p><p> </p><p>You slid, sadly, out of your sweatpants, patting them. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll miss you, my lovelies.”</p><p> </p><p>They did not respond. </p><p> </p><p>You pouted, though stuck your feet though the legs of your overalls, and slid them up. Which was easy, till you got to the thigh part. </p><p> </p><p>You groaned, jumping a little to fit yourself into the pants, feeling satisfied when you finally got them up and over your thighs and hips, grinning in triumph. </p><p> </p><p>“Ha!” you shout, “I won, you stinkin’ overalls!” </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte gave you a look from her spot on your pillow, judging you for being so loud. You gave her a pat on the head in apology. </p><p> </p><p>With the straps still dangling at your sides, you toss away your shirt and tug a striped short-sleeved shirt from your closet. You looked it over and, deeming it alright, stuck it on. It really highlighted the fact that you had HARDLY ANY TIDDIES. You patted your chest, with the tiniest bit of a pout, and stuck the straps of your overalls over your shoulders. The top half of the overalls was kinda baggy compared to the rest of the outfit, but you shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>You ran a brush through your hair, though not making a move to style it any. That’s too much work. </p><p> </p><p>You stuck your tongue out at yourself in the mirror, and deemed yourself a snacc. You nodded and stepped out of your bedroom, giving your phone a glance. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 11:43 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ah! Blue should be here any minute. Rushing a little, you scoot to the front and dig out your red high-top converse and shove them onto your feet. You call for your dogs, and they come barreling up to you, barking at you and spinning around in circles. </p><p> </p><p>You try to shush them, try to calm them down enough to get their leashes on, but, alas, they aren’t having it. </p><p> </p><p>Eventually, after at least five minutes of struggle, you get the leashes on, congratulating the dogs on their accomplishment. Then, you heard a honk outside your house. That must be him.</p><p> </p><p>You open the door and, with some kind of super-strength, your dogs pull you out of the house, and you barely have time to shut the door before the dogs tug you to the SUV that idles in your driveway. </p><p> </p><p>Blue rolls down his window and waves excitedly, grinning. </p><p> </p><p>“HELLO!! ARE YOU READY?” </p><p> </p><p>You nod, trying to get your dogs to <em> calm the heck down.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“OH- HOLD ON, LET ME OPEN THE TRUNK--” </p><p> </p><p>Blue pushes a button and the back of the car lifts open with a mechanical noise, and your dogs bark like crazy people. You take them over to the back, allowing Flicker to hop into the car with a semi-graceful leap. Chompy is too short to do so, and you’re not gonna let her sit in the back anyways. Though Flicker is Chompy’s best friend, you don't want your loaf to get smooshed. Picking up the nugget, you close the back of the car and scoot over to the side, slipping into the car and- ouh, it’s warm.</p><p> </p><p>The inside of the SUV has that freshly-cleaned feeling, and also that awkward feeling of being in a different vehicle than you’re used to. You wave to Sans, who sits in the driver's seat, and Blue, who’s next to him in the passenger seat. </p><p> </p><p>“CAN I HOLD CHOMPY?” Asked Blue, making little grabby hands for your fat little dog. You chuckle and hand her off, watching the small skeleton coo at her, pat her head, and shower her in praise.</p><p> </p><p>You shake your head with a chuckle, buckling up. </p><p> </p><p>Just like Lil Blu. </p><p> </p><p>“you guys ready?” asked Sans, looking back at you. </p><p> </p><p>You gave him a thumbs up, and he nodded, slowly backing out of the driveway. </p><p> </p><p>Ha. You felt like a teen again, being driven by your friend’s parents to go to the mall. Hah. </p><p> </p><p>---</p>
<hr/><p>Blblblblblblblbllbl driving time</p>
<hr/><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“call me when y’all wanna be picked up, alright?” Sans said, leaning out of the window. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Mom, will do. Seeya later, dude.” </p><p> </p><p>Sans rolled his eyelights, chuckling slightly. </p><p> </p><p>“seeya later, blue, be good, alright?” </p><p> </p><p>“I'M ALWAYS GOOD!” </p><p> </p><p>You watched the skeleton drive away, then looked back at Blue, who had Chompy’s leash in his hands. He wanted to hold Flicker’s too, but you didn’t want Blue to get yoinked by the big doggo. </p><p> </p><p>“Y’ ready, Blue?” </p><p> </p><p>“MHM!” </p><p> </p><p>With a smile, you entered the dog park. </p><p> </p><p>There were a couple other dogs there; A few Pit bulls, some retrievers, and a chunky looking bulldog. You approached the other dogs with Flicker still on her leash, making sure the canines would get along. After they sniffed butts and deemed each other best friends for life, you released Flicker from her leash. As soon as you did, she tore <em> ass </em>around the large park, challenging the other dogs to a race. Blue attempted to unclip Chompy from her own leash, but the little dog was wriggling so much that he couldn’t get a grip on the D-ring. </p><p> </p><p>In the end, you had to pick up the little dog to get her still enough to get the leash off. When you let her back down, the first thing she does is <em> tackle </em>the biggest of the pit bulls with the force of a tiny atomic missile. </p><p> </p><p>“God, dammit, Chompy, that’s rude, you can’t just attack people-” </p><p> </p><p>The two dogs go tumbling off, Chompy underfoot, and the brindle pit bull trying very hard not to step on her. </p><p> </p><p>Chompy had the worst little man complex ever. The only dog that was exempt from Chompy’s fury was Flicker. The corgi would find the biggest dog around (that wasn’t Flicker) and tackle them. Didn’t matter if the dog was a Great Dane or a Pit Bull. Chompy would attack. </p><p> </p><p>“Chompy, I understand you’re a strong, independent woman, but you can’t just tackle people,” you say to your dog, picking her up and carrying her back over to where Blue was. </p><p> </p><p>“Aw, it’sss fine. Zack’s kinda a weenie anywaysss,” said a relaxed, four-eyed monster off to the side, who was relaxing on one of the metal benches. </p><p> </p><p>“Zack?” </p><p> </p><p>“Uh-huh. The pittie over there, that yer dog was tripping.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Right- sorry anyways. She feels the need to challenge everyone-” you boop her on the nose. She licks your finger, acting like she didn’t know what you were talking about. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s alright. All small dogs are like that,” he chuckles, looking away. </p><p> </p><p>You set Chompy back down, letting her scamper off to chase the bulldog this time. You place yourself up against the fence, next to Blue, who was scruffling the face of a very happy golden retriever. </p><p> </p><p>“WHO’S A GOOD GIRL? HUH? WHO’S A GOOD GIRL? YOU ARE! YOU’RE A GOODEST GIRL--” he looked up at you, as if just noticing you were there. A little bit of blue stains his cheekbones, and he gives the doggo another pat on the head, “I MEAN, NOT AS GOOD AS FLICKER AND CHOMPY, BUT NEARLY.” </p><p> </p><p>Pfft. </p><p> </p><p>“All doggos are good doggos, Blue!” </p><p> </p><p>“YOU’RE RIGHT!” he announced, cupping the dog’s squishy face in his hands again, “YOU ARE JUST AS GOOD AS FLICKER AND CHOMPY! AREN’T YOU, HUH?” </p><p> </p><p>The dog’s tail is going a mile a minute, and you decide to join in the dog patting. Hopefully, you wouldn’t give the goldie a pat overload. </p><p> </p><p>Soon, Flicker dashes over and play-bows at the retriever, who does the same, now distracted. They run off together, barking like crazy people. You chuckle, leaning against the fence. You prop your elbow up on Blue’s skull with a grin. </p><p> </p><p>He was only about four inches shorter than you, but damn if you didn’t take advantage of that. </p><p> </p><p>“WUH- HUH- WHY ARE YOU-- HEY-!” he spluttered. </p><p> </p><p>You snort, your other hand going to cover your mouth. The flush of his cheekbones spread like wildfire, his face turning the brightest blue you’d seen. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong, Blue?” </p><p> </p><p>Whatever he said next could only be described as <em> hjfkdsfhsjdfhksdjfhksjdhlakss</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Fuckin’ adorable. </p><p> </p><p>“You good there, bud?” you teased, making him splutter some more. </p><p> </p><p>“I’M FINE- AKSHDJSAHD--” </p><p> </p><p>He devolved into a pile of blue gibberish as you began to scruffle his skull, your nails drifting over the smooth surface. </p><p> </p><p>“Really, you alright there, Blue?” you say, a little concerned now. Was scruffling a <em> thing </em>for monsters? </p><p> </p><p>“MHM! I’M FINE!” </p><p> </p><p>“You… sure? You’re very…. <em> blue” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’M ALRIGHT!” </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, you begin petting him again, hoping it was alright. Soon, you heard a quiet noise coming from his chest. Was he… purring? </p><p> </p><p>“You’re like a cat!” you laugh. </p><p> </p><p>He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck, bashfully. Y’know, this information may be useful… for perfectly innocent, sinless reasons.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. I am a MEGA SIMP for girls n theys in overalls. like. A ***MEGA. SIMP*** </p><p>2. i can't tell if im Blue or Tuna rn. do i want pat or do i want to gib pat? </p><p>3. im touch starved. </p><p>4. im tired and want fluffiness so im posting this today and i dont want to write the other half rn so yeah here u go u lovely ppl</p><p>5. Precisely nothing happens in this chapter but thats ok</p><p>6. I am a firm believer in Pats Make Skeles Short Circuit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. A Doggone Fun Day Out (Part 2!)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>just mindless fluff bc i am a simple goblin desiring affection u.u<br/>i promise next chapter things will happen lol</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>important question bc im about screee m if i don't find out: which skeleton is the one in the snow camo like ive been trying to figure out who he b and what au he's in but like im a dummy lmfao. </p><p>this chapter is kinda slow and non productive so if u dont like that then u can skip it lol. </p><p>i love you guys so much thank you for 267 Kudos 43 bookmarks and 2691 hits &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You and Blue had, somehow, ended up on one of the metal benches of the park, watching the dogs run around. The little skeleton was pressed against your side, vibrating happily as you patted his little skull. If you two weren’t in public, he’d probably be sitting in your lap like some kind of bony lapdog. </p><p> </p><p>When you thought about it, this was becoming more and more like a date by the minute. But, hey, platonic dates exist. Plus, Blue was cute, so that made it okay. You were comfortable with him. </p><p> </p><p>You guys had sat at the park for… oh, gee, at the very least, two hours. You had been chatting casually the whole time, about siblings and family and favorite foods and random things like that, normal people things. </p><p> </p><p>Eventually, your dogs had come up to you, blitzed out of their minds from their crazy antics around the park, tails wagging lazily. Blue reached out and gave them pats, smiling brightly, those literal stars wobbling in his eyelights as he praised them. </p><p> </p><p>“ARE YOU TIRED, PUPPIES? HUH? ARE YOU TIRED BABIES?” </p><p> </p><p>This skeleton was gonna be the death of you. You thought the first one was gonna kill you, but no, this skeleton is going to kill you, and he’s going to do it slowly and by being the most adorable thing you have ever seen in your entire life. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, Blue, y’know what? I think they’d like to go to the mall. Get some snacks.” </p><p> </p><p>Blue, Flicker, And Chompy <em> all </em>perked up at the promise of either snacks or the mall. Maybe both, you’d never know. </p><p> </p><p>“YES! WE SHOULD GO!”</p><p> </p><p>But he made no move to get up. You gave him a tap on the nose.. bone, and he flinched, as if he just noticed he would have to get off of you to go literally anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>“O-OH- RIGHT!” He squeaks, hopping up from his spot on the bench, thrusting a gloved finger into the air, face flushed pale blue, “TO THE MALL!!” </p><p> </p><p>“To the mall!” you agree, with a little chuckle, peeling yourself off the bench. For some reason, you felt a little cold without that tiny skeleton up against you. </p><p> </p><p>With a stretch and the pop of your bones, you stand. When you crack your knuckles, Blue gives you an… odd look. You raise an eyebrow at him and he just shakes his head, giving a little laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“Ya wanna get going, bud?” You ask, pulling your dog’s leashes from the big front pocket of your overalls. </p><p> </p><p>“UH-HUH! CAN WE GET PRETZELS?” </p><p> </p><p>You laugh, patting the little skeleton on the crown of his skull. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, Blue.” </p><p> </p><p>“YAY!” He squeals, bouncing a little. You clip the leashes onto your dog’s collars, which is significantly easier now that they’re tired out. You hand Blue Chompy’s leash, slipping it around his phalanges. You hold Flicker’s in your own hand, adjusting her collar so its easier on her neck if she decides to pull. When you look up from Flicker again, you see Blue holding Chompy like she’s a baby, holding the little corgi close to his body like she’s the most important thing in the world. </p><p> </p><p>You smile, heart warm at the sight. Blue smiles back at you- or is that his usual face?-- and begins to waddle over to the gate. You follow slightly behind so that Flicker could keep a better eye on the corgi, pulling out your phone to look at your discord. You had told the guys that  you wouldn’t be online today, so they wouldn’t get worried, and at first, Cherry had demanded to know <em> where are you going and who are you going with and when are you going and when will you be back and-- </em>until Comedy told him, basically, to shut the fuck up.</p><p> </p><p>Cherry and his brother were always relatively protective, even though the both of them were also kinda jerks. </p><p> </p><p>It made you laugh. </p><p> </p><p>You were feeling happy, today, in that kinda sentimental,  all-I-want-to-do-is-spend-time-with-people way. You wanted to give everyone a hug and give everyone anything they ever wanted. </p><p> </p><p>You give your head a shake. Stop being sappy! </p><p> </p><p>The outlet mall wasn’t far from the dog park, just maybe five, seven minutes, tops, so you could easily walk there with Blue. </p><p> </p><p>The place had some kind of cheesy name that malls do, that made no sense but sounded pretty and fancy. The mall could be called Gooseland and you would go if it was a proper mall. </p><p> </p><p>But, no, this mall was not called Gooseland. Rather, it was Duck Lake Outlets. See? Cheesy, but sounded pretty and made no sense, because there wasn’t a single duck or lake within a ten mile radius of the place. Don’t worry, you checked. </p><p> </p><p>The mall had a ton of stores, Adidas, Nike, Converse, Hot Topic, Journey, one of those fancy jewelry stores, heck, even a cute little japanese anime store with plushies and cute outfits. The best part, though, was that there was <em> food, </em>a few pretzel places, a candy store, a pizza place advertising fresh, brick oven baked pizza pies. Oh, how you loved pizza. </p><p> </p><p>As you stepped into the mall, you looked at Blue. </p><p> </p><p>“Where should we go first? Pretzels?” </p><p> </p><p>The little guy nodded with such vigor it made you smile. You chuckled, giving him a scruffle on his skull, then pad to the little pretzel kiosk, the smell so wonderfully sweet on your senses.</p><p> </p><p>Minutes later, you both have sugary snacks in your hands, Blue opting for a full cinnamon-sugar soft pretzel made specifically for monsters, while you went with a cup full of smaller soft pretzel bits (for humans), drenched in all the cinnamon and all the sugar. Not wanting to leave your dogs out, you got them some plain pretzel, breaking off chunks and tossing them to the pups. Blue giggled when they caught the food mid-air. </p><p> </p><p>He tried to throw one for Chompy, but accidentally bonked her on the nose with the piece of pastry. With a cry, he exclaimed and placed his unfinished pretzel on his napkin, diving to the ground to wrap his arms around the corgi, apologizing profusely. Chompy simply barked and picked up the piece of pretzel from the ground, living up to her name with loud lip-smacking sounds. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, Blue, she’s a doggo. And, it was an accident.” </p><p> </p><p>“BUT I BONKED HER WITH HER FOOD!” He whimpered. </p><p> </p><p>“Buddy, it’s alright, I promise. See, she’s already forgiven you.” </p><p> </p><p>Chompy yapped and stomped her nubby feet, demanding more food. </p><p> </p><p>“B-BUT--” </p><p> </p><p>“Here, Blue, how about this,” you said, peeling a piece of pretzel off the knot for the dog, hand handed it to the little skeleton, “I bet if you give her this pretzel, she’ll love you forever,” </p><p> </p><p>His eyes instantly brightened. He lifted the pretzel bit to the corgi’s mouth, patting her soft head. To put it simply, the dog <em> inhaled </em>the food. Flicker placed a paw on Blue’s knee expectantly. You gave him another piece of pretzel and he fed it to the bigger doggo with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>You could get used to this, y’know. Relaxing in public with a buddy like Blue and your dogs. </p><p> </p><p>With a little grunt, you stood, sticking the last bite of your pretzel bits in your mouth. You looked down at Blue, who was still patting your doggo on the head. He looked up at you and smiled-- how did his cheeks not hurt from smiling so much?-- standing up himself and picking up his pretzel. He chomped into it with a happy grunt, getting cinnamon sugar on his skull. </p><p> </p><p>You laughed, picking up a napkin to wipe his little skull with. </p><p> </p><p>You took the cup that the pretzel bits were in and took it to the trash, tossing it into the grey bucket. Blue trailed behind you, tossing his own trash into the can, chomping on the last bits of his pretzel. </p><p> </p><p>“UM. DO YOU WANNA GO TO THE JAPANESE STORE NEXT?” He asks, licking his teeth from the remnant grains of sugar. </p><p> </p><p>You nod, giving the little skeleton a thumbs up. Blue picked up the leashes of your doggos, handing you Flicker’s. </p><p> </p><p>You guys wander down the rows of stores, not exactly knowing where you’re going. You have a vague idea, but in general, no clue where the shop is. </p><p> </p><p>You shrug, deciding to use your best judgement, heading forward with a grin. </p><p> </p><p>“Onwards!” you announce. </p><p> </p><p>Blue giggled and sped up, Chompy held in his arms. (You had tried to tell him that she could walk, but he refused to hear it, saying that she was a queen and he had to do anything she wanted) </p><p> </p><p>Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted the cutesy japanese store, the bright pastel colors standing out in comparison to the more toned-down colors of the Old Navy next to it. You point it out to Blue and, like little kids, scamper towards it, grinning and giggling. </p><p> </p><p>Blue presses his face to the glass windows of the shop at first, exclaiming at how <em> awesome </em>the stuff in there looks. </p><p> </p><p>“WOW!” he exclaims, “LOOK AT HOW MANY STUFFED ANIMALS THEY HAVE!! AND, AND, LOOK! THERE’S SO MUCH POCKY--” </p><p> </p><p>You shook your head at how silly he was acting, fanning over stuffed animals and snacks. </p><p> </p><p>“We should go in, huh? Look around?” </p><p> </p><p>“YES! YES RIGHT, YES--” he squealed, pushing open the door to the place. You took a moment to make sure you could bring the doggos in and-- yup! You sped in after Blue, who had already tackled a giant stuffed fish that was almost bigger than him. </p><p> </p><p>“THIS IS <em> AWESOME!!” </em>He squeals, burying his little skull into the fish. Wait-- </p><p> </p><p>Hold up--</p><p> </p><p>Is that--</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit--</p><p> </p><p>It’s a giant. Tuna Fish. Plushy. </p><p> </p><p>You burst out into laughter, and Blue looks at you funny. </p><p> </p><p>“WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” He asks. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh- oh, uhm- heh- uh, yeah, um, i have discord. My username is, hehe, Unflavored Tuna. It’s- heheh- just funny. Hey, do you think… aha!” you exclaimed, scooting over to another plushy. This one a funny-looking leaf with a little hole in it, like the Animal Crossing leaf. You take it and place it onto the tuna fish plushy’s head. You snicker. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> I have been flavored.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>You look at Blue and, after a moment of silence, you both keel over in laughter, no doubt making the other people in the store question your sanity. </p><p> </p><p>You lift your phone and, with a cackle, snap a picture of the tuna with the leaf on it and with the leaf off of it. </p><p> </p><p>“Hold up, Blue, sorry, just wanna send a picture to my friends real quick, is that okay?” </p><p> </p><p>He giggles and nods, wiping little blue tears from his eye sockets. You send the image to the discord.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: omg is that u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah man but look</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: OH MY GOODNESDJHASDLJASDLKHF</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: YOU’VE BEEN FLAVORED </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I KNOW </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: <em>@Everyone</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: Y’ALL LOOK</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Weirdly, Blue’s phone made a ding noise when Red @’d everyone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: oh man</b>
</p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: well ig it’s about thyme</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PuzzleMaster: OH, WOWIE! THAT’S ADORABLE! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>PuzzleMaster: <em>@ComedyCentral</em> NO </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: aw but the puns will just keep on gettin pepper</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Don’t You Start</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: you shoulda seen that cumin bro</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Stop It You Terrible Horrible People </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: it’s mint to be </b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” you giggle, “They’re punning,” </p><p> </p><p>“PUNNING? REALLY?” He asks, sounding a tiny bit exasperated. </p><p> </p><p>Oh no, it wasn’t something you did, right? </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, hah, yeah.” you chuckle, pocketing your phone after turning your discord settings to Do Not Disturb. </p><p> </p><p>You scratch the back of your neck. </p><p> </p><p>“This fish is pretty awesome, huh?” you ask, trying to fix the vibe. </p><p> </p><p>“HM? OH, YES! IT’S AWESOME!” </p><p> </p><p>You grin as Chompy approached the stuffed animal, sniffing it intently. </p><p> </p><p>“Chompy seems to like it, too. Y’know. Might get one, just for the hell of it. It’s adorable, too, huh?” </p><p> </p><p>“THE MOST ADORABLE FISH EVER!!” He announces. </p><p> </p><p>You nod in agreement, looking at the price tag of the huge fish. It’s a little steep but hey. There is no price on happiness. You heft it up, hardly able to get your arms around it, and grin at Blue. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s keep lookin’ around, yeah?” </p><p> </p><p>The little skeleton nods, lifting the little animal crossing leaf and placing it back, before buzzing off to the other parts of the store. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>happy goblin noises </p><p>my heart is warm bc floofy am i right lmao </p><p>seriously tho things will actually happen next chapter this one didn't really mean much ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p>my fingies hurt u3u;;</p><p>Love you all &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. High On Serotonin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You try on skirts with Blue!!!! And,,,, Wild gets a surprise! owo</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you have a problem with boyes in skirts, either don't read this chapter or face my wrath bc i will ACTUALLY fight you. boyes in skirts are the BEST THING EVER and i stand by that. </p><p>(skirts are a weird thing for me bc i dont wear them [#nbgang] but i tried my best to figure them out lol)</p><p>--posting this at 2:30 am so there's probably so many mistakes im so sorry--</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You departed from the store giggling and laughing, throat hurting a little (you didn’t know if that applied to Blue… did skeletons have throats??) from just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> you laughed. So, so much. Almost everything entertained you two, from Blue fawning over Pocky to you dancing with a Hatsune Miku keychain when one of her songs came on over the speakers, to the both of you squealing over Mew Mew Kissy Cutie Funko Pop things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue had convinced you to get the dogs new toys, too, and this cute little cave-tent-thing for Charlotte (When had you told him her name? She didn’t have a collar, yet..) too, which were in bags in your hands. The tent wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, of course, and popped up to be bigger when released from the box. Speaking of collars, though, you had gotten your kitten one, a little forest-green tartan bow tie with a bell and her name.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Atop Blue’s skull sat a pair of cyan blue cat ears, with little bells and lots of soft poof that you kept reaching over and patting. Sometimes you forgot they weren’t real, with how perfect they looked on the little skele’s head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You both were walking on, giggling and laughing happily, when you saw Blue’s eyelights drift to a storefront. You followed his gaze to- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh! Skirts! There were cute skirts in the window of a store, in sweet pastel colors on mannequins. You saw how he was looking at them, face the tiniest bit blue, as if ashamed he found them pretty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You knew that look. You wore it often. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The look of wanting to wear something but afraid it’s not socially acceptable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yo, Blue,” you grinned, and his gaze snapped back to you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“U-UH! YEAH, T- [Y/N]?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You rested your elbow on his skull, and pointed towards the skirts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those skirts are awful cute.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-Oh,” He blushed, seeming to go into panic mode, waving his arms in the air, “I- I WASN’T TRYING TO BE CREEPY, OR ANYTHING, I JUST--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You gave him a pat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hon,” you smiled, putting on your Comforting Southern Mama</span>
  <span>tm </span>
  <span> voice, “I think you’d look </span>
  <em>
    <span>beautiful</span>
  </em>
  <span> in one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He seemed to short circuit from that sentence, seemingly not expecting it, and blinked up at you. How that worked, you didn’t know, because he was a skeleton, but, hey, no questions asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need to be embarrassed, love, even the coolest dudes wear skirts- hell, guys wearing skirts are the coolest dudes ever. Do whatever makes you happy, babe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He flushed at your pet names, even though it was just something you picked up living in the area. The sickly-sweet southern lingo had gotten to ya. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-YOU’RE RIGHT!” He nods, vigorously as ever, “TO THE SKIRTS!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To the skirts!” You shout, getting hostile looks from old women walking around. You stuck your tongue out at them, like a child, but it was funny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Letting your doggos pull you to the store, you chuckled at Blue’s sudden shyness. You’d have to make the little guy confident again, huh? That’s alright, you could do that, easy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As you made your way to the place, you saw that it had quite a number of more feminine clothing as to masculine. This seemed to both entice Blue and make him shyer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, poor baby, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you think, with a little sigh and pout, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Society is trash. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You give the guy a little pat on the skull, between those little cat ears, giving him a comforting smile, as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you get uncomfortable, we’ll leave immediately, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods, though, he places his hands on his hips in Determination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I Can Do This!” he shouts, grinning a little more than a few moments ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah, baby Blue,” you smile. You’d call him Little Blue, but that’s just a little too close to Lil Blu--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“LANGUAGE,” Chastised Blue. You laughed in response. Oh, just like Lil Blu, his actions kept reminding you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, of course,” you nodded, “sorry, darlin’” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He huffed, blushing a little more </span>
  <span>again </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushed open the doors and--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, god, did it smell like pumpkin spice in here. Holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit,</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was strong. You winced a little at the strong smell. No offence to those that enjoy the scent, but, oh, goodness, gracious, just how much </span>
  <em>
    <span>pumpkin </span>
  </em>
  <span>and how much </span>
  <em>
    <span>spice </span>
  </em>
  <span>did one need? Because you were sure this was way enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue coughed, too, and glanced at you, as if trying to see if you could smell that smell. You nodded to him, with a mirthful smile, laughing just a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking your thoughts away from the harsh smell, you looked around at the store. Hoodies, Crop-tops, jeans, skirts, dresses, hell, every article of clothing imaginable existed in this place. Well. Except maybe, like, niche items. In the corner was a closed-in area with a well-dressed poodle sitting gracefully within. Must be a place to put your doggo while you shop. How smart. You gesture to Blue that that’s where you’re going, but you’ll be right back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods, looking around a bit awkwardly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You make sure to hurry and drop your pups off at the little enclosed area, telling Chompy </span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly </span>
  </em>
  <span>not to be rude to the poodle. Flicker sits next to the equally tall doggo, staring into the other’s eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, a challenger, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you imagined your dog saying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>here to take my place as most beautiful pupper. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pat her on the head, place your bags and your giant tuna fish next to the false picket fence-- you knew Chompy would protect your stuff with her life-- and hurry back to the Ever Awkward Blue, who’s padding around very shyly, tapping his pointer fingers together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You lean up against the little guy, bumping him with your hip a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s getcha some skirts, huh, little dude?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He clears his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-ONLY IF YOU GET ONE, TOO!” he announces. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grin, placing your hands on your hips, giving him a look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really, now? That a challenge?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods his head with enthusiasm, eyelights star-shaped as he does, happy at the prospect of a challenge, to make things easier. You learned, in your talking to him, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>liked challenges. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bet. I’ll get two and you’ll get two, alright? Then we’ll both try all four of ‘em on. Whoever’s cuter wins, got it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HOW WILL WE DECIDE, THOUGH?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know a guy,” you nod, smirking just a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe you were a little drunk on happiness and good vibes, but you knew the perfect judge for this challenge…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wild. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t be biased, because that's not who he seemed to be. And, besides, he was blunt, you discovered recently, in that dead-honest-but-nice-about-it way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s your size, Baby Blue?” you ask the little skele, scruffling his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- ER, SMALL” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Put thought into it, huh, love?” you tease. He immediately covers his face with his hands and squeaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Awh, just kidding, buddy,” you crouch down a little besides the skeleton to whisper where his ear would be, placing a flattened hand next to your cheek as if telling a secret, “m’ a large. Don’t tell nobody, got it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little skele snorted, giving the smallest of eyerolls. Eyerolls? Hehe, you didn’t expect that from him, but goodness, was it cute. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With some spunk, you turn to the area of the store that holds the skirts. There’s a lot of different kinds, as you can see. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pleated, draped, mini, horse girl, you name it. You make it a point to not look at Blue, but stay near him. You don’t want him to be nervous, but you also can’t look at the skirts he chooses for you, because it’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>surprise. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You, to keep yourself from looking at his choices for you, start looking for his skirts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grin wickedly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s gonna be the cutest. Skeleton. Ever. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You have in mind pastel colors. Nothing dark, because he’s just a lil baby an’ he’s soft and precious. And, besides, you thought you looked decent in pastels, too. Even though this wasn’t entirely about you, you could still look like a snacc-- or, rather, an entire meal-- while doing so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This isn’t really your thing, when you think about it, clothing isn’t something you’re superly interested in. But, hell, anything to keep this feeling going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You meet up in front of the dressing rooms, hiding your two choices behind your back. Blue is doing the same, but you can see a bit of fabric peeking out from behind his own back. You grin at each other, and his eyelights are shaped like stars again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ready, Lil dude?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods eagerly, bouncing just a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aight. Who first, kiddo?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ME!” He squeaks, bouncing even more. You chuckle, giving him a scruffle on the head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bet,” you grin, and push him into the dressing room, shoving in the two skirts you picked out for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sit on the bench outside the room, and pull out your phone, and shoot Wild a PM. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i require your assistance </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Is something wrong? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no no everythings awesome! n.n</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i just need u to be a judge for a contest</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Contest? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah you’ll see man</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u ready bro</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I suppose. Is it gonna be weird?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ㅇㅅㅇ</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: o .o;;</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>You’d deliberated on showing the guys what you look like for a little while, now, question whether or not you should. At first, it was a hard no, but as you got to know them just a little better, well, now, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. But, it was probably best to ease yourself into it… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So you chose Wild to see your first. You thought you and he were the closest, and though also that he, by far, was the least weird and the most honest. It worked! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You grin, and look up when Blue peeks around the door at you. His face is once again bright blue. He gestures for you to come in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Come in? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something the matter, bud?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“NO, NO, EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT IT JUST-- DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE STEPPING OUT..?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyelights glance down at the floor in embarrassment and shame, and he scratches the back of his neck vertebrae. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stand, the material of your overalls rustling together, and reach to give Blue a pat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, buddo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles in relief, and steps back to let you in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And you see him, in all his little skele glory, dressed in the first skirt. It’s a light pastel blue in color, in that cute harajuku style, with two white stripes on the bottom, and pleated just a little. You squeal. It paired oh-so-well with the cat ear headband that still sat on his head</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, you are just--” you reach out and wrap your arms around him, squeezing his form, “so, so perfect!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He giggled, and tapped your shoulder so you’d let him go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, right, sorry, bud,” you squeak, and step back. His face was blue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I take a picture? Gotta show the judge” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The skeleton nods, and strikes a silly pose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, we’re playin’ it like that, huh, nerd?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’M NOT A NERD!” He squeaks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You laugh and snap a picture of the little guy, making sure to not get his face. You didn't want to expose him or invade his privacy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, shortstack. Now,” you give him a grin, “my turn. It okay if I change in here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods, turning around and facing the wall. He makes it a point to cover his eye sockets with his hands, too. You chuckle and pick up the larger version of the blue skirt, giving it a once-over, and then place it back down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking off your overalls and tossing them onto the floor, you tug on the skirt. It was just a little tight in the waist but-- when you looked into the mirror, hot </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure, you had cellulite and fat and jiggle, but wow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You were h. o. t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or, cute, maybe, would fit better? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was, you were it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not saying you looked better than Blue, oh no, he took the cake. But… you didn’t look half bad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Blue, kiddo, you can look now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slowly turned around and--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>SQUEAL</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL T- [Y/N]! WOWIE!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pfft.” you feel your cheeks warm, even though you agreed with the little skele. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> beautiful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You lifted your phone to take a picture of yourself in the mirror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ready to see the winner of this round, Blue?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods, peeking over your shoulder to look at your phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: wild u ready</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blue’s eyes widened a little. Wonder why that was… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Ready As I’ll Ever Be</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: get ready bro</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sent Blue’s picture first, then yours a little later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a pause before you got a response:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Woah</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>things to note: </p><p>It takes a lot of trust to show a picture of yourself online, to someone you don't know physically. I guess you could call this character development, maybe? relationship-building? idk! (also. dont show urself online if ur uncomfortable!!!) </p><p>p.s i wanted an excuse to write boies in skirts and also Blue being babey so thats literally what these last few chapters have been fueled by XD id also like to say: no matter what u weigh or what you look like, you're beautiful/handsome/awesome and i LOVE you. know that and if you dont,, haha, well, *hugs* i will /make/ you know that. </p><p>i think ill make next chapter in a certain skeles POV ;3</p><p>i was also thinking during this chapter like;;;; what did Wild feel when he saw blue in a skirt randomly? but then i was like;;;;;; whatever he doesn't care bc TUNA IS FUCKING BEAUTIFULADJASLKDJALSKDFKSJFJL</p><p>but have a good day!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. AXE.EXE Has Stopped Working</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Axe simps and makes bad choices. </p><p>ft. Red being rude</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tried a new writing style. it looked better in google docs but o well </p><p>i coded for the first time tho (it took **FOREVER**) so yay! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>axe was glad that tuna was having fun with blue. </p><p> </p><p>he was also glad that stretch had allowed blue to go with tuna. </p><p> </p><p>she had made sure to let everyone know she was alright, though everyone already knew she was fine. blue, not in a million years, would ever harm anyone, let alone tuna.  </p><p> </p><p>he knew she was having the time of her life, with blue. she had said so often in her check-ins, using excessive amounts of emotes and happy faces and exclamation marks, which in turn made him happy. it made many of the skeletons happy, in fact. Axe could nearly smell all the good vibes emanating from every corner of the house. </p><p> </p><p>red was happy, and vocal about it, too, though he was also jealous of blue. stretch was mainly happy for his brother, but that’s a good thing. Papyrus, on the other hand, oh papyrus, he was still squealing at the image of ‘FlavoredTuna’ </p><p> </p><p>the happy feelings in the house made axe warm inside. </p><p> </p><p>he wondered if Sugar would like to join the discord…</p><p> </p><p>he probably would--</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i require your assistance </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Is something wrong? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>at first, axe was scared something had happened, and felt a pang of worry inside his ribcage, but she quickly responded back and relieved his worry. that’s something that he enjoyed. she never took very long to reply and so he wasn’t sitting there nervously and acting like a moron. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no no everythings awesome! n.n</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i just need u to be a judge for this contest</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Contest? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah you’ll see man</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u ready bro</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I suppose. Is it gonna be weird?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ㅇㅅㅇ</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: o .o;;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>a contest?</p><p> </p><p>and why did she choose him to be the judge? </p><p> </p><p>by the way she described it, it was going to be something weird. </p><p> </p><p>in preparation for this possible weirdness, axe shuffled around in his bed and sat up so he could properly judge this contest. he cradled his phone in his hands and looked at it curiously, waiting for the contest to start. </p><p> </p><p>he was good at waiting. </p><p> </p><p>after maybe a good six, seven minutes, he got another message from Tuna.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: wild u ready</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Ready As I’ll Ever Be</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: get ready bro. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>it was blue in a skirt. </p><p> </p><p>???</p><p> </p><p>he looked cute but..?? </p><p> </p><p>sure, she didn’t know that blue and he already knew each other, but still, why would she--</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“oh--” </p><p> </p><p>he fell off the bed, clattering to the floor</p><p> </p><p>a heat filled his face.</p><p> </p><p>but that’s alright. because.. </p><p> </p><p>because it was-</p><p> </p><p>it was <em> her-- </em></p><p> </p><p>well. </p><p> </p><p>her body. </p><p> </p><p>but it was <em> her. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>and she was hot</strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>he could only see up to her shoulders, but what he saw. </p><p> </p><p>oh, what he saw. </p><p> </p><p>small shoulders, the tiniest smidgen of her chin and jawline, a bit of her hair, which looked soft, though was kind of frizzy and wild.</p><p> </p><p>and the obvious focus of the picture:</p><p> </p><p>beautiful legs, thick with lucious, fleshy padding, in a cute blue skirt. </p><p> </p><p>he knew that most, humans, that is, she would be considered fat, in a mocking way. but that was just <em> stupid. </em>fat was beautiful. especially where he came from.</p><p> </p><p>and she just-- </p><p> </p><p>oh, how she proved that theory. </p><p> </p><p>she was so, so beautiful! </p><p> </p><p>and- and--</p><p> </p><p>she showed <em> him </em>what she looked like first.</p><p> </p><p>he felt… what did he feel? honored? happy? some kind of mix of both? </p><p> </p><p>he knew you wanted a response, but his brain wasn’t working enough to deliver a proper one. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Whoa</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: whoa?</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Wildman: Yeah</b> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: uh ok</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I know were beautiful but who won</b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> You, duh, </em>he wanted to reply. </p><p> </p><p>but he didn’t. he needed to be normal, not scare her off. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Second picture won</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: WOO</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: okok gimme a second theres more</b>
</p><p> </p><p>there’s <em> more? </em></p><p> </p><p>he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make it through that. </p><p> </p><p>But luckily (or, rather, unluckily,) his door is shoved open. </p><p> </p><p>“yo, why the hell’s it smell so fuggin’ happy in here,” </p><p> </p><p>axe fumbles with his phone, his eye sockets wide, as red bursts in, shit-eating grin spread across his face. </p><p> </p><p>“u- uh, get out-- i’m playing minecraft-” </p><p> </p><p>it’s a meme (a vine?) that tuna once sent him, but for some reason it flashes in his mind and rolls out of his jaw. red blinks and tilts his head. his grin grows. </p><p> </p><p>“you don’t play minecraft,” he grins, “and even if ya did, y’ wouldn’t be so happy. w’tcha lookin at-” </p><p> </p><p>axe glared at the other skeleton and held his phone close to his chest. it buzzed twice more, and did the discord noise as well. red’s brow bones rose. </p><p> </p><p>“textin’ tuna?” </p><p> </p><p>Axe shakes his head too quickly. </p><p> </p><p>come <em> on, </em>red, go awayyy, he wants to look at her some more! </p><p> </p><p>red, instead, stepped forward, hands in his pockets. </p><p> </p><p>“lemme see, axe,” red said, using his nice-but-not-really voice, “i jus’ wanna know what’s gotcha so happy,” </p><p> </p><p>and then something happens that startles the both of them. </p><p> </p><p>axe <em> hisses.  </em></p><p> </p><p>or, perhaps, growl is a better description. </p><p> </p><p>it’s low and deep in the throat, but <em> aggressive. </em></p><p> </p><p>he knows why he growled; he’s always been protective over people he cared for, and, apparently, his SOUL has decided that tuna is worth protecting. </p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>And the picture is <em>his</em></strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>as soon as the sound leaves axe, though, there’s a sudden, awkward silence, and the air of happy is gone, out the window. red blinks, slowly, and takes another step. </p><p> </p><p>“didja jus’ <em> growl </em>at me,” questions red, his smile now contorted into a frown.</p><p> </p><p>there’s voices under them, downstairs. </p><p> </p><p>
  <sub>“ARE THEY FIGHTING ALREADY?” </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub>“i think it’s a record” </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub>“WE SHOULD STOP THEM BEFORE THIS GETS OUT OF HAND” </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub>“probably.” </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>red seems not to hear, and continues to approach, his hands balled into large fists. he’s larger than axe, and wider, too, but axe is much quicker. </p><p> </p><p>they pace, glaring into each other’s eye sockets. </p><p> </p><p>seriously, both of them are terrible at communication.</p><p> </p><p>“i’mma beat yer ass, freakshow. i’m up ‘ere tryna be nice n’ shit n’ you growl at me,” </p><p> </p><p>“You.. barged into my room-” </p><p> </p><p>“YOU BOTH ARE BEING RIDICULOUS,” shouts papyrus, who now stands in the doorway, accompanied by stretch. </p><p> </p><p>with a swipe of his arm, papyrus yoinks red by the back of his turtleneck and raises him into the air. </p><p> </p><p>“oi- put me down, creampuff, ya’ fugg’n--” </p><p> </p><p>“APOLOGISE TO AXE,” paps says, with his sans-or-sans-variant voice. it’s commanding, but not as authoritative as edge’s red-or-anyone-else-below-him voice. </p><p> </p><p>“dun’ wanna,” red grunts, going limp in papyrus’ grip. </p><p> </p><p>Axe gives him a glare. </p><p> </p><p>“just... make him go away… i dont…. want an apology..” </p><p> </p><p>papyrus quirks his head to the side. </p><p> </p><p>“BUT APOLOGIES ARE GOOD?” </p><p> </p><p>“don’t need one,” he insists. The papyruses look at him with confused looks upon their skulls. “busy.” </p><p> </p><p>stretch and paps look at eachother and shrug, walking away and taking red with them. with finality, red gives the finger. </p><p> </p><p>with an odd-looking pout, axe wandered over and shut his door. Slumping against it like a teenage girl, he looked back at his messages, seeing the newer ones from tuna. more skirt pictures. </p><p> </p><p>another one of blue (which he didn’t look at very much) and the one of tuna. </p><p> </p><p>this one is a light brown dark-academia-esque skirt, plaid and longer than the last. it’s tighter than the first one, too, but, oh, equally adorable atop those legs. </p><p> </p><p>this time, the picture was just barely different, showing more of her face, her lips now exposed. they’re plump, the lower one just a little bigger and poutier, and the tiniest fleck of sugar sits on them-- </p><p> </p><p>oh. is he looking too closely? </p><p> </p><p>he probably is. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u there bro</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: yeahyeah sorry I got distracted.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: You won this round too</b>
</p><p> </p><p>he should probably give blue some points, as to not hurt him. </p><p> </p><p>there’s another little pang in his chest as he looks back at the pictures. she looks so happy, so comfortable, so wonderful. he wishes he actually <em> knew </em>her, because, oh, if he did, she’d want for nothing. in a platonic sense, of course, haha--</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: wow rlly </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Yeah of course.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: how many more rounds are there? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: two more! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>ouh, <em> fuck, </em> he wouldn’t survive that. he would dust before the next round because of that little sugared smile. </p><p> </p><p>is... </p><p> </p><p>is he becoming a simp? </p><p> </p><p>whatever that is.. but… is he?</p><p> </p><p>whatever! he is gladly tuna’s biggest simp! </p><p> </p><p>he pokes his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“shut up,” he tells his SOUL, which is screaming at him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>She’s yours!</strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>Go get her! </strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>Look at her smile! That's a love smile right there. </strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>“...said hush.” </p><p> </p><p>All that time starving did something to him. He mostly got over it… but sometimes, some things caused his soul to act more primal than others. such as, apparently, this. her. tuna. </p><p> </p><p>it kinda was funny. once, when he was scrounging for food, there was a ‘seafood’ cookbook in a garbage pile. he gave it to sugar, who often would describe fish dishes. He remembered the tuna dishes being the most enticing. </p><p> </p><p>
  <sub> <strike>Before the undyne incident, that is.</strike> </sub>
</p><p> </p><p>he was snapped out of his thoughts by another two pings from his phone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: round three!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [Sent An Image]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>he chose not to look at either of the pictures this time. this was because he didn’t want to vote for tuna again and make blue sad, and he felt as though if he looked at the pictures again, he’d simp too hard and say tuna won the round again. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: The skeleton won this one </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: What is this contest for? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: so like,, im out and about w my friend and he wants to try on skirts and then he challenges me and thn bam this happened lmao</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Well okay then. Makes sense. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ikr </b>
</p><p> </p><p>he chuckled, his face tugged into a smile. </p><p> </p><p>that made him think…</p><p> </p><p>he didn’t often leave the house because he was terrified of the looks he got when he did, at his head wound, his eye, his teeth. would tuna be scared, too? would she run, or cringe? would she stare and look at him with disgust when she thought he wasn’t looking, then pretend she was fine with him when he did? </p><p> </p><p>she didn’t seem like that kind of person, but with both humans and monsters, you never knew what they were thinking. if they were hostile or not, you’d learn the hard way. </p><p> </p><p>he aggressively shook his head. he needed to get back to simping! </p><p> </p><p>as if it was a gift, he got two more images from tuna. </p><p> </p><p>y’know what, he’d look at this one. just once. </p><p> </p><p>he opened the images, nodding. tuna was much cuter in his eyes, but still, he didn’t vote for her. </p><p> </p><table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td><sub>Much to his soul's chagrin.</sub></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p> </p><table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td><sub><strike>You needed those brownie points!</strike></sub></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Skeleton wins again </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Sorry Tuna lol</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: awwwwww</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: but that's ok! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: the point of the contest was to make him more confident anyways, so a tie is a-ok! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: :DD</b>
</p><p> </p><p>oh, she was such a dear. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Tell him I said he looked like a cool dude</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wildman: You also looked like a cool dude &lt;3</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: 0////0 thank u</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ill make sure to tell him</b>
</p><p> </p><p>he smiled to himself. </p><p> </p><p>he wondered what the rest of her face looked like. </p><p> </p><p>then, a probably-bad idea thrust into his mind. </p><p> </p><table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>
<p><sub><strike>Go to her house</strike></sub></p>
<p> </p>
<p><sub><strike>You know where it is</strike></sub></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p> </p><p>he paused.</p><p> </p><p>he just might do that...</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>…</b>
</p><p> </p><table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>
<p><sub><strike>She wouldn't know</strike></sub></p>
<p> </p>
<p><sub><strike>You can be sneaky</strike></sub></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p> </p><p>yeah, </p><p> </p><p>he can just… visit.</p><p> </p><p>yeah. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HE CAUGHT FEELINGS</p><p>GUYS I THINK HE CAUGHT FEELINGS</p><p>(id like it noted that her thighs only finished the catching-feelings process. it was already in the works before hand but now the deal is sealed. also, yes, Wild/Axe is being creepy. but thats kinda his vibe so shh)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. MolassesCube Has Slid Into The Discord</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone new!!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wanted to call him SugarCube but i figured that was a little too close to his name and plus molasses sounds cuter lmao shut up </p><p>Ft. Me not knowing how to continue from the last chapter bc im dumb and didn't think bout it and also experiencing huge writers block lmfao</p><p>tried to do this chap as best as i could but it wasn't coming to me very well i rewrote this a billion times before i finally gave up and settled on this horrible chapter that i absolutely d e s p i s e u -u ill probably fix it later but right now im just hfsljf;lskdfasldjfajfglsdfgksdjfgsfg yknow</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week had gone by, since you went out with Blue. </p><p> </p><p>You had settled back into your normal routine, though were more wary now. You made sure to carry either your bat or your rifle whenever you went outside, as a precaution, and when you were out at night, had an additional flashlight with you in case the coyotes tried to murder you when it was dark. </p><p> </p><p>But, so far, everything has been fine. </p><p> </p><p>Blue really did scare off three wild animals with the threat of a possible lecture. </p><p> </p><p>The weirdest thing that happened? You would sometimes find your traps set off, or find slight shoe prints embedded in the ground. But, they seemed to be the same size as your boots, so you just crossed it off as you being paranoid. </p><p> </p><p>And who could blame you? There had been a random skeleton show up at your house, and then a few days later, you almost got eaten by coyotes. Any sane person would be positively <em> freaked </em>if that happened to them. And you just so happened to be a sane person. </p><p> </p><p>Things were calm otherwise, until Wild fucking texted in the main chat. That, literally and figuratively, was wild. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I’m adding someone to the chat.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hold up what</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: holy shit hes alive </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: LANGUAGE! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: BUT ALSO, YES, WHAT? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>**MolassesCube Has Slid Into The Discord**</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: omg who dis</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hiiiiii</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: how r uuuu</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>CherryRed: oh </b> <b> <em>wow </em> </b></p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: no1 told me this was happning </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBlueBerry: OMG HI HI HI </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: hi! im okay n.n</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Oh muh goodness they’re already adorable jhkhsdfjsldkfjs</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: u weirdo hes hardly said anything </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: shhh dont question me he’s babey</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Babey? What does that mean</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: OH GOODNESS MY **HEART** </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: CANNOT HANDLE THIS </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: @MolassesCube </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: babey means someone who is pure </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: oh</b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: well that's very nice of you UnflavoredTuna</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: omg omg call me tuna omg </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: are they okay? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I think this is normal.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: THIS DAY KEEPS GETTING BETTER</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ur gonna break her if u keep tlkin wild </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Comedy said i had to stop ‘lurking’ to let Molasses in.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: that term i know</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: What does it mean? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: means you just watch the chat and dont say anything</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I talk sometimes! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: last time you did anything in the main chat was three months ago</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: and that was to react to a post about food</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: It’s worse than i thought</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: I talk to you Tuna</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: PMs don’t count</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @MolassesCube how do you know my boies? Do u live with them too? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Im Wild’s brother! n.n</b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: but i don’t live with them :v</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: OMG WILDS <em>BROTHER????</em></b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: Yeah </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS I COULD HAVE MADE A BETTER FIRST IMPRESSION</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: It was a surprise? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: was just informed by comedy that wild asked him to add molasses about fifteen minutes ago</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: we love sudden impulses to do things </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: isnt that how u live ur life</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yes but shhshshshhshsh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Tuna how do you know these guys? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Oh I was bored &amp; lonely one day and lookin for a discord 2 join </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: and bam here we are </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: huh </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: couldn’t you have gone out? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i live alone n the country so i dont go into town often lol</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: omg do u live on a farm </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah kinda lol </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: yeah  @UnflavoredTuna lets see ur cock</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: omg shut up u creep </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: CHERRY </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: its not a bad word </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: its another word for rooster</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: is this normal </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: YES BUT I WISH IT WASN’T </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: permission to beat cherry up? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Granted</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: wait u cant do tht</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yes i can</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: says who</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: says me </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: nerd</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: @LilBluBerry Tuna’s being mean</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: -.-</b>
</p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT BEING MEAN. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: yes i can </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: CANT</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: im siding with Blu.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: same </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: ^^</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: can confirm cherry is mean </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: did u really just wake up 2 call me mean</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: yeah </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that's how u know ur mean Cherry</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: im not mean im a sweetheart</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: you draw on CEO’s face at least once a week</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: that's not mean that’s funny</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: It Is Not Funny</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: go back to work &gt;.&gt;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCeo: I’m On Lunch. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: jfc</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: language! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: seriously man that’s blus job</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: we got two language cops here </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @ComedyCentral make that a role man lmao</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: bet </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: how come u wake up for Tuna but not for anything else</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: bc tuna is nice </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: omg im not mean </b>
</p><p> </p><p>You were in the process of typing something when your stomach growled. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @Everyone</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: wanna have lunch nerds im fucking hungry</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: LANGUAGE!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Language!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ;n; im sowwy</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: is ok i forgive you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: how come she gets forgiven but not me </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: because she’s not mean </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: im not mean D:&lt;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: and you've only known her for like ten minutes</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: we’ve already established this u nerd </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u r meanest</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: u cant call me mean and then go call me a nerd</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: nerd could be a compliment you never know </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: i dont think nerd is a compliment in this context </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: not a compliment </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ;n; </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: dont worry i still love u </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: what about me </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ilu 2 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ilu all </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: what about me </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: esp u ill protec u until the day i die </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: u've only known him fr 11 minutes thats a little extrem?? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: nah i think its perfectly reasonable 2 protec the babey</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: that's also the definition of babey</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: some1 who needs to be protected </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: see im contractually obligated to protecc </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: what contract?????</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: a contract</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ???????</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: fufufu</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: i gotta go to class now </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: byebye tuna! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: o </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: bye Molasses &lt;3 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: see u later</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: y dont u say goodbye 2 me like that </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: bc ur not babey</b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>mmmmmm untangling this plot was not fun lmao but hey have sweet boi sugar i wanted him to be another babey bc we are lacking in babeys. </p><p>this was just a chapter to introduce sugar hence y its short (also bc of writer block but we dont talk about her) i've got another in the works tho lookit me tryna be productive lol </p><p>please bear with me as i try to get over this rude writers block &lt;3</p><p>have a nice day &lt;3 </p><p>ALSO HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Hanukkah started a couple of days ago so thats awesome. &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Bust Your Kneecaps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a lil farm tour for the bois</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>nice fluffly dorky times (even tho the title says otherwise lmao) </p><p>**ominously**</p><p>dont trust the goats</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Molasses asked you lots of questions about your farm in the upcoming days, more than anyone else had. Eventually, with a little laugh, you got up and into a video call, inviting Molasses and the others to a tour of your place. </p><p> </p><p>You started with the inside, showing off your puppers and kitty. </p><p> </p><p>These three were well-known by the others, but, Molasses, being fresh meat and whatnot, didn’t know your animals. </p><p> </p><p>You got some kind of thrill from showing them off, happy to brag about your beloved pets. </p><p> </p><p>“The fat one, right there,” you point at Chompy, who’s looking at you expectantly, her tail swaying back and forth slowly, “is my baby girl Chompy. I was peer-pressured by the boyes into getting her.” </p><p> </p><p>“suuuree,,” Cherry chuckled. You weren’t actually peer-pressured by them. You had said you were lonely one day, and they all suggested you get a dog. And, well, you got one. Probably not the best reason to get a doggo, but… it worked out in the end, didn’t it? </p><p> </p><p>You point at Flicker now, bringing your phone along with it. The guys can see your finger, and that’s about it. </p><p> </p><p>“dis Flicker. She’s a dog.” </p><p> </p><p>“oh, wow, never woulda thought, tuna. and that thing, with the ears, down there, is that a platypus?” </p><p> </p><p>ah, yes, </p><p> </p><p>Cherry, </p><p> </p><p>The King of dry sarcasm. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, indeed, this is my pet platypus, Charlotte.” </p><p> </p><p>“THAT’S NOT A PLATYPUS, THAT’S A CAT!” Puzzle shouts happily, “I HAVE SEEN THROUGH YOUR TRICKY MIRAGE!” </p><p> </p><p>“Awh, damn, you sure have, buddy,” you chuckle, patting your pets a little, “you’re so smart, dude.” </p><p> </p><p>“NYEH-HEH!” Puzzle laughed heartily, which made your heart feel a little warm. Oh, why were these guys so cute? </p><p> </p><p>You head to the back door, giving Charlotte a final pat on her little fuzzy head-- she looks so much better now-- and gesture for your dogs to follow you outside. You would have gone out the front door on a usual day, but they didn’t need to see your address. That’d be a shitshow. </p><p> </p><p>You shove your feet into your boots, dogs spinning around your feet and phone in hand. You nearly trip but, that’s a normal occurrence around here, innit. Opening the door, you allow your dogs to bound out and onto the porch. Before Chompy could launch herself off the porch to follow Flicker, you lifted her up with a boop to her nose. She attempted to nip your finger, but you were too quicc. </p><p> </p><p>You stepped off the porch and placed the little canine down. As soon as you did, she tore across the half-dead lawn after her taller companion, yapping loudly. You kept your camera on the dogs so that your pals could indulge in their chaotic ways. You heard many voices mingling, chanting and encouraging your dogs, wooting and congratulating them on their speedy-quickness. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, alright, you dorks, calm down. Birds or goats first?” </p><p> </p><p>“BIRDIES!” Blu shouts almost immediately, overpowering the other’s opinions. With a laugh, you headed over to the coop and run, to where the birds resided. The ducks saw you and, when they did, it was all over. They quacked loudly, announcing your presence to the chickens and turkeys, telling them that THE FOOD PERSON IS HERE OMG FOOOOOOOOOODASKJDHKASJFH!!!!</p><p> </p><p>You sighed. </p><p> </p><p>Freakin’ ducks. You were hoping to get by without them demanding food, but, well. That was out of the question, wasn’t it?</p><p> </p><p>The turkeys were now gobbling back and forth at each other, the chickens pacing the fence back and forth, standing- literally- on each other's heads. The bantams stayed back a little, not wanting to get trampled under the bigger chicken’s feet. The ducks stay even farther back. They’re bigger than the chickens, yeah, but <em> phat, </em> and so can’t move out of the way fast enough to escape the stampede of hens. Instead, they just quack quack qUAcK QUACK <em> QUACK </em>--</p><p> </p><p>You peek into the shed, hoping perhaps you still had some mealworms somewhere. </p><p> </p><p>The discord made a little ping noise. </p><p> </p><p>Molasses was like his brother in that he didn’t usually talk in call. Wild would talk if the situation was dire, but you had yet to find out if that was the case with Molasses. You weren’t sure you wanted to find out, though. You looked at the message. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: what do you feed your birds? 0  &gt;0)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You chuckle a little about his little bird emote, but point at the bags you had in the shed. </p><p> </p><p>“Crack corn, layer feed crumble for the hens, foodscraps from the table and then sometimes a handful of these dried mealworms.”  you reach into the container of mealworms and lift them into your hand, showing the dead bugs to the camera. </p><p> </p><p>“okay, first question, kid, <em> crack </em>corn? Isn’t that a drug?” Cherry asks. </p><p> </p><p>“We’ve <em> literally </em> had this conversation before, dude. It’s not drugs. The corn kernels have been dried and cracked for easy eating, you dummy. Second question.” </p><p> </p><p>“how th’ hell ‘r you pickin up them bugs with yer hand? ain’t they nasty?” </p><p> </p><p>“No? If they were nasty, I wouldn’t feed them to the chickens.” </p><p> </p><p>“but they’re <em> bugs!”  </em></p><p> </p><p>“man, wait till you hear what chickens eat, cherry,” chuckles Pianoman, audibly puffing a cancer stick. </p><p> </p><p>“i know what chickens eat, dick--” </p><p> </p><p>“LANGUAGE!” hollers Blu, doing what he does best and interrupting before things get out of hand. </p><p> </p><p>You throw the crunchy mealworms in the direction of the birds, who go running towards the treats wildly, bawking happily. The roosters pick up mealworms and cluck, telling the girls that they have nice snacks, even though the girls completely ignore them and go for the other worms on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>“hey, cherry, look. it’s you and tuna,” pianoman snickers. </p><p> </p><p>“what’s that supposed ta mean, ashtray?” </p><p> </p><p>“what’s it sound like--” </p><p> </p><p>“Both of you stop, because I will fight you,” you challenge. Fighting isn’t at all your strong suit but the threat always works. </p><p> </p><p>“bet!” shouts Cherry. you sigh, roll your eyes, and quickly show the camera the bird. Not the animals, no. the finger. </p><p> </p><p>“rude,” Grunts Cherry, “molasses! blu! tuna jus’ flipped me off!”</p><p> </p><p>“I DIDN’T SEE IT! I CAN’T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT PROOF!” Blu giggles. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: I didn’t see anything either u  .u </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: was looking away</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“you guys ‘r so mean,” Cherry pouts. You laugh aloud, tossing your head back a little. </p><p> </p><p>“Naw,” you grin, “I think that’s you,” </p><p> </p><p>“i am not mean! i’m damn nice an’ you know it! a fuckin’ teddy bear!” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure, sweetheart, sure.” </p><p> </p><p>“CAN WE SEE THE GOATS AND SHEEP NOW? I MISS BELLA!!” </p><p> </p><p>You don’t remember telling Blu your goat’s names… must have said it in passing. You did that a lot, it seems. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, of course, gimme a sec, kiddo,” you laugh, scampering to the back door real quick and calling your doggos, ushering them into the house. Once that’s over with and you no longer have to deal with the doggos causing chaos, you scoot over to the goat fence. </p><p> </p><p>“AH!” Puzzle shouts, “A GATE! HOW MUST WE GET PAST IT? A CODE? A RIDDLE? PERHAPS… A PUZZLE?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you could call it that. Ya unlatch the latch,” you demonstrated the wondrous mystery of latches, “step in,” you follow your own instruction some more, stepping into the enclosure, “and relatch the latch. Puzzle solved!” </p><p> </p><p>“WOWIE! THAT WAS REALLY FAST! ALMOST AS FAST AS ME WITH <em> MY </em>GREAT PUZZLES! NYEH-HEH!” </p><p> </p><p>“I could never be faster than you at your own game, bud.” </p><p> </p><p>“THAT’S RIGHT!!! I <em> AM </em>THE PUZZLE MASTER! NYEH!” </p><p> </p><p>You chuckle. Oh, Puzzle, you sweet, sweet angel child. You perfect disaster. You're too good for this world.</p><p> </p><p>But, interrupting you from your love of Puzzle, comes a goat. </p><p> </p><p>Specifically, Bella the Goat. </p><p> </p><p>You hear her coming before you feel her coming. Her bell jingles and jangles loudly, and her hooves thump on the ground. She bleats a little bit as she bounds over chonkily. You turn to see what the fuss is about and <em> oh fUCK GOODBYE KNEECAPS  </em></p><p> </p><p>She slams her hard skull into the side of your knee, knocking you over swiftly. Your phone flies out of your hand and you go tumbling. Bella, like the sassy jerk she is, stamps her hooves and bleats again, demanding you get up and play with her. Except you no longer haVE KNEES TO PLAY ON---</p><p> </p><p>But the wind was knocked out of you with the absolute <em> fucking semi-truck force </em>she hit you with. You groan and your hands fly to your abused knee, cradling it like a baby. You can hear shouting coming from your phone, as well as a few distinct words. </p><p> </p><p>“you’ve <em> goat </em> to be kidding me.” Pianoman snickers. It’s followed by the sound of something being slapped-- presumably Pianoman-- and more snickering. </p><p> </p><p>“OH NO! TUNA!!! THIS IS NOT A GOAT, THIS IS THE GROUND, SILLY!” Puzzle exclaims, a little exasperated. </p><p> </p><p>“WHY ARE WE LOOKING AT THE FUCKING GROUND I WAS EXPECTING GOATS.” CEO? You didn’t know he was in the call. Huh. Neat. </p><p> </p><p>“shit just <em> goat </em>serious,” grins Cherry. You’re over here dying and this man is making bad goat puns. You love him so much. </p><p> </p><p>“LANGUAGE, CHERRY!!” Blue exclaims. Your phone buzzes. Probably your favorite lurkers. </p><p> </p><p>“My fuckin’ knee- ow--” you groan. </p><p> </p><p>“That must feel <em> baaa </em>d,” snickers, who was that? Comedy? Shit, he was there, too? He sounded half asleep. Which, actually, was normal. He must have heard the sound of puns and been summoned from goodness-knows-where. </p><p> </p><p>“TUNA, I KNOW YOU JUST GOT HURT BUT LANGUAGE--” </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Blu!” You shout, rubbing your knee with a little whimper. </p><p> </p><p>Then, the sound that next graces your ears is… </p><p> </p><p>Not so gracing. </p><p> </p><p>More goats, and a few sheep, have made their way over to investigate the situation, and a few have taken an interest in your phone. They’re pawing- hooving? -- at it with their hooves. Their ears flick about when the hear one of the louder guys speak, trying to pinpoint the location of the noise. They’ve flipped it over and have started sniffing at the screen. Some give the device a lick. </p><p> </p><p>“wow. never been this close to a goat.” putters Pianoman, “kinda personal.” </p><p> </p><p>“THAT ONE’S GOT GRASS IN IT’S MOUTH!” Declares Blu.  </p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea how i <em> goat” - </em>a snicker from many people. You know who those people are -- “here.” </p><p> </p><p>“yo, comedy, what’s a goat’s favorite TV show?” Starts Cherry. </p><p> </p><p>“what?” </p><p> </p><p>“america’s <em> goat </em>talent-” Finishes Pianoman. No matter how much the two may despise each other, they’re in decent sync. </p><p> </p><p>Even though you’re still lying on the ground, you toss your head back in a cackle. Okay. That wasn’t bad. </p><p> </p><p>“WHY IS NO ONE MAKING SURE TUNA IS OKAY?” Demands CEO, with a heavy huff. </p><p> </p><p>“i dunno, boss, cause we <em> ain’t there? </em>” </p><p> </p><p>That sounded… strangely targeted? </p><p> </p><p>With a groan, you got into a sit-up position, throwing your arms forward in order to heft yourself up. Who needs the Gym when you got goats, huh? </p><p> </p><p>You push yourself up off the ground, a hand on your unharmed knee. You glare daggers at Bella, who’s looking at you with a smug goat face. With light, pained gasps, you scootch over to your phone, wincing at the ouchy now on your knee. You pick the device up, keeping the camera pointed at the goats and other hoofed mammals. You inspect it for damage and, thankfully, there is none, save for a new scratch on the case. Otherwise, the only other thing was some goat and sheep slobber, and a tiny blade of dead, brown grass. </p><p> </p><p>“Uhhh,,, y’all got enough goat for today? ‘Cause my knees-- or lack thereof-- sure have.” </p><p> </p><p>Noises of affirmation. </p><p> </p><p>“aight, bet. Gunna go inside and fix up my knees. We can continue the tour a little later, huh?” </p><p> </p><p>“sounds like a plan, stan,” replies Pianoman. </p><p> </p><p>“SILLY, THEIR NAME IS TUNA, NOT STAN! HOW’D YOU GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP?” </p><p> </p><p>“I ‘unno, bro.” He chuckles in response to Tuna. </p><p> </p><p>You close out of the call with a little <em> bloop </em>. </p><p> </p><p>You pocket the device, with intentions to get right back on it as soon as you get back in the house. </p><p> </p><p>“Bella, that was very rude of you,” you chastise the goat as you step out of the fenced-in area, “I would have played if you hadn’t been rude, my darling.” </p><p> </p><p>She <em> Bahhs </em>in displeasure. </p><p> </p><p>You turn and-- wincing-- head back to the house. </p><p> </p><p>The place is warm, and lacking in goats who wish to harm your legs. </p><p> </p><p>And, the couch is soft. You fall on the ancient, floral couch, tucking yourself into the quilt that was draped over the back of the couch. </p><p> </p><p>Your phone buzzed in your pocket. </p><p> </p><p>You pulled it out--</p><p> </p><p>A PM from Molasses?</p><p> </p><p>You opened it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Bella is so cute!! ( ❛ ㅅ❛ U)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Awe! Tank u! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: she’s even cuter when she’s not taking a hit out on my knees</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Most animals are! :D </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: tho</b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: i did wanna ask… </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: y do u live on the farm? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: alone, at that? Aren’t u afraid of getting hurt, more so than your knees did today? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Aw, he was worried? That was cute! </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: well </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i live on the farm bc my gramma left it 2 me in her will, and it’s always been a dream of mine to live on a farm lol</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i live alone,, bc,,, well. I don’t have anyone else to live with lol. Unless u count Charlotte, Chompy and Flicker.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: as for getting hurt… </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: it’s never been a concern of mine. The animals would never intentionally hurt me, i dont think. Well. actually. Chad and Kevin r pretty rude. But other than that? I try to take as many precautions as I can. I properly approach the horses, and i don’t do anything with the cattle alone, i’ll have someone over with me for things like that. But i try 2 respecc the animals boundaries as well. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: dos that make sense? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: does* </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: yeah i guess so… </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: like a uh… mutual understanding, rite? You’re good to them and in return they’re good to you? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: like me and the rest of the boyes. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: they keep me company-- and sane-- and i try to do the same for them! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Haha! That’s a good way of putting it! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: but,,, speaking of. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: how’d u get tangled up with them? They’re not exactly the most agreeable bunch,, </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: sowwy for asking so many questions .n.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: awweee &gt; 3&lt; its ok </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: it’s always good to ask questions, Molasses</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: but, well. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i was really, really lonely when i first moved to the farm. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: there was no one but me, and it was so quiet. Haunting, y’know. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: going into town for social interaction… wasn’t rlly an option, bc i dont like spending a ton of time away from home, and the drive into town is at the least thirty ish minutes. And then theres also gas. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: which is why i got onto discord in the first place, to find pals and stuff. Social interaction w/ out the price! </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I found Comedy in a pun server and well</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: it escalated from there lmao. The guys rlly grew on me </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: even Wild? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: especially him</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: he’s fun to talk to, even if he doesn’t talk back much. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: Im glad he talks back, even just a little </b>
</p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: he’s a mega lurker :P</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hey ur kinda a lurker 2</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: nuh uh! I talk more than him! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: yeah but then yesterday the only thing u said was ‘pie’</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: I get it from Wild ok </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: surrrrrrrre </b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>towards the end of the chapter... i felt i needed to give an explanation for making Reader live on a farm and have a discord... bc in the beginning, when this fic was jus a bby in my mind, i had no real reasoning lol;; and then i was kinda doubting myself and thinking it was dumb but whatever i do what i want rite </p><p>i also feel like Sugar/Molasses would b really really inquisitive </p><p>like a cat or smthn lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Disney Plus And GOD DAMMIT AXE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>u.u how fun you're seeing things..... or are you?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OKAY. </p><p>SHUT UP JACK AND SALLY ARE BAE SHUT UP</p><p>the fact i even USED that world shows how far my love goes. </p><p>also, theres a mention of a rifle. it's not used or anything, just kinda there. theres ur warning my loves. &lt;3</p><p>Tumblr A La FrogHatt,<br/><a href="https://froghatt.tumblr.com/">https://froghatt.tumblr.com/</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rest of the day was spent relaxing on your couch, Charlotte on your chest, purring away. You spent that time watching YouTube, texting the bois, and watching Criminal Minds on Netflix (while simultaneously watching Minecraft Letsplays) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, eventually, that has to come to an end. You still have your nighttime chores to deal with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s dark, but you can see just well enough to get where you need to go. Your first stop, like in the mornings, in the chicken coop. You look in and count your chickens and ducks and other birdies, making sure they’re all good. You give a duck a pat on the back and close the door, latching it shut and giving it a pat to make sure it’ll hold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You move on. Unlike in the mornings, you don’t have to do anything with the goats. The cows are also something you don’t have to worry about. So you can move on to the horses. You step into the pasture, taking the lead from it’s hook on the side of the stall building, and head over to the big animals. Apples and Nugget are standing together, sides touching, watching the woods. Nugget stomps her hooves and huffs defensively, staring out into the treeline. Apples is behind her a bit, pawing at the ground nervously. You look and… you don’t see anything. There is no noise, no movement coming from the woods. You quirk your brow and place a hand on the back of your stallion’s thick neck, cooing softly at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Apples has always been a bit shy and nervous, and has always looked to Nugget for protection-- even though he’s a few hands taller and a couple hundred pounds heavier than the dainty brown-and-white mare. Because of this, you loop the lead to Nugget’s halter, and, hoping Apples will follow, begin to coax her into the stalls. When she stiffens against you, you’re quick to comfort her, petting her soft nose and muttering to her, telling her it’s fine. You look at the woods again, slightly nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nothing was there, was it? You look around the horse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t handle anything else right now. Please, let there not be any coyotes or skeletons in the woods. Please, please, please. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, you continue to coax your horses into their stalls, carefully and slowly, continuously talking to them both, guiding Nugget into her stall and telling Apples that, no, he was not allowed to share a stall, he’s too big and that Nuggets isn't allowed to have any boys sleep over. He huffs and slowly goes into his stall. You latch it shut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When you turn to leave, you see something blurry and… red.. out of the corner of your eye. It disappears quickly. You raise your brows and take a step towards where you saw the light. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was probably your anxiety playing tricks on you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, just in case, you shouted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“IF THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE, I’D LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE TRESPASSING ON PRIVATE PROPERTY, AND IF YOU DO NOT VACATE YOUR HAPPY LIL’ ASS AWAY FROM HERE I WILL NOT HESITATE, BITCH” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hesitate to do what, you may ask. Well. A mystery that hopefully, the possible intruder will not solve. And also, equally hopefully, a mystery you aren’t a part of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Latching the doors to the horse stalls, you sigh and give the animals final good-night pats on their noses. You pad away, and you </span><em><span>swear </span></em><span>you see that red light again. But you can’t tell. It’s… kind of making you nervous. You have a solution for that. A perfect remedy.</span> A nice<span> movie night with the guys. A perfect ending to a good day, and a way to get your mind off of the possible creeper. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as you get in the house, you make a line for your bedroom, lifting your muddy shirt and pants off. You must’ve gotten them dirty when you were dealing with the birds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You drop your shirt off into the wicker basket, shuffling to your dresser to collect some shorts. And maybe a shirt, if you had the motivation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You pulled on some raggedy, bleach-stained shorts and stuck them on. You pulled your phone out of your sweatpant pockets-- thank goodness you did, you didn’t need your phone to be tossed in the wash, again-- and jumped on your bed, bouncing a little on the mattress. You curled up against the tuna plush Charlotte sooned joined you, with a little squeaky, broken meow. You pop into another Discord call. CEO, Cherry, and Pianoman all join in relatively quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“how’re yer knees, tuna?” asks Cherry, with a little chuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re fine. Bruised, but alright. Glad that CEO made no puns about their injury. Love ya, CEO,” you make a smooch noise, “also lovin’ the giant fish. He’s a great pillow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OF COURSE,” He replies, sounding just the teensiest bit smug, "I ADORE YOU AS WELL, TUNA," </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yo, cherry, i think tuna found her new datemates. you lose.” Pianoman grins-- you can tell because he sounds like he’s smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“man, but i’m so much better than a giant tuna stuffie. and my bro.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah. This tuna fish, you see, he doesn’t build giant dicks in minecraft. And CEO, well. Do I even have to explain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“heh. I got some reasons for ya, kiddo,” Pianoman huffs. You don’t exactly catch it, so you don’t ask.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“aw, that's no </span>
  <em>
    <span>fin</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Cherry pouts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was terrible.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i’d like to see you do </span>
  <em>
    <span>betta</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, i’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>school</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, Cherry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you guys sure this is the best </span>
  <em>
    <span>plaice</span>
  </em>
  <span> for this?” Pianoman asks. You could hear the grin in his voice, still. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was a good one,” you laugh, habitually covering your mouth with your knuckles, even though no one was there (in theory), “but, aside from giant stuffed fish being superior in every way to Cherry, you guys wanna watch a movie?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“is there some kind of special occasion?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah. Just wanted to end the day on a positive note.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You heard the other skeletons chuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You didn’t tell them that there might also be some creeper on your property. Didn’t want them to worry after being so happy for you all day. They didn’t need that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“that’s cute, Tuna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn rite. I’m fuccin adorable.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YOU KNOW BLU WOULD FLIP SHIT HEARING YOU CURSE SO OFTEN.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you hold that over my head,” you warn, “because you just cussed, too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE HOLDS NO POWER OVER ME,” he rumbles. Man, this guy could </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill </span>
  </em>
  <span>with that voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“and ‘e holds power over tuna?” Red asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“BLU </span>
  <em>
    <span>IS </span>
  </em>
  <span>THE LANGUAGE POLICE, LET ME REMIND YOU.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You saying that you don’t listen to police?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’M SAYING IM BETTER THAN THE POLICE. IT’S NOT HARD.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Blu’s pretty cool!” you squeak, defending your pal, “but, anywhosies, movie time?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“oh, hell yeah,” Pianoman chuckles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm…. Nightmare Before Christmas?” you suggest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“is this because it’s december?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will watch that movie in </span>
  <em>
    <span>June</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you very much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“now das commitment,” Cherry snickers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“it’s the best movie </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever.</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Jack? Jack, woo! Jack can be </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>king, if he wants. So can Sally.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i can’t tell if you’re being a simp or kinky.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Imagination~” you purr. Truthfully, you have no idea. Jack is Chaotic Good and that is a major, </span>
  <em>
    <span>major </span>
  </em>
  <span>attractant. Who doesn’t love a skeleton who tries to do good and inadvertently traumatizes several hundred young children? You sure do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’re opening your phone’s Netflix app when you </span>
  <em>
    <span>swear </span>
  </em>
  <span>your see that red light again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You spring up, your bed creaking at the sudden movement, and dart to the windows, peering out into the night. You can see the outline of the shed and the coop, but no figure or anything. No one’s there. Maybe you’re just going crazy. Yeah… that’s… yeah. That’s it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You place a hand over your chest, sighing heavily and willing your beating heart to slow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you alright there, kiddo?” asks Pianoman, sounding a bit worried. You sigh again and give a chuckle, brushing it off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m alright,” you assure, stroking Charlotte’s fluffy fur, “just thought I saw something. I didn’t, though, so it’s all good.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“saw somethin’? what did ya think you saw?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“some kinda round light. It’s no big deal, though, really, you guys don’t need to worry, I promise. There’s nothing there, and besides, I’m getting my rifle. So if something tries anything, I’m prepared.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doing what you claimed, you pad into the hallway and into the living room, opening a cabinet, where your .22 was currently hiding. It wasn’t the biggest weapon, but hopefully the possible intruder didn’t know that. You hold it by the barrel and carry it into your bedroom. You sigh a little, thinking you must look like the biggest redneck- no offense-- in the world right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“sure hope it ain’t that skeleton again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Naw,” you replied, “this light was bigger and fatter than his. It’s just my imagination, I promise, Cherry.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hums to himself, but it sounds more like a throaty growl. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“hey, sweetheart, I’s gotta go take care ‘a somethin’ real quick. you care holdin’ on real quick?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” you chuckle, “no problem. Nightmare Before Christmas is on Didney Plus anyways, so i gotta find it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“alright. be right back, don’t go anywhere, darlin’” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you won’t know If I do,” you roll your eyes, but get comfortable on your bed. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p>
  <span>POV: RED THE DUDE</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>he closed out of the call and tossed his phone onto his bed, hefting himself up from the mussed sheets. he made his way over the tornado of socks, papers, old mustard bottles and cheez- it boxes, and out his door. from there, he shuffled to axe’s room at the end of the hall. not bothering to knock, like usual, he pushed it opened and stepped in. the hermit was nowhere to be seen, as he suspected. he snarled aloud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>how was </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>the only one actually doing what he’s told? this is some bullshit, he’s callin' it right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>down the hall he goes, not very fast, but fast enough to where he looks like he’s got a plan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he bursts into classic’s room, all but kicking open the door. he flicks on the light switch-- and surprisingly, the light works. his stopped working ages ago when he threw a chair at the fixture. classic fumbles in his bed, grumbling and grunting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i’m up paps, im up, waddya want-- you’re not papyrus.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“damn right i ain’t papyrus, vanilla. i got sum shit ta break to ya. got the muh’fuckin tea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“can’t this wait?” the once-comfortably-sleeping skeleton groans, burying his skull into his mattress. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“not at all, man! ‘cos axe is at tuna’s an’ is scarin the fuck outta her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i know.” sans sighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“uh-huh. ‘es been goin over fer like. a coupla days, actually.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“an’ ya didn’t do nuthin’ about it!?” red questioned, throwing his hands up into the air, causing his collar to jingle with his movements. stretch had put a gyftmas bell on it the other day and he was still unable to get it off, “yer jus’ lettin’ it happen??” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yuh. i’m not messin’ with that guy. he’d tear my face off before i could say a word.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you know that ain’t true, classic, ya shit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the blue-clad skeleton sighs, and turns around in his bed. he glances at red with forever-tired sockets, white eyelights miniscule. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“even if i told ‘im not to go t’ her, he’d go anyways. you c’n talk to him bout bein creepy, tho. you’re well-versed in the subject.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>red snarls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ain’t creepy,” he pouts, folding his large arms in front of his chest, “but i </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a talk wit him when he comes home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you have fun with that, bud,” sans grunts, snuggling into his sheetless, blanketless mattress. “turn off the light when ya leave.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and red did the complete opposite of that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he turned on his heel, leaving the door wide open and the light on. he heard sans groan loudly as he stumped down the stairs, something being thrown, a curse, and loud snoring. in that order. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>stretch was sprawled out on the couch, legs wide open and taking up as much space as skeletonly possible. he was chatting with tuna about how hot sally was. she was agreeing profusely with every one of his points, which mainly included the stop motion figure’s legs. fuckin’ weirdos. red shuffled past the ashtray, who raised a single brow in question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>what?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he was gonna need some mustard for this stakeout. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pushes to the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a butt ton of the tangy yellow condiment, piling the ‘drink’ into his arms. he makes his way back to the living room. He frees a hand and snatches up stretch’s phone. ashtray complains, but doesn’t attempt to take the device back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“hey, sweetheart, cherry ‘ere. somethin’ came up an’ i ain’t gon’ be able to make it tuh th’ movie night. you ‘ave fun an’ chill wit’ the cigarette disposal o’er here tho, got it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the girl whines. heh. he’d like to make ‘er whine a little, one day. wait! he was supposed to be the not creepy one, here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Awww, but I wanted to watch with you, Cherry. You sure you can’t make it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HE CAN. WHATEVER HE’S DOING, I’M SURE IT CAN WAIT,” Edge says from the other end of the call. He doesn’t even know where that bastard is but he still messes shit up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“no, it can’t wait, boss,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’M TELLING YOU IT CAN WAIT, YOUNG MAN. NOW, WATCH THE MOVIE WITH TUNA OR I WILL SEE TO IT YOU NEVER WATCH A MOVIE AGAIN.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, he doesn’t have to watch the movie if he doesn’t want to.” tuna tries to say. quickly, Edge puts on his smooth-talker voice and assures that he’ll take care of whatever red has to deal with and that the ‘lazy trashbag’ can watch the movie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>red growls under his breath again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“boss,” red warns. though, warnings could mean less to edge. especially coming from him, “first, ‘m older than y’, an’ secon--”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“CHERRY.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>his voice is closer now. he’s at the top of the stairs, clicking down and pulling on his red gloves. stretch yoinks his phone back, mutters an apology to tuna, and mutes himself. edge apologises to her as well, saying he has to tend to red’s/cherry’s ‘task’ and exits the call himself. he approaches his brother, looking down at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I AM AWARE OF AXE’S ACTIONS. I WILL GO RETRIEVE HIM FROM THE HUMAN’S PROPERTY. WHAT HE’S DOING IS WRONG.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“but you did th’ same thing, dick,” red points out. edge coughs into a sharp fist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“SANS HAD A CHAT WITH ME AND INFORMED ME OF THAT AS WELL.” His face was just a little crimson, which he covered by looking away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“wow. not as if y’ didn’t already know that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“RED, SNAP YOUR TRAP. I AM LEAVING. I WILL RETURN SHORTLY, HOPEFULLY WITH AXE. IN THE MEANTIME, WATCH THE MOVIE WITH TUNA. AND, IF SHE SEES EITHER OF US, COMFORT HER.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>stretch sighs and tosses an arm over his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i </span>
  <em>
    <span>guess </span>
  </em>
  <span>i can watch a movie with tuna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“MAKE SURE THIS DOOFUS DOES THE SAME, STRETCH,” ‘CEO’ responds, flicking the lazy version of himself on the nose bone. sus, but okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>edge is soon gone and out the door, leaving his shorter-but-older brother in his wake with stern warnings not to follow. red huffs and flops down on the couch, causing mr. lanky to bounce up a little, eliciting an annoyed grunt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>red ignores his complaints, digs the remote from the abyss that is the crack of the couch, and turns on Didney Plus. stretch unmutes himself in the process, purring an apology to their friend. how the hell can </span>
  <em>
    <span>these </span>
  </em>
  <span>guys flirt without being called creepy? made no sense, whatsoever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Cherry with you?” she asks. the rumbling purr of charlotte can be heard, too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strike>
    <span>he wants her to pet him too. </span>
  </strike>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yes ma’am, right here,” he says, trying to locate the movie on the streaming site without having to search it. he hates trying to type on the tv. luckily, it’s under ‘holiday specials’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“y’ ready, fish girl?” stretch asks, balancing his device precariously on the arm of the couch. she squeaks happily-- another thing he’d like to make her do,-- and confirms enthusiastically, that ‘yes, fuck yes, i’m ready, give it to me’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>which sounds strangely lewd… but nevermind that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>they’re halfway through the movie, when the door opens, edge standing with an ashamed-looking Axe dangling from his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“im a bad simp,” pouts the freaky skeleton. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will do anything for Jacc the Pumpkin King and i S I M P for Sally you CANNOT STOP ME I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM </p><p>also consider this ur holiday special kids. Happy halloween. </p><p>&lt;3</p><p>Edit: </p><p>Forgot to tell u guys to have a nice day! So: Have a nice day!!!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! &lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Bad Simps and Condiments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You discuss condiments with your favorite boies, among other things</p><p>shorter chapter, but i promise the next one will be longer;; this one is kinda trash but hey i tried</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HHHHHHH WRITERS BLOCK IS A BITCH OH MY LORD IM SO SORRY</p><p>Life got the best of me;;; sorry guys;;;;;;; ;; ; ; </p><p>I have a tumblr, by the way! </p><p>
  <a href="https://froghatt.tumblr.com/">https://froghatt.tumblr.com/</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The movie night returned to normal, in time. Well. Ish. Cherry had a specific, rough rumble to his voice, more than usual anyways, like he had just got done yelling, and he was real huffy, too, and kept muting himself, on and off. Pianoman kept playing it off as him being dumb, and a ‘lack of mustard’ but you felt like there was… something more going on. You partially wanted to pry, but you also felt you needed to respect your friend’s privacy. </p><p> </p><p>You wouldn’t like them needing you about your life, anyways. But… still. Ever since Pianoman got grumpy at you at one time, you’d been a little nervous and sensitive to even the slightest changes of emotion. </p><p> </p><p>“You alright, there, Cherry?” you ask, pausing the movie. It really showed how much you were worried about your pal. You hardly paused Nightmare Before Christmas for anyone. </p><p> </p><p>“mm.” Cherry grunts, shuffles, mutes, unmutes, shuffles, shuffles-- what the hell is he doing? A dance?-- he shuffles some more--</p><p> </p><p>Pianoman audibly whacks him. </p><p> </p><p>“the lady asked you a question, dude,” he grunts------ what is with it with these guys and talking like cavemen all of a sudden??</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, I was just a little worried.” </p><p> </p><p>Cherry sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“naw,” more shuffling, the sound of a hoodie zipper zipping and unzipping, “‘s what ashtray over ‘ere said. ain’t no mustard in the fridge.” </p><p> </p><p>“Do you, like, need mustard for a sandwich, or something? Because you can just go to the corner store and get some.” </p><p> </p><p>“don’ wanna,” he sighs, “an’ besides, who calls it a corner store? ‘s fuckin’ walmart.” </p><p> </p><p>“Honey,” you chuckle, “I haven’t been there in <em> years. </em>The corner store is where it’s at, anyways. Walmart doesn’t have honey sticks, y’know.” </p><p> </p><p>“honey sticks?” Pianoman suddenly sounds a whole lot more interested in the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“uh-uh. Lil straws filled with honey. They come in different flavors, too. Locally sourced and the whole nine. Sometimes you can get little chunks of comb in the sticks, if you're lucky.” </p><p> </p><p>“ya better shush over there, sweetheart, yer makin’ music man over here salivate.” </p><p> </p><p>“Over… honey? They’re delicious, yeah, but it’s just honey.” </p><p> </p><p>“wha’ c’n i say? ‘es a weirdo.” </p><p> </p><p>“you drink mustard, cherry,” Pianoman deadpans. </p><p> </p><p>“hey--” Cherry begins to try to explain himself, but you interrupt way before then. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, wait, wait wait wait, hold up, wait a minute, hold the phone, Cherry, you drink <em> mustard </em>? The condiment? What I put on my turkey sandwich? What I put in my deviled eggs?” </p><p> </p><p>“uhhhh... yeah?” Cherry asks, though says it more like a statement, as if it’s obvious. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Cherry,” </em> you hiss, “it’s <em> mustard </em> , <em> you don’t drink mustard, it’s not soda pop,”  </em></p><p> </p><p>“well i know that--” </p><p> </p><p>“But you still <em> drink it.”  </em></p><p> </p><p>“well-- hey, campfire breath over ‘ere drinks <em> honey, </em>” </p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you two, holy shit, drinking honey and mustard??” </p><p> </p><p>“hey, honey is delicious,” Pianoman rumbles. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t drink honey, though! You put it like, on a nutella sammich, or on ice cream, or something like that! Not straight down your gullet” </p><p> </p><p>“some weirdos also put honey on their bodies,” Cherry points out. </p><p> </p><p>“You better fuckin not.” You warn, “I’m not gonna listen to anyone complaining about honey making them sticky.”</p><p> </p><p>“sugatits, you can get sticky from a whole lot more th’n jus’ honey.” </p><p> </p><p>You give a blink, staring at your device with a look that most definitely surpasses the laws of time and space as next Cherry mutters,</p><p> </p><p>“dontcha lookit me like that. ‘s true”</p><p> </p><p>You give the loudest sigh you can muster. </p><p> </p><p>“Both mustard and honey have been ruined for me now. Thanks, guys,” you say, in the most sarcastic tone ever. Cherry and Pianoman simply chuckle mirthfully. </p><p> </p><p>But he still hasn’t answered the question.</p><p> </p><p>“But…” you begin, “is everything alright? Really? Just a lack of mustard?” </p><p> </p><p>“mm,” Cherry confirms. The answer is a little shorter than what you’d prefer but, hey, you’ll take what you can get. It’s better than nothing, and definitely much better than listening to your favorite idiots chatter about drinking miscellaneous condiments. </p><p> </p><p>Soon, you turn to the movie once again, pressing play. Jack is in the process of singing “What’s This?” </p><p> </p><p>You, of course, sing along, like any normal person. </p><p> </p><p>Except the lyrics are a tad different. </p><p> </p><p>“The Fuck? The Fuck? There’s white shit in the air.” You’re sure to sing in the worst, lowest, and most jack-skellington voice you can muster. </p><p> </p><p>Cherry joins in, though he obviously doesn’t know the lyrics very well. You guys are singing your own version of the song when you overhear a door opening. Cherry cuts himself off abruptly from the sing-along. </p><p> </p><p>Muffledly, you hear: </p><p> </p><p>“im a bad simp” in a recognisable, deep voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Yoo,” you grin, running your fingers though Charlotte’s soft floof, “Wild’s simping? For who? And how do you simp badly? Hey--” an idea flashes in your mind, “I can teach him how to be a good simp,” </p><p> </p><p>“Naw,” Cherry mumbles, shifting from wherever he sits, “‘es fine. talk to ya in a second, tuna. ashtray over here can keep watchin’ the movie wit’ ya.” </p><p> </p><p>“but-” Pianoman begins to complain, but is shut up, for reasons unbeknownst to you. </p><p> </p><p>You hear him shuffle and mute himself, then unmute himself. </p><p> </p><p>“‘m back. in my room, now.” </p><p> </p><p>“how’d you get to your room so quickly? Can you like, teleport, or something?” </p><p> </p><p>“something like that,” he chuckles. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>axe is hanging limp in edge's hand, like a droopy flower, his hood clutched by edge’s sharp fingers, pouting. edge himself has his other hand on his hip, looking at the large skeleton with a condescending stare. </p><p> </p><p>stretch had since shortcutted to his room, taking his phone and thus Tuna’s ears with him. he had wanted to complain about being left out of the conversation, but a few glares shut him up quite efficiently. </p><p> </p><p>red had an underlying feeling that he was making Tuna worried.. but what else could he do? there was no way he could let her know that axe’s dumbass was stalking her. then, she’d hate them all. and, besides, her being a little worried was better than her being scared in her own home because of axe’s actions. </p><p> </p><p>he looked over the hermit of a skeleton, who was just dangling there, waiting for the others to speak. it was clear he knew he’d fucked up, since he wasn’t trying to escape edge’s grip. and, plus, if axe didn’t want to be caught, he wouldn’t be caught. by edge, at least. </p><p> </p><p>red’s brother plopped axe onto the couch and took a step back. he took a careful seat in one of the reclining chairs that dotted the living room, crossing his legs at the knee, and his arms over his chest. </p><p> </p><p>red readjusted himself, stretching over the arm of the couch. his spine made multiple popping sounds as he bent back, a groan-growl noise rumbling from what would be called his throat, if he had one. </p><p> </p><p>axe took over at least two of the couch cushions when sitting normally. red took over just about one and a half, when sitting like normal, but with the position he had decided to assume, he could have taken up the entire couch. he pushed his sock-clad feet into axe’s femur, feeling it fine to mess with the hulking skeleton for the time being. </p><p> </p><p>axe bore his slightly crooked teeth just a little at red, knotting his brow, but made no movement to push the fell monster away. </p><p> </p><p>“so, axe,” red grumbled, tucking his arms behind his skull, “how’d you even find tuna?” </p><p> </p><p>as if on cue, both stretch and tuna started singing at once, “Kidnap The Sandy Claws” </p><p> </p><p>“easy,” rumbled axe, trying to scoot away from red’s feet, “google.” </p><p> </p><p>“CARE TO ELABORATE?” questioned edge, bouncing the tip of his toe in the air, with a hint of impatience. </p><p> </p><p>“no.” he replies simply. </p><p> </p><p>red waved a hand in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“whatever, that don’t matter anyways,” he grunts, sitting up a tad and looking axe in the eyelight, “why’d y’ go o’er there?” </p><p> </p><p>his eyelight fuzzled and unfuzzled, like a rifle’s scope, before he tore it away from the other. axe looked at the wall adjacent to the couch. </p><p> </p><p>“wan’ed to see ‘er” </p><p> </p><p>“THAT DOESN’T MATTER, AXE,” Edge grunted, leaning forward a bit. </p><p> </p><p>axe muttered under his breath in acknowledgement. </p><p> </p><p>He knew it didn’t matter, he did, he knew he should be expecting Tuna’s privacy, but-- he just--- something told him, <em> demanded </em>he go to her. He needed to be near her so bad, even just of a little, even if he didn’t see her, he just-- fuck. He was being creepy again. Dammit. He set his skull in his hand. His fingers snuck into his dead socket and gave it a tug. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, seriously,” you asked, leaning back into your pillows, “do you really drink honey?” </p><p> </p><p>“yeah. ‘s that really so hard t’ believe?” </p><p> </p><p>“i mean, kinda,” you hum, “but not as hard to believe as Cherry drinking mustard.” </p><p> </p><p>“then you’ll be glad to know that comedy drinks ketchup. none of the others really have drinks to themselves. wild will sometimes drink a lil ketchup, but he’s more interested in eating.” Pianoman says thoughtfully, “CEO and Puzzle don’t drink a whole lot.” </p><p> </p><p>You splutter. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, seriously,, I’m gettin’ worried, why the <em> hell </em>do y’all drink condiments?” </p><p> </p><p>“They taste good?” Pianoman suggests with a little chuckle. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay… yeah, I guess, but... how did you even start drinking honey in the first place? And Cherry drinking Mustard? Who decided that was a good idea?” </p><p> </p><p>“uh,,,” Pianoman shuffled, “I can’t remember, honestly. jus kinda happened one day?” </p><p> </p><p>“Hmmmmmmm…” you hum, tapping your chin, “im willing to risk saying that it was probably a bet you guys lost.” </p><p> </p><p>“well,” Pianoman snickers, “<em>i</em> bet you won’t.” </p><p> </p><p>“Won’t what?” </p><p> </p><p>“drink some honey. or mustard. or ketchup, for that matter.” </p><p> </p><p>You pause. </p><p> </p><p>“is that… a challenge?” you ask, slowly. Your urge to dominate all possible challenges rose in your blood. </p><p> </p><p>“yep,” Pianoman confirmed. A grin swept across your face. </p><p> </p><p>“Bet. I'll drink all three. A whole bottle of each.”</p><p> </p><p>“wow. okay. really?” </p><p> </p><p>“Heck yeah, nerd,” you laugh, “I’ll ask CEO when his next day off is. It’ll be a group thing.” </p><p> </p><p>“pfft. alright then, you weirdo. i'll be there. ” </p><p> </p><p>“You love me~” you singsong, just as Jack launches into another musical number, crowing about Making Christmas. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>make sure to have a nice new years and a nice day, as well! &lt;3 &lt;3</p><p>visit my tumblr, too! the username is FrogHatt (two t's!!!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Going Absolutely Feral.... For Friendship!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the awaited condiment-drinking chapter! have some chaos!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ow my FINGERS. </p><p>when i wrote the first draft of this chapter, it was 4200 words on the dot. but i had to grammar check it and the wordcount changed so ofc, me being the mental age of a fuckin 13 year old child, fixed it to be 4369. not as good as 4200, but good enough.</p><p>Minor Edits Made 3/4/21</p><p>come look at my tumblr! </p><p> <a href="https://froghatt.tumblr.com/">https://froghatt.tumblr.com/</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ok im goin to the store</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: wy? </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: for the Challenge, bro. gotta get full bottles of the stuff </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: o</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: make sure 2 git the monstr kind. hits harder. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hits harder? Bro theyre condiments</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: oh youll see </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: are u really gonna do it??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: frick yeah </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i cant back down from a challenge, man</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Perhaps You Should Learn.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: naaaw </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that’s no fun. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: ...And Drinking Condiments Is? </b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>UnflavoredTuna: its the </b> <b> <em>Challenge, </em> </b> <b>man</b></p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: if i didnt do this, my honor would be at stake </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: cant have that man</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: Honor? u? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: funny shit rite there ;P</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: shut up nerd i got more honor than you </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: also, langauge</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: nah uh</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i got th most honor here sweetcheeks</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: I think CEO would disagree</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: eh</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: his opinion dont matter</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Come Over Here And Say That, Cherry.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: cant</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: srry</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: [condesendingpout.GIF]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>CEO doesn’t seem to notice the name of the GIF Cherry decided to use, which made you giggle a little harder than you probably should have. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: As I Thought. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Y’all be good til i get to the store </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @CherryRed</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: but that's a long time </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: idk if i cn do it tuna</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: you better</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: or ur not invited to the challenge.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ;n;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ;;n;;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im sure you dont have that many eyes</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ;;;n;;;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that's it,,</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: wait wait i take it back jkahdskjdhk</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: youd  better &lt;3</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: alright brbrbrbrb</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You closed out of the app and slid the phone into the back pocket of your jeans, giving a stretch before peeling yourself off of the couch. You yawned a bit before shuffling over to the front door. Charlotte hopped down from the couch and attempted to follow, but you just shook your head and picked her up, holding her in your arms as you slid your feet into your boots. You plucked your keys off the little chicken-shaped keyholder and twirled them around your pointer finger. Placing Charlotte on the back of the couch, you pat your pockets- <em> Wallet, Keys, Phone, Brain, </em>yep. All there. You scurry out the door with a final wave to your pets. </p><p> </p><p>The chickens tried to ambush you, but you were quicker than them. You jumped into your truck and keyed the engine, honking the horn twice to get the birds away from the vehicle. As they scampered away, you backed down the driveway. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>You pulled into the small parking lot of the equally small grocer’s, turning off your wonderful music. You hopped out of the truck with a little grunt, pulling your phone from your pocket. Heading in, you shot your boys another text. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: okkkk </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: im at the store</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: remind me to get the monster kind</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: get the monster kind</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: You Probably Don’t Want The Monster Kind. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: just woke up</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: def get the monster kind</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ok thx bros</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ur the best</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: &lt;3 </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i know ;p</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: dork </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: u love me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [eyeroll.GIF] </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: cya in a sec ;p</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You give a chuckle and pad into the grocers, giving a wave to the owner, who sat at one of the registers, slipping a green plastic basket onto your arm.</p><p> </p><p>You scampered to the back, where the condiments were kept, looking up and down for the monster brands. </p><p> </p><p>“Heinz… fancy organic kind…. Vegan ket-- isn’t ketchup already vegan?” you paused to pick up the vegan ketchup, gave it a confused once-over, and set it back down. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: is ketchup vegan??????</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @ComedyCentral</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: @ComedyCentral</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: he’s still asleep lol</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: probably doesn’t even know tbh</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: i can wake him up 4 u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: u’ve already done that like five times this week do u want 2 be dusted??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: he’s fineee puzzle wakes him up all th time</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: that's bc he can </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: + its tuesday</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: shshshshshhshshsh nerd </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: stop using math </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: babe tht wasnt math </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ilu but that was the complete opposite of math, sweetheart</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: it involved #s that means it was math </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: …. Not at all</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: yer just a nerd </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: sure sure &lt;3 </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Looking up from your phone, you <em> finally </em>came across some monster-brand ketchup. Its in a smallish bottle, which you’re glad for, but it’s somehow more expensive than the fancy organic human-brand ketchup. You sighed at that fact-- you knew for a fact it didn’t take too much to properly make monster foods, but, well, y’know. Capitalism. Racism. That bullshit. You picked up the bottle and put it in your lil basket for safekeeping. Now for mustard! Lucky for you, its right above the ketchup. You pick up a monster mustard and stick it into your basket, letting it fall onto the other condiment bottle with a light bonk. </p><p> </p><p>You assume honey is going to be with the rest of the honey, so you pad to the dessert section (the owner was kind of old and halfway didn’t know what he was doing, and so organised really weirdly.) </p><p> </p><p>There were a lot more kinds of honeys than mustards and ketchups. A lot of them were local, with those little stirry sticks, or big crunchy chunks of comb, or in a glass mason jar with a little piece of fabric tied with a piece of twine on top. Despite this, though, there was only <em> one </em> brand of monster honey. That <em> kind of </em> made sense? Like, was it made by monster bees? Or magic bees? Magic monster bees? You didn’t know. You picked up a bottle and stuck it in your basket. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: okay almost done</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: i just need some pepto and ill be good.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: pepto? Fuckin weak bro </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: fight me i have a very sensitive tummy</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: who says tummy anymore????</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: me, nerd &gt;.&gt;</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: dont worry tuna i still love u</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: even if u still say tummy unironically </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: see</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: I SAY TUMMY UNIRONICALLY SOMETIMES</b>
</p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: BECAUSE ITS A FUN WORD</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ofc u do</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: nuthin</b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: [smug.GIF]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: man Cherry u r just a rat 2day lmao </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ruuuude </b>
</p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: bulllyyyyy</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: no u</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You grinned as Blu, Pianoman, and CEO all proceeded to agree with you, jumping on Cherry’s case, jokingly calling <em> him </em>a bully. In response, Cherry replied with a bunch of keysmashes, hiding colorful words within. Obviously, with the arsenal of dorks you have on your side, these ‘hidden words’ are quickly discovered. </p><p> </p><p>You stick your phone in your pocket and head for the pepto bismol, shaking your head in amusement. You adored these guys. </p><p> </p><p>------</p><p> </p><p>You propped your phone up against your salt and pepper shakers, stepping back slowly to make sure it wouldn't fall. The condiments were placed in a line in front of the device, in the order you would consume them. Ketchup, Mustard, and Honey. You had a bowl off to the side for, well, obvious reasons. You’d never drank condiments before this, so you didn't know exactly how your stomach would react to such. Next to it sat the bottle of pepto bismol, bubblegum pink and promising to ease your stomach pains-- the ones that were sure to come from today’s activites. </p><p> </p><p>Your camera was currently on, but not any call or anything. You were trying to figure out the best angle for the Challenge. You were… you were intending on also using the Challenge as an excuse to show the others your face without it being weird, and making it a teensy bit easier for you. You had it all planned out, too! For most of the time, you’d just be showing your chin and mouth, so they could see you drinking the condiments you’d agreed to drink, but eventually, you’d ‘accidentally’ knock over your phone and show the guys the rest of your mug, then play it off like oh-ho that was an accident tee-hee u saw me lolol ig u can keep looking at me i trust u. It was, truthfully, both a horrible and genius plan at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>But you, for the life of yourself, <em> could not get the angle right. </em> The phone kept <em> slipping and would not obey and stay in place </em>. You might have to employ your pal’s eyes earlier than you thought.</p><p> </p><p>Your phone slipped from your hands just one last time before you gave up, dropping the device onto the wooden surface you were <em> trying </em> to place it on. It fell with a clatter, then onto the floor. With a yelp, you dive down to grab the device, hoping to <em> all that is holy </em>it is not broken. Slowly, you reach for the phone, screwing your eyes shut, not wanting to see a broken screen. Sure, you had a case on it, but, still. Screens could still break. </p><p> </p><p>You lifted it up and, peeking, there was no crack in the screen, luckily for you. On the other hand, what was there, was a deep fried meme that Pianoman had sent you, with multiple bottles of mustard, ketchup, and honey, with those eye-flash things and crudely drawn ms-paint legs and arms. The condiments could be engaging in a battle, or cuddling very fondly, you had no clue. There was also text but it was too deep-fried for you to understand. You could make out “bottom text” though. </p><p> </p><p>You made sure to save the meme before exiting out, seeing the discord chat going absolutely FERAL. Pianoman and Cherry were arguing back and forth about goodness-knows-what, Lil Blu was trying to manage the language, Puzzle, Molasses, and CEO were talking about how terrible this idea was, Sans was slowly talking about ketchup and how nice it was, and Wild had reacted to a post in the Announcements Channel, with a little ketchup bottle. Feral, man. They were going feral. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: guys. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: guysss</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: sweetheart, tell this idiot that math is anything involving numbers</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: at least I know my multiplication tables</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: lakjlksjdflk multiplication has nuthin 2 do with tables????,,??,</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: omg.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>PuzzleMaster: @UnflavoredTuna </b>
</p><p>
  <b>PuzzleMaster: THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST IDEA</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: that’s what makes it a great idea tho</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: like</b>
</p><p><b>UnflavoredTuna: who </b> <b> <em>doesn’t </em> </b> <b>want to do stupid things to make their friends laugh??</b></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: Me. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: 1. Im not 100% sure im not your only friend. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: and i love u </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: like a whole lot but</b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: u dont count</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: well damn</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: Language!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: shots fired lmaoooo</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: That Was Harsh </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: funny tho</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ComedyCentral: how do you guys type so fast </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: magic </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: lmaoooooooo if that ws the case comedy would type a helluva lot faster than he do</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MolassesCube: He does*</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: fight me nerd</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Wildman: watch it. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: &gt;:P</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: omg u morons </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: brb guys lmao </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: ill be rite here when u come back ;) </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: ew </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: gross</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: u love me </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: debatable</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: naw</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: [eyeroll.GIF]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>You set down the device and padded to your room, patting Flicker on the top of her head as you passed. You were pulling off your hoodie even before you got to the room, throwing it off and into the clothes basket. </p><p> </p><p>You skittered to your dresser, opening your pajama drawer and digging around in the messy, unfolded clothes. After a good five minutes of being confused, you pulled out what you were looking for--</p><p> </p><p>A pajama top-- and bottoms!-- with little pictures of ketchup and mustard with their arms looped together on the soft fabric, making various puns about condiments. You had bought it ages ago, and when you did, you just <em> knew </em>it would come in handy one day. You shoved your arms into the armholes-- and then took them out when you realised you put it on backwards, fixed it, and put your arms in the now right side out pajamas. You buttoned up the top and, with a little bit of a struggle, stuck your legs into the pants. You had bad balance, okay? &gt;:T</p><p> </p><p>Looking at yourself in the mirror, you grinned. You had pretty good taste in fashion, if you do say so yourself. </p><p> </p><p>Scampering back to the kitchen, grinning like a cross between an idiot and a nervous wreck, you prep yourself for showing off to your pals-- well. It wasn’t really showing off but-- well-- okay, you didn’t know what else to call it! </p><p> </p><p>You picked your phone up from the table and looked at the-- holy crap, 99+ new messages in the chat?? It had only been five minutes, maximum???</p><p> </p><p>Cherry and Lil Blu had, for some goodness-awful reason, decided to start chanting “HYPE” </p><p> </p><p>Comedy wasn’t really saying anything, which was fucking rediculous because <em> 99+ new messages </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Pianoman was on idle, you didn’t know what he was doing. </p><p> </p><p>CEO, Puzzle, and Molasses were trying to get the others to stop chanting, and Wild sent a GIF of MTT eating popcorn, watching one of his own TV productions. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: Guys what the heck is going on</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: HYPE HYPE HYPE </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: HYPE HYPE HYPE HYPE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: what in the world have you done to him cherry </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: HYPE HYPE HYPE nothing HYPE HYPE HYPE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: why are you even using caps?? You never use caps????</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: stop psychoanalyzing me HYPE HYPE HYPE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>LilBluBerry: HE CHALLENGED ME </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>HotTopicCEO: What Is Wrong With Everyone In This Server. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: so many things</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Pianoman: so, so many things. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: lmaooo well </b>
</p><p>
  <b>UnflavoredTuna: hopping into Call. join me if you wanna witness the Challenge, nerds. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CherryRed: WOOOOOOOOOOOO</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>UnflavoredTuna: would you </b> <b> <em>stop </em> </b> <b>using caps its so unnatural for u bro</b></p><p> </p><p>You jumped into the call and quickly turned on your camera before you could skip out of it, propping it up as quick as you can against the salt and pepper shakers. Little bloops sounded as your friends entered the call. Mixed reactions were received. </p><p> </p><p>“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU WEARING?” </p><p> </p><p>“oh shit.” </p><p> </p><p>“NYEH? WHO IS THAT? HUH? OH-!” </p><p> </p><p>“TUNA! YOU’RE SO PRETTY!” </p><p> </p><p>And then the sounds of wind. Wind? </p><p> </p><p>Wind???</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wind???  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then you realize-- Cherry threw his phone. </p><p> </p><p>Cherry threw his fucking phone. </p><p> </p><p>You heard a barking voice coming from the other’s audios. </p><p> </p><p>“y’all better look away!!” Cherry shouted, “or i’m comin fer yer ass!” </p><p> </p><p>“No, no,” you try to squeak, embarrassment creeping into your cheeks and into the corners of your smile, pulling them up, up, up, til it nearly hurts, but you couldn’t make your mouth make a <em> normal freaking shape, </em>“I promise! I meant-- I meant to do this! You can- uh-- you can look at me! It’s alright!” </p><p> </p><p>Why-- why were you talking so loud? Ugh, stupid nerves. Makin’ you weirder than normal. How rude of them. </p><p> </p><p>“AGAIN, WHAT ARE YOU <em> WEARING?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>“awesome pajamas, tuna,” Comedy grinned. You couldn't help but giggle awkwardly. </p><p> </p><p>“okay, okay, im lookin’,” Cherry mumbles, audibly lifting his phone. He then audibly drops it, with an added verbal keysmash. </p><p> </p><p>“whet the <em> hell, </em>tuna??” he barks. Instantly, you become worried. Had you done something wrong? </p><p> </p><p>“why are ye’ so <em> fuckin’ cute, </em> that ain’t <em> fair, </em>” he grumbled. You squeaked in response, your hands going to tug at the bottom of your shirt. </p><p> </p><p>“Heh, uh, thanks, cherry. You’re, uh, pretty cute, too. Or. well. Your icon, i guess?” </p><p> </p><p>“Damn right im cute. Hey, can i call ya suga’tits now, since--” </p><p> </p><p>“DON’T EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE.” </p><p> </p><p>“LANGUAGE!”</p><p> </p><p>You give a lopsided smirk, slowly feeling more comfortable. You leaned back on your heels and crossed your arms over your chest with a chuckle. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m pret-ty sure you’ve called me that before.” </p><p> </p><p>“TUNA! MY GOODNESS! THOSE ARE SOME SWELL PAJAMAS YOU’VE GOT ON THERE!” Puzzle exclaims with enthusiasm, smile audible until he asks, “BUT, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO… DRINK… CONDIMENTS?” </p><p> </p><p>“hellllll----” </p><p> </p><p>“LANGUAGE!” Blue interrupts. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” you chuckle and scruffle the back of your head, then clear your throat, “heck <em> yeah </em>I want to drink condiments! For the sake of friendship!” </p><p> </p><p>You gave a little hop at those words, which was, actually, probably a terrible idea. </p><p> </p><p>“oo, bouncy,” Cherry grinned. </p><p> </p><p>“CHERRY YOU HAD BETTER--” </p><p> </p><p>“wild’s already on the move, don’t worry about it, CEO,” Comedy chuckled. You noticed Wild and his brother were both muted, which wasn’t unusual, actually. Soon, Cherry muted himself as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, erm. While they’re doing that, uhm. Do y’all wanna get started?” </p><p> </p><p>“oh yeah,” Pianoman chuckled, possibly rubbing his hands together? You didn’t know what his hands sounded like, “I’m ready.”  </p><p> </p><p>“I’D RATHER NOT WATCH YOU PUT YOURSELF THROUGH A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE, BUT AS A MODERATOR OF THIS SERVER, I MUST.” </p><p> </p><p>“I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU ENCOURAGEMENT, TUNA!” Lil Blu exclaims. </p><p> </p><p>“same here, kiddo,” Comedy says. Cherry eventually unmutes himself. </p><p> </p><p>“ready as i’ll ever be, sweetcheeks,” he says, ever-present smirk audible as ever in the dumb, purring engine-rumble of his. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright!” you grin, clapping your hands together. </p><p> </p><p>“anybody tell you you got a beautiful--” there was a warning growl from Red’s audio, and some hushed whispering, “<em> smile. </em> I was going to say <em> smile, </em>tuna.” </p><p> </p><p>You blanch real quick. He was smooth, usually, but <em> dammit, </em>you just gave him a whole new arsenal of possible weapons to use against you in a flustering, embarrassing, ‘I can make you red in two seconds flat’ way. </p><p> </p><p>Recovering with a graceful shake of your head, you pluck up a bottle of ketchup. You stood back to read the label real quick, then showed it to your camera. </p><p> </p><p>“First up! We’ve got Grillby’s apparently famous Ketchup! I’ve personally never heard of him, but, y’know.” </p><p> </p><p>“what? kid, y’ never heard of grillbz? he’s great.” </p><p> </p><p>“naw,” you chuckle, “never heard of the guy.” </p><p> </p><p>“huh. well, then, i got things to make right.” </p><p> </p><p>“You aren’t leaving, are you?” you pout. Comedy replies with his laid-back chuckle. </p><p> </p><p>“nah, I’ll deal with it later.” </p><p> </p><p>“Great! Cos your condiment is first.” </p><p> </p><p>“lucky me?” </p><p> </p><p>Reluctantly, you begin twisting off the cap of the ketchup bottle. When you get to the little plastic seal, you peel it off slowly, both to put off drinking the condiment for a moment, and also to make sure it doesn’t spill everywhere. </p><p> </p><p>You peer into the red bottle, trying to spot a difference between it and what human ketchup was. You stick in a finger and get some just on the tip. You stick said finger into your mouth. </p><p> </p><p>It’s not much different than all the other ketchup you’ve had in your life.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the difference between monster and human condiments, Cherry? This tastes the same as my ketchup. I mean, it’s a little sparky? I'm assuming that’s the magic, but it ‘hits’ all the same, I think? I’m not dying yet?” </p><p> </p><p>“well, das good. you’d better not die from jus’ a lil magic, cos I gots a lot more t’ give ya.” <em> audible wink, </em>“and besides, y’ won’t be able t’ tell for a little. you’ll see what I mean in a bit, sweetcheeks.” </p><p> </p><p>You quirk a curious brow but say no more. You look at your phone, at the other two ‘drinks’, and then at the one in your hand. Slowly, you raise it to your lips. </p><p> </p><p>“holy shit, she’s actually doing it. she’s really, oh <em> wow--” </em>Pianoman commentates in his best sports announcer’s voice, though it quickly devolves into an amazed tone of what in the world am I witnessing??</p><p> </p><p>You wait for the tomato smoothie to hit your tongue- causing another one of those odd little sparks-- before placing your palm flat on the base of the bottle, screwing your eyes shut and tilting back your head. You push with all your might and <em> force </em>out the condiment, making it go all into your mouth. </p><p> </p><p>And. </p><p> </p><p>It’s. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nasty.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When you smashed all of it out and down your throat, down your gullet, and into your stomach, you let out a loud cough, hitting a fist to the center of your chest, throwing the bottle away from yourself and onto the table. It falls on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>It’s not that you don’t like ketchup, its that you don't like <em> drinking entire 16-oz bottles of it all at once. </em>But, for the sake of your honor and the Challenge, you will. You must! </p><p> </p><p>“ho-ly <em> shit, </em> tuna,” Cherry guffaws, “you <em> downed </em>that! pretty sure that was a worl’ recerd!” </p><p> </p><p>“naw. my record is four seconds. she took six,” comedy chuckles, “and i’ve seen wild take one down in two.” </p><p> </p><p>“What in the world is <em> up </em>with you guys???” you ask, eyes wide in pure fucking astonishment-- four seconds! He said! Four! And Two!!!! You, for some reason, couldn’t comprehend that fact, even though you probably shouldn’t be surprised anymore. </p><p> </p><p>“heh. tasty, innit?” Comedy asks. You shake your head vigorously. </p><p> </p><p>“No! My goodness, that was nasty!” you balk, “i am <em> not </em>ready for the mustard.” </p><p> </p><p>“naw you ain’t,” cherry confirms. Didn’t exactly make you feel better, but you were.. Grateful for the thought? </p><p> </p><p>“IS YOUR STOMACH ALRIGHT, TUNA?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, so far. It’s not bad yet, but I am going to go get some water to wash this down. Ugh, my throat’s tingly.” </p><p> </p><p>“I c’n make yer throat tingly in a another-- ow!” whack noise. </p><p> </p><p>You shake your head and pad away, grabbing a mason jar to use as a cup, then heading over to the tap to fill it up. You head back over to the table, guzzling the clear, life-sustaining liquid like there was no tomorrow. You needed the taste <em> gone.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” you groan, “mustard time.” </p><p> </p><p>Cherry whoops in excitement. CEO groans in response. </p><p> </p><p>“YOU DON’T HAVE TO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO!” Lil Blue reminds you, but you’re already tearing into the condiment bottle, unscrewing the top and peeling off the little plastic barrier. Without a word, you throw your head back and squeeze the mustard into your throat-- then <em> choke.  </em></p><p> </p><p>It’s so much sparkier than the ketchup!! You cough, leaning over with one hand on the table and another on your stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“Holy <em> HELL,” </em>you wheeze, still coughing. </p><p> </p><p>“language~” teases Cherry. </p><p> </p><p>“I THINK I’LL LET THIS ONE SLIDE, ACTUALLY,” Blu winces. </p><p> </p><p>“awh, y’ always let her cusses slide! ain’t fair, baby blu.”</p><p> </p><p>“IN THIS SITUATION, I BELIEVE IT’S ENTIRELY FAIR,” CEO defends. </p><p> </p><p>“Man, it’s not even halfway gone!” you yelp, looking at the yellow bottle you hold in your hands. </p><p> </p><p>“really? damn. wit’ th’ way y’ guzzled that ketchup so lovin’ly, ye’d think it’d be gone by now!” </p><p> </p><p>Whack noise. Growling. Feral bastards. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay. okay. I’ve got this,” you sigh, standing straight and sending your phone to the ground, again, on accident, <em> again </em>. This time, it could maybe work in your favor? You did want to show ‘em your face. I mean, they’d already seen most of it, right? Why not the rest? Couldn’t hurt. </p><p> </p><p>So you pick up the phone, not bothering to hide the upper half of your face this time, and set it up against the shakers. </p><p> </p><p>“cherry threw his phone again,” pianoman acknowledges, after more wind noises and a loud <em> thud. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’m not that scary, am I?” you jokingly question.</p><p> </p><p>“OF COURSE NOT, TUNA! YOU’RE WONDERFUL!!”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“STUNNING!”</p><p> </p><p>“THAT SHIRT IS ATROCIOUS. BUT OTHERWISE, YOU ARE NOT SCARY.” </p><p> </p><p>You roll your eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, guys. Tell Cherry to stop throwing things.” </p><p> </p><p>“tuna, dis is a <em> whole lot t’ </em>take in at once. y’ sure y’ wanna be showin’ us-- well, you???” Speak of the devil.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah. I trust y’all. You know this. Don’t make it weird,” you warn. Before they can speak again, you lift the mustard to your mouth and once again try to choke it down. It works this time! But still leaves you gagging and coughing, but it turns into red-cheeked laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay, what the <em>HECK, </em>you guys<em>. What. the </em>HECK?? How??” </p><p> </p><p>“mustard is tasty, tuna! dunno what else t’ tell ya,” Cherry chuckles. </p><p> </p><p>You give a sigh then glance at the honey. That shouldn’t be <em> too </em>hard to drink, should it?” </p><p> </p><p>Placing the now-empty mustard bottle down, you pick up the honey. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright! Muffet’s Honey! I know who that is, at least. This should be easy!” </p><p> </p><p>Cherry guffawed. </p><p> </p><p>And you paused. </p><p> </p><p>Should.. Should you be worried? Your stomach was feeling a little queasy… and you were a tad dizzy… but it wasn’t that bad, not yet. You were fine. </p><p> </p><p>You sigh and pull out a chair. You needed to be <em> sitting </em>for this one, after those other two. Yeah it was just honey, but, well, past (Read, Experience from three minutes ago) experience told you this was going to be a disaster. </p><p> </p><p>You folded up your legs in your lap, sighing and looking at the bottle. </p><p> </p><p>“drink it slow, tuna. or you’ll like, actually die. something with viscosity,” Pianoman warns. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I <em> guess,” </em>you mock, unscrewing the cap to the new drink. It smelled good, nice and fresh. But you were suspicious. You peered into the bottle to check and make sure it wasn’t actively going to try and choke you to death. </p><p> </p><p>“hmmm…” you hum, before lifting the bottle to your mouth- oh! It’s really sweet! Not very sparky, but more… fizzy? Like flat soda. </p><p> </p><p>“chug! chug! chug!” Cherry begins shouting. </p><p> </p><p>“that’s literally the exact thing i told her <em> not </em>to do, dude.” </p><p> </p><p>You tilt your head back just a tad ignoring your pals, slowly drinking the honey and trying <em> so hard </em> not to just get it over with like with the other bottles, but <em> agh </em> , it was so hard! It was so goopy! The texture was just-- <em> not </em>pleasant. </p><p> </p><p>You’re trying to swallow down the rest of the honey when suddenly, it’s all gone! You did it! Woo! You toss your arms in the air and exclaim happily, grinning like an absolute idiot. </p><p> </p><p>“Holy <em> goodness, </em> guys. I feel like- like, <em> woah </em>. I could run like, five miles.” </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Five minutes later? You were lying to the couch clutching at your stomach, pepto-bismol bottle half-empty and dangling from your fingers, bowl on the ground beside you. You’re whining and groaning as your stomach protests your activities. Your head’s spinning, and your mouth feels like it’s full of cotton. </p><p> </p><p>“Guysss,,,, I think I’m dying.” you groan, writhing uncomfortably on the cushions.</p><p> </p><p>“I TOLD YOU THIS WASN’T A GOOD IDEA, TUNA” CEO says with that small, seldom-heard chuckle of his. </p><p> </p><p>“Friendship!” you exclaim, dropping your head into the couch and groaning. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>next will be less chaos and more fluff because i SAID SO.</p><p> </p><p>not me, not removing filler words bc i cant think of better ones;;;</p><p> </p><p>Come look at my tumblr!</p><p> <a href="https://froghatt.tumblr.com/">https://froghatt.tumblr.com/</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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